The Never-Ending Story by Suteishichic Continues....

Learning to Play by Suteishichic. Chapter Eight ~ Mukahi

2009-11-24T09:52:12Z

Learning to Play by Suteishichic. Chapter Eight ~ Mukahi
Warnings: Yaoi, Love, Angst, Fluff, and Lots of Sex. Some kink. You've been warned ;)
Disclaimer: Nope not mine. Still in my dreams. ;)

Gakuto licked his lips which had suddenly gone very dry. He couldn't believe this. He couldn't believe Yuushi was going to break up with him. What the hell was he gonna do now? His heart ached like he had been hit by a punch in the center of his chest and he didn't think he could take in a breath. In almost a whisper Gakuto added, “But...”
“But...?” Yuushi looked confused. He drawled on slower than a slug in snow, “But...nothing. I was going to say I love you more than life itself, and...” Yuushi suddenly cracked a small smile, “And I do believe that I am going to come to love our normal nocturnals.”
“oh.” Gakuto ignored the obvious. He was still feeling the strong and horrible emotions that came with thinking that Yuushi was gonna break up with him. It was just starting to register that Yuushi actually wasn't gonna.
“Gakuto?” Yuushi looked very confused again with that crease forming down the middle of his forehead between his eyebrows, “What's wrong, my love?”
“Nothing, I just...I thought you were gonna break up with me or something like that because you were bein so serious.” He saw the question on Yuushi's face and said before the tensai could ask, “No. I don't want you to! I just thought you were gonna because you said you didn't wanna hurt me or somethin, but I didn't want you to and I don't want to! Okay?!” Now that tight knot was quickly turning into tears and Gakuto turned away, “I already told you I wanna be with you and just you...!”
Yuushi grabbed him. The tensai moved so fast that suddenly Gakuto went from looking away to being cradled in Yuushi's arms completely. He was held tight and normally he would object. Strongly. Sometimes even violently. He really didn't like being grabbed and manhandled, but for some reason, right then as Yuushi held him so close, Gakuto felt like he could sort of finally breathe. He let out a long, shuddery breath feeling completely annoyed at more of these stupid feelings getting in their way every time he and Yuushi started to get to the good stuff.
“I love you, Gakuto.” Yuushi said it in that quiet too serious way he had. “Being with you like this really is a dream for me. Breaking up with you would break me. I never even thought of really ending this even if perhaps that is selfish of me. I have no wish to hurt you, but I also have no intention of breaking up with you. Gakuto, if I had my way I never would. Ever. Perhaps this is why people are not meant to meet the love of their lives until they're older than twelve years old, but then again, even if we live to our full potential of one hundred and twenty years, I can't help thinking one hundred and eight years with you simply is not enough.”
Gakuto muttered something about how stupid the tensai was saying crap like that while he took a couple of quick, casual swipes at his eyes. Clearing his throat, he thought out loud and rolled his eyes, “Yeah, well maybe by then they or probably you will have figured out how to clone us so we live forever.”
“Ah, but I fear even your clone would pale to the original.” Yuushi kissed Gakuto's forehead and held his lips there. Gakuto could feel it as the tensai smiled and despite himself Gakuto found himself smiling back. And blushing. He was so glad no one else could see how stupid Yuushi was turning him into a completely sappy idiot.
Against the scar on his forehead the tensai said, “I'm sorry I made you worry or think I wanted to break up with you. I am, as you say, just a stupid tensai and sometimes it takes me longer to think things through than my beloved genius boyfriend. I can promise you, however, that I won't ever break up with you if you don't break up with me?”
“Stupid, stop callin me stuff like that. Don't think I didn't notice.” Gakuto pushed Yuushi back a little even though he was smiling more now, “But yeah, I promise. I won't. Ever. I swear it, Yuushi. I...”
He went to say their oath to it but Yuushi with a finger and a thumb pressed Gakuto's top and bottom lips together like he was closing a cartoon duck's mouth in an anime. The tensai smiled but it was that cold smile when he was angry about something, “Perhaps, my beloved, you should find out where I've been before you say your oath? I don't ever want you to have regrets....”
“Mi momp!” It came out garbled so Gakuto smacked away the tensai's hand and stabbed his own index finger to emphasize the important parts into Yuushi's chest. Gakuto had to drive his points home to the idiot somehow, “I won't. Even if it turns out you fucked Assholebe, hell, even if it turns out he fucked you, listen to me! I'm telling you it doesn't matter who or what or whatever because it's not gonna change how I feel about you. Get it? I wanna be with you and I don't wanna break up with you. I promise and I swear.” Gakuto said their oath before Yuushi could stop him and then he added hotly, “Do you really doubt how I feel that much? Do you really not believe in me?!”
Yuushi frowned in that way that meant he was thinking, but that giant brain was taking for-freaking-ever—like Yuushi's mind was loading off a dialup connection from ten years ago.
Gakuto was just about to stand up on the bed and yell when the tensai finally answered, “No, no. Of course it's nothing like that, but I still did not want you to ever regret anything you've sworn to. And by the way, I have been reviewing my past exploits that I do recall and I do not think I was ever an uke with anyone here. I believe I would have noticed the next day if I was sore in that specific way and I have not ever been here. And I think that whatever has happened, if anything sexual, has only happened since I've been at Hyoutei and as I mentioned, it has never happened around you before except during an exam or during a tennis match. The only instances I believe I've lost time other than matches or tests is on a date or at a party when you were not there or on occasions after I watched you go off with someone else.”
Surprised and curious, Gakuto filed that little fact away for later. He was going to have to get more specifics with Yuushi another time, just not now.
Yuushi frowned, “Oh and with Naomi. I don't really remember getting undressed, but obviously I did. Basically I remember her threatening you and feeling furious and then the next thing I remember is I saw you entering into our room. Like an ethereal angel. I've never been so happy and so unhappy to see you as in that moment. And just for the record while we're on the subject, I wish to re-emphasize that I do not want anyone else either. I want to be with you and just you, at least at this point in our lives. I don't even think I physically can be with someone else and be...present as I am now. However, if at some point we wish to play together with another or with others, well, to be honest, I never considered that as an option since even being with you seemed a remote fantasy.”
The tensai frowned deeper for a moment, but then Yuushi's eyebrows raised as they did when he came across some theory in math that he found new and interesting, “However, I can see how sharing that together would be intriguing, exciting, and beneficial in the distant future for both of us. Regardless, long term, it would be my fondest wish and my privilege if I were to spend the rest of my life with you. I promise I will do my best to never hurt you. I swear I want to be with you more than I've ever wanted anything else in my entire life and I swear I will never break up with you, Gakuto. I love you. Now and forever, I love you and I swear.” Yuushi sealed his feelings with their oath, and then with a kiss which was far too lovey a thing to do, so Gakuto quickly broke it off.
Not that kissing was bad, but Gakuto had questions, “You really don't remember getting undressed?” Gakuto was burning with curiosity about this whole losing time sorta thing. It just didn't make sense. How could Yuushi not know what he was doing or remember? And not remembering playing tennis was weird especially for Yuushi. Usually the tensai could remember even small things like where Gakuto stood on a court a year before during a match down to little, ridiculous stupid details of precisely how Gakuto's feet landed after an acrobatics move and which way his toes were facing during a shot. Yuushi would remember the weather down to the position of the sun, who Gakuto's opponent was, and every detail of every match he ever watched. Hell, Yuushi could recall perfectly pissy little things like which pair of socks Gakuto was wearing at morning practice on a random Tuesday six months ago, so the tensai not remembering his own playing was just...bizarre.
Yuushi shook his head as if to say no, and finally shrugged as if he had no way to explain it.
Gakuto asked, “So...I guess I can't ask you when you don't remember things, but does anything happen before it happens? You know, kinda like...before you go all robot and lose time and all that, does anything else happen first? Like do you think, “I'm bored” or somethin? Or do you just start thinkin of other stuff and your mind kinda wanders away?”
Yuushi thought about it. Seeing Yuushi think was like watching paint dry, but at the same time, it was kinda like seeing a giant supercomputer piece together all the secrets of the universe in a way no one else had every thought of. Watching was dull as dirt, but kinda interesting in that you never knew what results would get spit out when the calculations were complete.
To distract himself from the strong urge to move, Gakuto stopped shaking his leg and started comparing their stomachs to see whose was more ripped while Yuushi got lost way off somewhere in his head. Yuushi had more like an 8-pack but Gakuto was pleased to note he had this deep muscle V thing below pointing down to his crotch that he really liked. And other people did too. A lot. There Gakuto was more cut than the tensai.
Yuushi liked it too and Gakuto knew it because when he came outta the shower in the locker room he liked to tie his towel around his waist low. The tensai would just stare practically panting after him and probably taking disc after disc of mental pictures. Hell, as long at it wasn't at his nipples, he didn't mind people staring at him like that. Gakuto knew he was hot.
Gakuto looked up and saw Yuushi looking down as if the tensai was wondering what Gakuto was doing so he explained, “You're way more cut here and here.” Gakuto felt up the sides of his chest and his upper belly to show him, “But here, I'm more cut.” With both hands he traced down that deep V on his own stomach.
Yuushi hummed low and long in a purr, “Mmm, I love that area on you. That and your back should be illegal from other people ogling.”
Gakuto rolled his eyes, “No one “ogles” me but you, and I can't help that I'm hot. It's from gymnastics.” But he couldn't help but ask, “My back? Where? What other area?” Gakuto rolled over on his belly and looked over his shoulder back at the tensai, “Show me.” If Yuushi thought he was hot, Gakuto was gonna give him a long look.
Yuushi put his warm hand on Gakuto's upper spine, just below his neck., “All of you truly is exquisite my love, but here...” The tensai slid a fingertip slowly down. Slow like Yuushi pondered things or tended to speak, that light touch felt feather-soft caressing down over bare skin making Gakuto shiver. It kept going until Yuushi reached his lower back. There the fingertip stopped and then traced the deep lines of muscles there. “Here is a man at the height of physical perfection. You're stunning. I've never seen anyone like you.”
“It's...” Gakuto licked his lips which had suddenly gone dry, “...it's from gymnastics.” He wanted to confidently remind Yuushi that the tensai would never, ever meet anyone else like him, but his usual words fell away as the tensai reached over to kiss him. It was almost as if all Gakuto could do was feel Yuushi. Feel the tensai's touch, taste his mouth, smell his spicy scent, touch Yuushi's smooth skin, and listen for each breath or hum Yuushi made as they kissed. Gakuto's eyes closed and he kept them shut even as he moved while they kept kissing. He turned in the tensai's arms and practically crawled up Yuushi's warm, muscled body.
Even though Gakuto recently discovered how much he enjoyed looking at the tensai, it felt like even peeking at Yuushi kissing him, just seeing the tensai all turned on would be total sensory overload. It felt like they were gliding on waves of pleasure, and it was all Gakuto could do to just hold on and enjoy the ride.
The tensai's fingertips kept tracing up and down his skin as they kissed and Yuushi hummed a soft moan as if just touching Gakuto with only his fingertips was an erotic act all in itself. Gakuto felt little chill bumps race across his skin and he shuddered at the tensai's touch, his sounds, his reactions, and the anticipation of more to come. He wanted the tensai. If before had been like now, it would have felt right. It woulda been hot. They'd probably still be doing it.
Yuushi smiled. Gakuto knew the tensai was smiling too because he felt it against his cheek when Yuushi's mouth trailed across in soft, sexy kisses. He could hear the smile in the tensai's low whisper, “It's not just me who ogles you. It's why they say you're a walking wet dream, you know? It's why everyone wants you, Gakuto. You're gorgeous....”
And just like that, the spell was broken.
Gakuto rolled off Yuushi and moved to lie flat on his back. Yuushi turned on his side looking concerned, and Gakuto looked up at him with a casual shrug, “It's okay. I know what they really say. They say I'm a walking wet dream from the neck down. From the neck up I'm either a bastard or a nightmare dependin on who you talk to. You don't have to pretend they don't say that or that you don't know. Besides, you swore, Yuushi. Now you're stuck with me.” Gakuto smiled feeling like somehow he suckered the tensai into this deal and came out ahead in the bargain even if Yuushi did seem to want it too.
Yuushi smiled back at him. In fact, the tensai was grinning so wide he was looking like a lovestruck fool—speeding from looking super cool to super dork in less than a second. Still, somehow the tensai managed to make grinning like a super dork look kinda sexy, “I am deliriously happy to be, as you say, stuck with you. You swore as well so we're stuck together until the end of time, Gakuto. It really is my dream come true to be with you. And I hate to inform them, but they are quite wrong. Your body is gorgeous, but the best parts of you are from the neck up.”
Gakuto shrugged, “Yeah, my eyes are okay....”
Yuushi stroked his face, “And?”
“My lips are kinda nice.” Yuushi was looking at him like he was going to ask what else again. Gakuto went on with another shrug, “My face is okay, I guess, and my hair when it isn't all sweaty from tennis is kinda soft. From my conditioner.”
The tensai kissed Gakuto's eyebrow softly while his hand slid down Gakuto's chest, “And?”
“And I'm kinda cute, okay?” Gakuto laughed, “What, you gonna say you love me for my mind?”
Yuushi gave him a fresh smile going back to looking super cool, but didn't laugh back, “Of course. I truly do love your mind. I also love your heart, your body, your spirit, your soul, your voice, and all the other components that comprise you and make you who you are.”
Gakuto kissed him because for a moment it was kinda sweet, but then he thought to himself the tensai was really such an idiot. The stupid tensai blew it again, and broke the spell again, “Yuushi, no one loves my voice. Come on! I even annoy myself half the time and we already swore so you don't have to say things to be nice....”
Yuushi frowned, “I assure you, I was not saying anything to be nice. I do love your voice. It's beautiful. And quite sexy. The tone of your voice is aesthetically pleasing, and if other people don't adore it then all the better for me. Perhaps they haven't heard it quite like I have which I find to be their loss on so many levels. Gakuto, truly, you're exquisite.”
At that statement, the tensai who never stopped stroking his fingertips across Gakuto's skin began to earnestly tease one of Gakuto's nipples. The tensai had been touching it off and on the entire time they'd been talking so it was harder than normal, and as usual, Gakuto wanted more. As the tensai's fingertip became more demanding and began erotically stroking the sensitive nub Yuushi added another finger. Gakuto was reminded of earlier and doing Yuushi's mouth with his nipple.
Remembering then and feeling this now, Gakuto's back arched off the bed and he whispered, “Yuushi....”
“See how beautiful your voice is...?” Yuushi murmured in a sexy drawl as if in awe and then kissed him long and deep, stroking his tongue into Gakuto's mouth.
They kissed over and over until Gakuto's brain caught up with him, “Wait...I wanna...” Yuushi kissed him again and the tensai was so into it that Gakuto moaned and almost got carried away, “Wait...ohhh...wanna....wanna try somethin...Yuushi...please?”
Yuushi smiled, “I cannot deny my beloved prince anything when he begs this beautifully.”
“S...stupid,” Gakuto felt a blush crawling up his face. He did not beg. Not even close, but Yuushi looked so happy...and so dorky and stupid that Gakuto didn't have the heart to punch the idiot. Stupid, lovey tensai. He hated blushing. Hated when his face matched his hair. And he didn't mean to blush out of embarrassment for the tensai, but who the hell responded like....that? It was so not fair that Yuushi could say something that lame and yet here he was the one blushing! “Yuushi!”
With a very straight face that looked quite dismayed Yuushi answered humbly, “I apologize, my emotions have become rather carried away probably because of how intense this evening has been, but I assure you, I will not say anything stupid in front of the rest of the team nor in front of anyone else. Now, what would you like to try?”
“You'd better not!” Gakuto felt the anger leave him almost as quickly as it came. Maybe because Yuushi looked so serious, but also Gakuto had a sudden thought of how this kinda sucked. Sure, it woulda been stupid for Yuushi to say something like that in front of the guys, but at the same time because they were both guys, Yuushi never could. Ever. It wasn't like Gakuto wanted him to or anything, but at the same time he kinda hated that the option of the tensai being all lovey out in public was gone. It couldn't happen. Ever.
And that sucked. Plain and simple. Any way you sliced it. Yuushi was a romantic. He loved lovey crap and probably holding hands and all that junk. And choosing to be with Gakuto meant Yuushi could never be that way with him.
So yeah, it sucked but he still wasn't gonna let Yuushi have his way. He couldn't. The tensai might forget and slip up in front of the guys. Atobe would never let Gakuto live it down. Or Shishido. Or Sato. Damn. No way could he afford to let Yuushi be indulged.
“I won't forget, Gakuto.” Yuushi was being earnest, but he also looked a little hurt. “Would you like my oath?”
Quickly Gakuto clasped his hand over the tensai's mouth. “No,” he shook his head and thought maybe someday in the future, maybe years from now, maybe when they were old men they could be like that--if they wanted to, but there was no sense stopping Yuushi forever now. “I'm sorry I got mad. I'm not....” Gakuto tried to find the words, because the tensai was still lookin all hurt, “I'm not all lovey like that with anyone but my family and even with them I wouldn't be like that in front of the guys, you know? I mean,” Gakuto remembered something and gave a little laugh, “when I was in first grade I wouldn't let my mom walk me to school anymore because she would hold my hand and kiss me goodbye and stuff. I just....I get kinda embarrassed, you know?”
Yuushi shrugged, “I've never had that experience so I'm not familiar with it.”
“Yeah, well trust me, it was bad. My mom got all upset and stuff and when my mom gets upset, there's tons of problems and drama, but she just wouldn't understand no matter how many times I told her, it had nothing to with how I felt about her. I just felt really stupid when other people saw even if they weren't gonna make fun of me.”
“You were openly affectionate with your parents in front of me, however?” Yuushi said it as a fact, but the tensai sounded confused.
“Yeah, well, you're different. I don't care if you see stuff like that.” Oh. From the tensai's face that was the wrong thing to say. Gakuto tried to explain, “I mean I never feel embarrassed around you about stuff. That's why you're different because I can totally be myself around you and never worry about stuff like that. Look, it's because you are different that I like you so much! You've always been different for me about stuff like that. You always have been and you always will be. Everything is different with you.”
Gakuto blew his bangs up off his forehead because suddenly after blushing and all this he felt too hot. “Look...I'm sayin that maybe someday, not in front of the guys or anything, but maybe if we're in a safe place I can be...what did you call it? Openly affectionate? Yeah. Maybe I can be like that with you, but just a little. I mean like maybe we could like hold hands or somethin if it's safe and okay and stuff and no one would see. I mean I don't even like when guys with girlfriends are all over each other and you saw my parents! My dad is like....all over my mom still kissing her and stuff and it's disgusting, but maybe just once in a while, if it's safe and cause I know you kinda like stuff like that, we could, I dunno, maybe we could just try it a little bit and stuff and see?”
Smiling slightly Yuushi said, “Thank you. I would be delighted to try with you. And of course, we can take things slowly and I will try my hardest to never embarrass you or make you feel uncomfortable or at all unsafe. Your safety is very important to me, and I want you to know you can trust me and always feel secure with me.”
Gakuto shrugged, “Yeah, cause like remember when you were dating that one girl? The senior? And you would like make out with her in the hallways all the time and stuff?” At the time, Gakuto had just been disgusted and cracked lotsa jokes along with the rest of the guys, but now, suddenly, he was feeling jealous. And even worse than his jealousy of that stupid girl, was his sudden realization that he would never be able to be like that with Yuushi even if he wanted to. Which he didn't, but still....“Well I'm not sayin I wanna do stuff like that cause you were like all over her and gross and stuff, but...I guess I'm sayin that it kinda sucks that we're both guys because...because we can't ever get to do any kinda stuff like that even if we wanted to and it's just not fair!”
Yuushi smiled softly as he smoothed Gakuto's hair back off his forehead, “Says who, my love? I meant it when I said I will not compromise your safety or your comfort, but Gakuto, when have I ever cared what other people think? Or what they say? You've seen me be about as open with men as I have with women that I've dated as long as it was safe. The only person in the world whose opinion I care about is yours, Gakuto. As long as things between us are enjoyable, pleasurable, and consensual, we will find our own way to make all this work so that you never feel that things are not fair or that in any way your life and your happiness is slighted or in any way diminished because I am a man who is completely in love with you. Okay?”
Gakuto nodded, not sure exactly how he was feeling. If anyone had asked him, he woulda said hell no, he hated PDAs and lovey crap and all that came with it, but when he thought about never being allowed to touch or kiss the person he loved, ever? That hurt and made him angry at the same time. It was like he found out he was going to be forever denied something he didn't even know he actually really might have wanted and needed, but now here was Yuushi saying confidently not to worry. And kissing him.
So sweetly kissing him over and over again. Just before Gakuto found himself lost in the kiss, he found himself surprised by the realization that Yuushi as a tensai, already considered all of this before. There were just some things that Yuushi was way more of an adult about than he was. If it was anyone else that far ahead of him in thinking all this, Gakuto would have worried and felt self-conscious about it, but it was Yuushi. Yuushi wouldn't hurt him or let him down and he could completely trust that the tensai wouldn't do anything to make fun of him or let him get hurt. Gakuto could just...let go.
He could fly or he could fall and it wouldn't matter. No matter what happened, Yuushi was gonna catch him. Forever. And yeah, what Gakuto realized was that he was gonna catch Yuushi right back no matter what, but he never thought he would really be able to let go like this. Not with anyone.
This was big. Almost overwhelming to think about this thing between them that started so unassuming now becoming this huge and long-lasting thing that people look for always but few probably ever really find. A real, true love for a lifetime. And yet, at the same time, the vastness of it and the rightness of it all somehow eased something deep inside of Gakuto. Something that he'd been so frightened to look at that he managed to just avoid it completely. It was like discovering that something hideous and wrong deep inside you that you didn't even know was broken or sick was now clean and perfect.
And maybe not perfect for anyone else, but really perfect if only for each other.
It turns out after all that worry now it didn't matter what scars or secrets or issues Gakuto had from what happened. Even things that maybe hadn't even come up yet that he worried were still lurking deep within him, even those were going to be okay. Yuushi was gonna catch him if he fell or flew too high--or even as sometimes Gakuto had horrific nightmares about if one day he discovered he couldn't fly at all anymore. Yuushi was gonna be there and no matter what, his tensai was gonna love the hell outta him.
Which turns out kinda lucky because he was gonna do the same for Yuushi. Hell, he already was. All that confusing stuff from Yuushi's past, no matter what, Gakuto was staying, and only because it was Yuushi was he not even giving a thought to leaving.
He loved him.
Gakuto even pulled back from their hot kissing to say it. He opened his mouth to tell Yuushi right here, right now before Gakuto could yet again chicken out, but before he could say the words, Yuushi hummed in that hot moan he had and said, “I love you....”
Then the tensai went right back to kissing the hell outta him, and Gakuto barely noticed that his answering confession ended up sounding more like a nonsensical moan with his mouth full of hot tensai tongue than what he was really tryin to say.
With another hot humming moan, Yuushi pulled back with a sexy smile, “I believe you will agree as well, there are distinct advantages to us both being men.”
Huh? Gakuto got all lost in the kissing and in his feelings and he kinda forgot what the hell they were talking about. Oh. Botha them being guys. Right. He rolled his eyes, “Yeah, yeah, yeah. I get it. You can't knock me up and vice versa.” Gakuto went to kiss the tensai and then pulled back, “And don't even think that I'm gonna do that for you, tensai. Even if you end up being some great doctor or somethin, I'm not gonna be the first knocked up guy and your guinea pig!”
Yuushi gave a sudden, surprised but still sexy laugh, “I never wanted children anyway....” The tensai tried to go right back to kissing Gakuto, but Gakuto pulled back.
“Really?” Gakuto never thought about all this stuff before. And kinda like the holding hands and kissing in public, he didn't think he wanted to have kids even if he could, but he also didn't wanna feel like he was never going to get to ever just because he was with Yuushi.
That line appeared between Yuushi's forehead again, “Yes, really. I've told you this before, however, Gakuto, I would never deny you anything your heart truly desired. And while I think we're probably a bit young, do you really think I wouldn't love a child that was yours? Or ours?” Yuushi smoothed back some of Gakuto's hair behind his ear and yeah, usually Gakuto didn't like that, but right then, it was okay so he didn't say anything. “We'll figure out what works for us, Gakuto, and if things change, if the things we want change, we'll change together, alright?”
Gakuto nodded slowly feeling completely overwhelmed. Talking with the tensai sometimes was like being in a tennis match with a pro when you're just a kid in grade school not knowing the rules of the game. All of this, everything all together was overwhelming and frightening, and if Gakuto really looked at it all, he knew without a doubt he would probably freak out or something. At worst, he'd pick a fight with Yuushi and at best, if you could call it that, they'd end up talking the rest of the damn night and crying again and again. Gakuto didn't want that. It was all too much.
The good thing about Yuushi was, the tensai probably was ten steps ahead of him and knew all that already so Gakuto didn't need to say a word. Yuushi kissed Gakuto lightly on the mouth and smiled in that sexy half-smile that Gakuto was pretty sure the tensai copied off of stupid Shishido. It only worked because Yuushi was way hotter than Shishido when he did it, and because Yuushi only did it that Gakuto had ever seen to Gakuto. “Besides,” Yuushi drawled, “that was not the distinct advantages I was talking about. As you know, there are certain things only men can do, especially men who love other men. We are going to share such pleasures and erotic delights, Gakuto. I have plans for us.”
Gakuto found himself smiling and interested. That kind of forethought was damn sexy and not overwhelming at all. All those tensai deep thoughts focused solely on pleasure was like taking a giant supercomputer and making it calculate every delicious sin and seduction in the universe all aimed at pleasing Gakuto specifically.
The good thing about Gakuto was after he was frightened, he got horny. And Gakuto did horny very, very well, even if he did say so himself. “Oh yeah? What kinda plans, Yuushi?”
The tensai practically purred a growling hum as he answered, “Oh no. Now that won't do. Not when you begged so prettily for what you wanted earlier. Now what was it you so desired?” Yuushi slid his hands over Gakuto's naked torso trailing his fingers along his skin. His hands slid down south in a knowing, sexy tease.
“So...you're not even gonna tell me?!” Gakuto was annoyed because he was very interested in whatever kinda hot things the tensai might be thinkin up, and he intended to get the answers to his questions even if he had to hold out all night for it. Even if he had to bargain and not talk to the damn tensai for days. Weeks even, because Gakuto was sure that sooner or later, Yuushi would break and tell him, but then, one of the damn genius' tennis callused hands began to cup and roll his testicles in the sexiest way while the other one wrapped around Gakuto's once again fully hard cock and began to stroke it softly. So good but so gentle—too gently to be anything more than a tease. While the one hand kept stroking Gakuto and rolling his foreskin back and forth, the other hand slid lower, with one finger gently touching Gakuto where Yuushi's mouth was earlier. And his fingers. Despite Gakuto's nerves there all suddenly coming alive, he was determined to get his answer, “Yuushi! I wanna....I...I want....”
“Hmm...?” Yuushi sounded happy and horny and sorta like the tensai found something amusing somewhere in all of this.
Which was damn annoying, and Gakuto would have been happy to mention that, but the tensai's fingers were completely distracting. Gakuto felt his erection throbbing in time with his now racing heartbeat. Then Yuushi started doing this tapping thing right at Gakuto's entrance. Three small taps with just the end of Yuushi's fingertip right there as if the idiot tensai was knocking on Gakuto's door. His backdoor Gakuto supposed but that was a ridiculous pun that only the dumb genius would enjoy.
Gakuto whimpered despite his resolve to not give in one little bit until Yuushi said what he was thinkin when he said he had plans. And Gakuto meant it too, damn it, but at Yuushi's three little taps, Gakuto's body responded completely to the touch as if he had just felt that amazing orgasm only a second ago instead of forever ago. There was a sudden little spark of warmth that flooded through the little redhead's body and the protest Gakuto meant to aim at the tensai came out instead in a little mewling noise that turned into a name, “I want.... Ohhh, Yuushi....”
Yuushi's answering humming moan seemed to vibrate right along the same pathway the spark just traveled. “By the gods, you are the most amazing and sexy thing I have ever seen.” The tensai tapped three more times and then practically purred in approval, “You're still open and ready for me.” One finger teased around Gakuto's hole and the tip gently pressed inside, “You're still slick inside from earlier. You, my beloved, are the most seductive creature I have ever had the pleasure to touch.” Yuushi's other hand stopped rubbing all over Gakuto's cock and now just touched his sensitive tip with two fingers. Gakuto knew it was two because Yuushi took them from Gakuto's erection and held them up to the tensai's mouth. They were shiny and wet with Gakuto's precome and Yuushi held them to his lips as if to be sure Gakuto was watching what he was doing. Only then did the tensai put them into his mouth. Yuushi pulled them slowly out of his mouth and then licked them clean while humming in pleasure as if savoring the taste.
As Yuushi made that hum of a moan, the tensai withdrew the fingertip of his other hand still just barely inside Gakuto's entrance. Yuushi's fingertip down there tapped against Gakuto's opening a few more times, and then entered with one finger just a little further into Gakuto.
“I wan....ohhh....” Gakuto's voice dissolved into a groan. He was feeling more of the delicious heat of lust washing over him, and completely forgetting whatever the hell it was they were doing before Yuushi did all this good, sexy stuff. And as if Gakuto wasn't overwhelmed with sensation before, Yuushi picked that exact moment to kiss him deeply as if the tensai was trying to sample more of Gakuto's taste only now from his mouth. Yuushi kissed him deeply and moaned in a hum as if he couldn't ever get enough of Gakuto's flavor.
Yuushi's finger withdrew from inside him, leaving Gakuto empty and hungry and wanting more. The tensai picked that damn moment to pull back from their hot, deep kiss to ask questions. Questions of all things! As if Gakuto was able to form coherent sentences at a time like this! The tensai slid his fingertip around Gakuto's entrance as if they had all night to keep talking. As if Gakuto wasn't practically writhing on the bed and breathing so hard he was panting as if he just ran fifty laps around the school grounds with Sato chasing after him. The hot-looking, turned on Yuushi asked with his voice a deep, honeyed growl, “What do you need, my love? What do you want? What is your desire?”
“I...?” Gakuto was confused because it was hard to think since he was pretty sure all the blood that was normally in his head was busy between his legs and making his insides twist in hot warmth.
“First thing that comes to your mind, Gakuto. What do you need? What do you want?” Yuushi practically demanded and Gakuto woulda punched him. Hard. Especially after all their stopping and starting but the tensai just tapped the tip of his finger at Gakuto's hole as if patiently waiting to give Gakuto whatever it was he asked for.
And all Gakuto had to do was somehow spit it out. So he tried, “Want...want you, Yuushi. Now.”
“What did you want to do together earlier? The idea you had that you asked me to try? How did you want us to come together, Gakuto?” Yuushi sounded almost like he was purring when he said Gakuto's name and the tip of that finger slowly started entering him. Millimeter by millimeter making Gakuto's thoughts fly out of his head.
“I...nnnngh....” And apparently out of his mouth the second the tensai started kissing and licking around Gakuto's neck and earlobe while it seemed Yuushi was going to do this while patiently waiting for Gakuto to somehow make two brain cells rub together coherently. Oh. Rub. Right. “I wanna....I just wanted us to rub off each other, you know? Just use our mouths and tongues and cocks and hands and...ohhh....” Yuushi's finger slid fully inside him like a reward for answering, making that slow warmth just ignite into a fire by the time the tensai rubbed his finger over that place inside that caused fireworks to flash before Gakuto's eyes even though he was pretty sure they were still open. “Ohhh...there...right there....and if you can give me another one of those anal things and....” Gakuto bit his lip to keep from cursing as more fireworks flashed in the best way possible. His hips and eyes rolled, “Ohhh....yeah....yeah there....Yuushi want you to.....want you to come with me while you're fingerin me. Want you. Want you to with me. Try. Please?”
The tensai was watching Gakuto's face intensely when Gakuto opened his eyes. Gakuto wasn't sure if Yuushi was storing away pictures for later—which was pretty hot to think about, or if Yuushi was worried about not being able to come. Yuushi's finger started to withdraw again and Gakuto moved quickly to keep it inside him and keep Yuushi on the same page. Gakuto positioned himself slightly more to the side and under the tensai. He rocked his hips up so their erections touched and he grabbed both of them in his hands holding them together. “The only hot part tonight, with Naomi? Was when your balls were up against mine, Yuushi. And all I could think of was how hot it would be if she wasn't there. Kinda like this. You on me. Rubbing together. I wanna do this part and feel you up against me. You're gonna try for me, but you're not gonna think about it or worry, okay? I just want you to work on seein if you can get me off like you did earlier. If you can.”
“I can.” Yuushi was all confident at least as far as that part went and Yuushi confident was damn sexy. “And I'll try, although I'm not sure if I will be able to.”
“Don't worry. I'm gonna take care of this part.” Yuushi had no idea how good Gakuto was at this. It was why he always had a boyfriend although he never had to actually have sex with most of the big idiots. Getting another guy off like this was sort of what he specialized in. Plus, even though in the past it was always Gakuto getting them off so they would protect him or keep dating him, doing it with Yuushi, maybe the two of them coming together, that was exciting. “You just worry about doin this....” Gakuto clamped down to squeeze Yuushi's finger still inside him and watched that hot Yuushi take over the tensai. With a challenge in his voice Gakuto said, “If you can....”
The tensai raised one eyebrow and it was so much like when someone challenged him on the tennis courts Gakuto smiled as Yuushi replied, “Well now, of course, I'll have to. Someday, my love, you'll learn that I never say I can or will do something unless I am absolutely certain.”
“Oh yeah?” Gakuto used both of his hands to spread the wetness leaking from the both of their tips over the length of their erections making it easier for him to slide them together. Still smiling he brought his right hand up to his mouth and licked it slowly as Yuushi eased another finger inside him. First, of course, he made sure Yuushi was watching, and he made certain to moan a little at the taste of the two of them together. After all, two could play that game, but Gakuto was a better game player than Yuushi because he ran on pure instinct. Gakuto replaced his hand around both of their cocks and found a nice, easy, light rhythm as he pressed up against the tensai to try to feel Yuushi's balls against his. Grinning at how hot Yuushi seemed to find all this, Gakuto asked, “What else you gonna do to me, Yuushi? What plans do you really have for us?”

Thanks for reading and reviewing! More soon! XD

Learning to Play by Suteishichic. Chapter Seven ~ Niou

2009-08-20T11:15:06Z

Learning to Play by Suteishichic. Chapter Seven ~ Niou

Warnings: Yaoi, Love, Angst, Fluff, and Lots of Sex. Some kink. You've been warned ;)

Disclaimer: Nope not mine. Still in my dreams. ;)

And in the next, Niou tackled Yagyuu and tumbled them both down into some bushes.

“W...!?” Niou covered Yagyuu's mouth with his hand before the question ever had the chance to become more than a tiny sharp sound and held him close. Niou hadn't been thinking when he tackled Yagyuu, he was just hyper-aware and reacting to some danger that was nearly on top of them. He felt Yagyuu's fury pouring off of him in waves probably thinking this was some new scheme of Niou's.

Niou though was still aware. He felt Yagyuu's body heat, his breath, his heartbeat, his soft clothes, and the slick feel of his sweat dampened skin wherever their skin touched. He smelled Yagyuu's own earthy, soapy scent beneath the musk of his shampoo and the minty toothpaste on his breath, and then Niou forced himself to rip his attention away from Yagyuu to the danger that approached them.

Without saying a word, he answered all Yagyuu's questions with a slight movement of his head. There. Just in front of them. An old, beat up van right down the street not more than twenty paces away from where they lay hidden. It was parked by the closed school gates where it should not be.

Niou felt Yagyuu tilt his head, now listening and cautious, but wary because he most likely still suspected all this was some hoax. Yagyuu squinted and tried to peer ahead. His glasses must have been knocked off because he wasn't wearing them.

(Yagyuu couldn't see well far away without squinting. Niou always thought the way he scrunched up his eyes was cute the few times he caught Yagyuu without his glasses--usually when Niou managed to break or damage them when Yagyuu walked into some would-be brilliant setup Niou meticulously designed for someone else.

The thing was, Yagyuu was not a clumsy person, but somehow he always managed to walk smack into Niou's best planned out schemes with disastrous and often more hilarious results than Niou originally intended or even was capable of conceiving. It was to the point that Niou now tried to take into account “the Yagyuu factor” whenever he thought up anything and still Yagyuu could find a way to royally stumble his way into a simple gag and turn it into a major catastrophe.

If Niou handed an exploding ink pen to Bunta because Bunta could never remember to bring a pen to class, somehow it was Yagyuu in a completely different class, who was always completely prepared that would end up borrowing it. This also happened with a water squirting calculator which Niou filled with the strongest granny floral perfume he could find. It not only squirted all over Yagyuu and soaked his tennis bag, but it also ruined a report Yagyuu was supposed to hand in that day. Niou replaced Yukimura's English dictionary with an identical fake copy that made a loud farting noise when opened. Yagyuu who was fluent in English for some reason borrowed it and opened it in the middle of a silent classroom. Hand exploding bubblegum or black staining bubblegum to Bunta, and Yagyuu, who didn't even chew gum would wind up on the receiving end.

It wasn't that it wasn't funny, it was just that Niou mainly was trying to make Yagyuu laugh and at least stop hating him. The Yagyuu factor was ending up to be no matter what Niou tried, Yagyuu just hated Niou even more.

Getting desperate, Niou would wait until after Yagyuu left practice for the day to show that none of these things were meant to happen to Yagyuu at all. But of course, even then, somehow for some bizarre reason Yagyuu would appear like magic in the middle of a perfect setup.

Niou filled Sanada's locker with about thirty thousand day-glow orange peanut butter filled cheese cracker sandwiches. It was brilliant. Sanada hated them to the extent that Sanada would lecture anyone he saw buying these things. Even strangers on the street eating them would get a lesson in nutrition from Sanada on the hazards of these snacks.

He figured Sanada would open his locker and they would pour all over him, but not only did Yagyuu end up opening it—when no one was allowed to touch or even basically look at Sanada's things, but in the wall behind the locker there was a bees nest. No one knew. Not even Niou. The pressure of all the smashed-in crackers somehow pushed open the back of the locker and when Yagyuu opened it, he got ten thousand crackers dumped on him followed by ten thousand angry stinging bees chasing after him.

If Niou didn't know better, he would swear Yagyuu was doing it all on purpose.

Yagyuu of course swore Niou was doing it all on purpose, but really Niou wasn't.

The best and worst though was a prank in the middle of class or practice that Yagyuu would waltz right into. Yagyuu's mouth would curl up into a painful snarl of a smile as he tried to pretend to condescendingly be amused at his own expense. It was the funniest expression Niou had ever seen.

(It even beat Sanada's face of ultimate fury when Sanada picked up his racket at a major match only to discover Niou kindly put brand new grip tape on all his rackets for him. Okay, so it happened to be hello pink sparkly pussycat scented like cotton candy strawberries grip tape, and sure, Niou rigged the racket so that it meowed out loud whenever Sanada hit the ball, not to mention that it randomly yelled out things like, “I'm the best kitty ever!” and “I'm such a pretty kitty!” But who doesn't like tennis better with sound effects? Sanada still won the match in record time. (Niou never ran so fast in all his life. Honestly. Cracking up laughing while trying to run for your life is exhausting.))

But then as funny and adorable as Yagyuu's snarl, Niou discovered around the fourth pair of destroyed glasses that Yagyuu had this squinting habit. He looked just like a little kid when he did it. All the way home and even sometimes the next day if there wasn't a spare pair, Yagyuu would scrunch his face up trying to see while at the same time he would try to look dignified. Day after day he wrinkled his face until his broken glasses were replaced. Niou wondered if Yagyuu's father invested in the company who made the glasses. Yagyuu must buy them now in triplicate. By Niou's last tally Yagyuu was on his fourteenth pair in the last three months.)

This was yet another pair of glasses Niou would be blamed for destroying.

When they tumbled down to the ground after his flying tackle, Niou somehow ended up skidding to a stop onto his hands and knees. Instinctively, Niou took the brunt of the impact and protected Yagyuu. Yagyuu barely touched the ground. That was much more important than how badly Niou landed. Niou tumbled in the air cradling Yagyuu on top of himself before flipping over to wind up on top of Yagyuu with his own torso between Yagyuu's legs. Yagyuu lay on his back and Niou's hands were on either side of him. Their mouths were close enough to kiss.

The bushes were enough cover at the moment, but the sun would be fully up soon and it was getting lighter outside. Yagyuu seemed to sense it too and instinctively or not, he sat up and drew Niou closer to him. Almost as if to shield Niou dressed all in white towards Yagyuu's safer shelter of black. Even if it was an impulse of self-preservation to keep Yagyuu from being spotted next to Niou, it soothed a tiny piece of Niou's soul when Yagyuu pulled him close.

Although he hated how pathetic it was, at that small movement, Niou's heart started singing in a silent shout of pure joy. There had been too many nights when Niou sobbed to himself, pitifully alone, that all he wanted in the world was to be held close and safe like this in Yagyuu's arms. Just once, he had wished. Just one time.

And here it was.

But it was like Yagyuu heard his happiness. Yagyuu's squint changed and he glared out of the corner of his eye at Niou dubiously. His eyes narrowed even more and his mouth tightened in suspicion and anger. He was probably thinking somehow Niou planned all this, and once again, Yagyuu was thinking of all the bodily violence he would punish Niou with.

Niou could readily admit there had been times when he was totally desperate and pathetic for Yagyuu's attention, but even in his worst late night frantic schemes he wouldn't put them in danger. He rolled his eyes and feeling embarrassed and betrayed and freshly wounded, Niou looked away. Niou turned and looked past Yagyuu, and as quietly as he could, Niou cursed.

In the early morning light, he could see Yagyuu look and then look back at him. Yagyuu's eyes even with his black hood up and hiding most of his face clearly asked Niou what was going on. Yagyuu without his glasses couldn't see that far.

“Bunta.” Niou whispered as softly as he could to explain. Marui was chi running down the side street. Or trying to. Marui struggled the most with this and despite Niou's best efforts to teach him even the most basic tricks to get to a beginner's level, Bunta never did well at it when running alone. So far, only Niou and Yukimura could coax Marui into conscious awareness and even then, it was a thin, tentative thread.

Unconsciously, when baking or listening to music or doing something else he loved, Bunta had the most amazing focus. Bunta reached great levels of awareness when he wasn't trying to, but going there when he wanted to was like trying to get a mule to do even simple mathematics. Bunta didn't understand it and he didn't really even want to. Half the time Bunta suspected the whole awareness thing was a joke of Niou's that even Sanada was in on to fool the entire team. As if. Sanada was about as funny as jock itch (although when Niou put itching powder in Sanada's often too-tight tennis shorts and Sanada thought he had jock itch it was hilarious), and about as likely to be in on a joke as he was to show up at school dressed in drag.

So there was Bunta, doing his ridiculous-looking version of chi running and bobbing along down the street. He was headed right towards the gate and seemed completely unaware of the danger he was in.

Niou only had moments to act. He would have to throw away something good for Marui's safety because if Niou didn't act right then, the results would be catastrophic.

Rather ironic given the levels of violence Yagyuu was still probably plotting right beside him. Bunta was probably still only a blur to Yagyuu.

Moving as cautiously as he could without letting either of them be seen, Niou urgently reached around his back and searched his backpack for the throwaway cellphone he kept stashed there for a rainy day. Today it was a typhoon.

Three guys clamored out of the van although from the way they moved, they were trying to be quiet about it. They left the doors of the van open and the engine was still running although there was no warning bell sounding on the older vehicle. They looked older and they were big guys. Maybe college age, but these guys didn't look like they were students at all. Niou had been around guys like this and knew guys like this were no good and probably up to even worse.

As the men stepped out and started walking forward, one of them tossed away a cigarette that was still burning. It landed right by where Niou and Yagyuu were hiding.

One of the men muttered something about how they were lucky it was a redhead. The other two readily agreed and the biggest one of them said, “Shii.” to get the others to hush.

The guys from the van started walking towards Bunta. They, like Yagyuu, were dressed all in black, but unlike Yagyuu, one guy was holding a length of coiled rope and another a baseball bat. Niou couldn't see what the third guy was holding up in front of his face, but the guy with the baseball bat readied it like he was waiting for a pitch. The guy with the rope stretched it between his hands and held it low, menacing.

“Get ready, here he comes...” the larger guy with the bat said quietly to the other two. He sucked up snot before spitting it out into the street. They were practically on top of Yagyuu and Niou but had their backs to them because they were so intently watching Bunta running.

One of the smaller guys holding something to his face said, "Remember, be quick and most of all keep him quiet. Don't hit him too hard. Just hard enough to shut him up. If you kill this one, I'm gonna have your ass. No permanent damage...yet. There'll be plenty of time to play after we get him back. On my count, one...."

Yagyuu helped Niou look although he didn't seem to understand what exactly it was Niou was now frantically groping around for for in one of his side pockets. Niou's damn wrist weights were in the way.

"Two...."

Yagyuu frowning in confusion finally held up the small phone and tilted it back and forth as if to ask if that was the item Niou was looking for.

"Thr...."

Niou sighed in relief while he grabbed and flipped the phone open. He hit send. There was only one chance, but there was also only one number programmed in and ready to go.

Perfectly, suddenly, all the fire alarms in the school rang out. Including the one by the gate. Screaming for all they were worth into the once peaceful morning.

In a panic that looked like a kid's anime scene, the three men looked at each other and then scrambled back to their van. One dropped the baseball bat and it echoed when it hit the street with a series of loud metal clangs that blended into the sirens. The van roared to life as the three men threw themselves in and it was moving, tires squealing, before the doors slammed shut.

As if aiming to run him over, the van suddenly veered towards Bunta who seemed to be still running along, completely clueless.

At the last second, while Yagyuu and Niou were struggling to untangle their limbs from each other to somehow rescue Marui, the redhead effortlessly dove out of the way of the van, tumbled into the bushes, and knocked all three of them back down to the ground.

The van's tires shrieked as it peeled around the corner and out of sight. It disappeared into the early dawn, leaving only the stench of burning rubber behind like a lingering reminder of danger being so near.

“Hey guys!” Bunta grinned at both of them, talking too loud over the blast of music pouring from his earphones, “What's up? What're you doin?” Bunta blew a lime scented bubble and it popped, “See that idiot? In the van? Came outta nowhere! Almost hit me....What?”

Niou lay there stunned for a moment and then reaching around Yagyuu, he pulled Bunta's earphones out of his ears. The came out with an audible pop on each side even with the alarms shrilly clanging in the background.

“Ow! Hey! That hurt....oh...hey?” Marui turned to the school finally noticing the alarms. “Is there a fire?” He looked back at Niou and pointed his finger, “What'd you do?” Bunta grinned huge, “Man are you gonna get in trouble when Sanada finds out what you....what?”

Yagyuu somehow extricated himself from out of their tangle of limbs and stood. He reached his hand out to Bunta and pulled the redhead up to standing. To Bunta he asked, “Are you all right?”

Niou knew Yagyuu wouldn't do the same for him and wouldn't even ask if Niou was okay. A fresh ache of hurt crashed over him. It was like someone squeezed the center of his chest and his breath caught more painfully in his throat than when Bunta collapsed both his weight and Yagyuu's on top of Niou to escape the van.

Niou saw both Yagyuu and Bunta turn to look at him as if they felt something was wrong with Niou even as Bunta answered he was fine. It was like Niou pathetically had some sort of tell to his pain. And that simply wasn't possible. He wouldn't allow it. Couldn't. It would be too morbidly embarrassing.

To cover for himself, just in case there had been something, even something slight, Niou stood and dusted himself off. He ached all over. He felt shaky from adrenaline still. His knees and palms and elbows were scraped up and his white clothes were dirty, but still, they all seemed to be alive and kicking and that was what mattered.

At least it seemed to be until Niou felt himself suddenly knocked back down to the ground.

The blow came out of nowhere as did Sanada standing over him ready to strike again. “What. Did. You. DO?!” Sanada roared at him and raised his hand again to get in another blow as Niou scrambled with no grace or dignity backwards like a crab on his feet and hands to scurry away.

Shockingly, it was Yagyuu who stopped an enraged Sanada. Yagyuu even went so far as to grab Sanada's arm. No one else would have dared. Well, perhaps Yukimura, but Yukimura commanded Sanada with his quiet voice so it would never have been needed.

Niou just sat on the ground and waited for either the sirens or his ears to stop clanging. Jackal caught up with them running along side Yanagi just as the first police cars and fire trucks arrived.

Niou couldn't make out exactly what was said since his damn ears were still ringing from the first punch and then on top of that, the stupid fire alarms were still wailing. Yagyuu must have told Sanada what happened. Niou watched as Yagyuu showed everyone the tire marks and the bat left on the ground. And they found something else on the ground that they picked up even though it was smashed. It must have gotten run over. It looked like shattered bits and pieces from something electronic.

Yanagi retrieved the card from the bits and pieces of smashed up camera and declared it recoverable before the police noticed. The bat he must have decided to leave alone. Yanagi then inspected the throwaway cellphone Niou used. Before it disappeared into one of the pockets on Yanagi's tennis bag along with the memory card, Yanagi asked Niou how he knew the frequency of the school's alarm system.

Niou shrugged, but didn't say anything else. Not with Sanada standing over him still looking like he needed to inflict more bodily harm.

Without another word, Yanagi removed Niou's backpack and that soon also disappeared.

More cops and firemen arrived and milled about. People came out from their houses or stopped on their way to work to gawk. Niou stayed where he was and tried to focus on the crack on the sidewalk in front of him.

None of this was his fault. He did a good thing. No one even seemed to care. He didn't expect anyone to say thank you or anything. He didn't do it for that, but someone could at least ask him if he was okay. He ached. His head hurt. His heart hurt. He was scratched up all over from the bushes and his knees were still bleeding. Now that he wasn't moving and his sweat was drying, without the weight and warmth of his backpack on his sweaty back he was chilly.

A few of their tennis club senpais and the cheerleaders showed up for their practices. Other people from other clubs began arriving. First a few trickled in, but then more and more started to arrive. Next some of the kendo club happened along jogging together. The swim club. Archery. Student council. Ping pong. Golf geeks. A few track and field guys and some of the soccer team milled about. Everyone was asking questions and excited by the drama unfolding. Several people looked at Niou or looked for him. Everyone always assumed it was him. Eventually someone at the school or the police would question him. Usually first.

Sanada and some of the other school club captains reported to the police that there were suspicious characters in the area and that the fire alarm or any fire was probably caused by them.

The police and fire departments insisted they had to check everything out. They told everyone to wait, ordered the people just watching on their way to work to disperse, and meanwhile more and more students arrived. The other tennis club members by then all arrived and suddenly when Niou looked up, there were hundreds of students everywhere. Considering there was almost five hundred members in the men's tennis club alone, it was a lot of people.

Everyone was talking about the fire alarms and the police. It was a flurry of activity and conversation and action, where everyone was excited and having a great time except Niou who was completely forgotten in the background still sitting on the ground.

He knew why he was being purposefully ignored by those closest to him. Niou would of course be blamed and here he was with bloody knees and elbows, all scratched up, and looking as guilty as could be. And he couldn't afford to get in trouble or be kicked off the team since they were already short a good player in their little group with Yukimura out, but still, Niou felt invisible.

And alone. No one saw him. No one cared. And that punch from Sanada still hurt. Almost as much as Yagyuu.

“Puri,” Niou muttered to himself.

He ran his fingers through the dew covered morning grass he was sitting on. The cigarette that had been burning earlier was trampled out by some girls who were talking about how cute Sanada was. As if. Niou felt the dampness seeping through his shorts and mixing with his sweat from running earlier. He felt cold and wet and tired and tried to keep from shivering.

Yagyuu walked over to Sanada and Yanagi. He suddenly bent and even though they were in a big crowd where girls were, with no warning Yagyuu pulled down his pants before stripping them off. Everyone who saw was sort of shocked until they realized Yagyuu was wearing long black shorts underneath. It was quickly dismissed even by Yagyuu's fangirls as yet another police car arrived with sirens blasting trying to get the crowd milling around the gate to disperse.

Niou made a little strangled noise though. The black shorts surprised him and he wondered what Yagyuu was wearing underneath. Sometimes Yagyuu wore a jockstrap. Niou liked that. A lot. It was unbelievably sexy. Most of the time though Yagyuu tended to wear regular underwear but twenty-seven days ago Niou saw Yagyuu's usual "tidy whities" were a most arousing black boxer brief.

Unless it couldn't be avoided, Yagyuu changed far away from Niou or didn't change clothes at all after practice. Instead Yagyuu would run home alone after practice still in his practice clothes if he didn't have some other committee meeting. Niou knew Yagyuu changing where he could see and wearing the sexy black underwear meant something, but Niou was at a complete loss as to what.

Bunta noticed too. Not that Yagyuu was near Niou, but he joked that the underwear confirmed the rumor that Bunta heard earlier. Yagyuu had a date with a girl. Yagyuu had a girlfriend.

Niou was too shocked and hurt to coherently think of anything to say or even do. He was tempted to follow Yagyuu, but Yukimura called and insisted he and Bunta go visit him in the hospital. Which was okay, but Niou was too distraught and distracted to be much good in the conversation. Yukimura that night forced Niou go hang out with Bunta and sleep over his house that night.

Most of the time Niou liked hanging out with Bunta. He enjoyed the fake wrestling matches he had with Bunta's two younger brothers and he and Bunta normally had a good time together. But that night everything was weird.

Eventually in a panic Niou called Yukimura from the toilet in Bunta's house, not sure what to do and hiding from his overly enthusiastic friend. Yukimura told Niou to just go with the flow. Even after Niou told Yukimura about Yagyuu's girlfriend, Yukimura demanded that Niou stay there and have a good time with Bunta. That lead to some really awkward moments between him and Bunta which was sort of where he and Bunta were now. Awkward and uncomfortable.

Bunta and Jackal were standing in front of Niou talking with some of the senior tennis club members. With an audience, Bunta excitedly told anyone who would listen all he knew about the van that tried to run him over right before the fire alarms went off.

Niou knew that his friends were sort of hiding Niou so no one asked why he was bleeding. Hell, at one point Bunta threw his jacket and bag on top of Niou to cover him up. He wondered if they all wished he would just go away and disappear like his family often did.

“Here.” Niou looked over, surprised to see Yagyuu kneeling next to him. And talking to him, “I'm sorry they've been worn, but it should cover your injuries until they can be properly tended to. Are you hurt anywhere else?”

Yagyuu brushed his hand across Niou's cheek and looked at his fingers. They were wet with a small amount of blood. His cheek must have been cut. Yagyuu handed Niou the sweat pants and the hooded jacket he had previously been wearing. Now he was in just black shorts and a black tank top. They both fit him well.

Niou tried to not be distracted by that and by Yagyuu's touch. He finally answered, “No. I don't think so.” Niou didn't argue and scrambled to pull on the pants and sweatshirt. If it kept Yagyuu actually talking to him, hell, he would have stripped and put on the guy's dirty underwear in front of everyone else. “Thank you.” Oh, they were still warm from Yagyuu's body heat.

Yagyuu almost smiled. Almost. “I should be thanking you.”

“So....” Niou was desperate, “You're not hurt?” Damn, wrong thing to ask. Think, stupid, think, “Hurt anywhere I mean? From when I knocked into you. You're okay?”

“Yes, I'm fine. And so is Bunta, thanks to you.”

“Oh good. I'm....” a complete and total idiot Niou thought, but he said, “glad. Really glad.” His throat was tight again. Niou's mouth was completely dry. He felt trembly and anxious all over again. He was bad at this and going to mess this tiny opportunity up.

“I'm sorry you got hurt.” Yagyuu said.

Niou thought of a million things to say to that, but Yagyuu went on to explain a completely different meaning, “I couldn't stop Sanada in time.”

“oh.” Niou smiled because if he didn't he felt like he would shatter. He shrugged, “I'm fine. Hard head.” He gently rapped his fist to his skull feeling a dull throbbing headache settle in from where he was hit so hard earlier. “Thanks for stopping him when you did.”

There was a moment when it looked like Yagyuu was going to say something else, but before he could, Bunta turned and grabbed both his bag and Niou's arm. He pulled them both up saying, “Come on! All clear. They're letting people in. Let's go!” They headed to the gate.

“Niou Masaharu?” They'd taken all of maybe four steps when one of the policemen stepped in front of him. “I have a few questions for you.”

“This guy? He saved my life!” Before Niou could respond, Bunta stepped between the cop and him. “I saw everything! They almost killed me!”

Students sensing something was going on stopped heading towards the gate and rushed closer to listen. Several girls gasped when Bunta mentioned almost being killed. He was quite popular and had a big fan club. Others whispered Niou's name and one said too loud how adorable Niou was. Still more responded to Marui saying Niou saved him with nothing less than gasps and squeals befitting a rock star sighting.

The older cop in response to the many students pressing closer and listening in while many girls all around them chattered and commented all at once, looked pained, “And you are?” Cell phone cameras clicked and flashed as Bunta put his arm around Niou. Fan girls squealed and shouted how they loved one of them or the other or both of them.

Niou figured the cop probably didn't like kids, and had never seen a large crowd of girls gathering around their idols. What was even worse for the cop was right then, Marui had already transformed into the hyper-chibi little kid version of himself.

This was the problem when Bunta was nervous, or in trouble, or talking about food, you absolutely, positively could not make him shut up once he got started. Especially if he had an audience. The cop had one chance to stop Marui before it began, and it was right now.

But the cop, not knowing Bunta, had no idea and suddenly it was too late.

Bouncing on the balls of his feet with wide eyes the size of saucers, Marui took a deep breath and unleashed himself on the poor cop, “I'm Marui Bunta!” He spelled out the characters for his name and pointed at the cop's notebook to write it down. He waited dramatically, warming up the crowd with a smile before the cop started writing, “I'm going to be a junior this next year. We both are.”

Bunta grabbed Niou by Yagyuu's jacket sleeve. “We're in the same class. We're in the tennis club, Niou and me. We're best friends.” Bunta smiled and posed for pictures. Girls screamed and cheered. More flashes went off.

Sanada tried to tell Bunta to back off and let the police do their job, but Bunta to Sanada's evident shock, shook him off and kept talking. And bouncing. And talking. And bouncing and talking some more.

The cop at one point even tried to pawn Bunta off on another younger-looking cop to take his statement, but Bunta was on a tirade and not going to stop. Especially not with a crowd of his own fans gathered around him listening with rapt attention to his every word. Niou almost laughed, but he knew Bunta was really only trying to keep him out of trouble. Nothing short of another fire alarm or a five-star buffet magically appearing before them could stop Bunta now. You simply had to wait until he ran out of energy.

Eventually, despite many pauses for photos, Bunta told the cops an overly-dramatic rendition of what happened. His story was that he was running along to morning practice when suddenly Niou ran up and pulled him out of the way because this huge black van came out of nowhere and tried to run him over.

Bunta showed the police the scratches he and Niou had from the bushes they had to dive into. He walked everyone over to the fresh skid marks and how they were aimed towards where he was before they veered away. A younger policeman noticed that there was the baseball bat still on the ground and when he asked Bunta where that came from, Marui had no idea. He said they were on the tennis team, not the baseball team.

But suddenly Bunta put together a new theory. He bounced and was excitedly asking if maybe the people in the van had maybe been coming to get him. There had been two attacks the week before on freshmen that would have been in their tennis club—if they hadn't been beaten up so badly. Those attacks were at night though, and the school clubs said that everyone who stayed late had to make sure to go home with a friend, but no one did anything different in the mornings.

Bouncing and looking afraid now, Bunta speculated that maybe the men in the van set the fire alarms off to cover their abducting him. Bunta demonstrated with a wide, sweeping gesture of the crowd around him, how certainly the fire alarm going off turned the school grounds into complete chaos. It would have been a while before anyone noticed one student missing.

It sounded more than plausible and Niou thought it rather remarkable that Bunta somehow aligned his story very close to the truth.

Niou barely said a word the entire time because he couldn't get one in. While the police might have wanted to drag Niou away to question him in private, no way with this crowd was that going to happen. Not without the fangirls and other tennis club members making a big ruckus and taking pictures the whole time.

Eventually Bunta exhausted himself enough to slow down his rapid-fire monologue and the cop was able to ask Niou if he had anything else to add. He was able to give the license plates, front and back, even though they didn't match as well as the possible van make and model.

Suddenly gaining a second wind, Bunta started telling the cops how Niou had excellent vision and a great memory. Several girls gushed over how cute Marui was and how wonderful Niou was to have saved Bunta, and by then the all-clear signal was given. Most of the fire department had left along with the police and the rest were packing it in.

Despite the excitement of the morning, most of the teachers and coaches in charge of various clubs began to get down to the business of directing everyone to where they needed to go so that they could start practice.

Miraculously, Niou was free to go. At least he seemed to be until Sanada growled through clenched teeth with an iron grip that clamped down on his bicep that Niou would walk with Sanada to the nurse's office to be looked at.

To Niou's astonishment, Yagyuu gently replaced Sanada's hand with his own and said he should do it since Niou saved him as well. Yagyuu mentioned that enough time had been wasted and the rest of them should resume practice. Yagyuu even offered to run laps with Niou when they returned to make up for the time they lost at the Nurse's office.

Wonder of wonders, after glaring long and hard at Yagyuu who stood there defiantly staring back, Sanada agreed.

Turning to him with an almost smile and still holding Niou's arm almost protectively, Yagyuu said, “Shall we then?”

Thanks again for reading and reviewing!
More soon and much love! XDDDDDDDD

*very excited to post next chapter!!!*

(my connection tonight is teh suck so if I can't get this up on ffn and other sites right now, I'll try again in a few hours)

Learning to Play by Suteishichic. Chapter Six ~ Niou Masaharu

2009-08-19T07:31:25Z

Learning to Play by Suteishichic. Chapter Six ~ Niou Masaharu

Warnings: Yaoi, Love, Angst, Fluff, and Lots of Sex. Some kink. You've been warned ;)

Disclaimer: Nope not mine. Still in my dreams. ;)

Niou Masaharu snapped open his eyes, startled wide awake.

Wide awake and completely and utterly...aware.

When Niou was a little boy, he was in a constant state of awareness of everything around him to such a deep extent, it took over his life and held him hostage. Niou's earliest days, as far back as he can recall, were an endlessly dark, scary and horrible prison of chaos, confusion, and constant pain. He remembers being alone, afraid, and unseen constantly until slowly, miraculously, he began to be freed from the confines of his own mind and the awareness that held him prisoner.

Now that he was older and had been working through his treatments, being aware became something no longer overwhelming that he had to fight through just to do little things like smile at a friend or hold a conversation. Niou's freedom was a daily victory of light over the darkness. It was no small accomplishment for Niou to have come so far and to continue improving. His doctors and his family were all pleased with his one in a million progress, even if they didn't completely understand how difficult his fight to be free really was.

It was something that Niou was rightfully proud of, even if he never wanted to talk about it. Ever. With anyone.

And one of the reasons he most didn't want to talk about it is because what his parents and the doctors did now know was he didn't completely vanquish being aware. That was impossible.

Instead Niou only learned how to manage it in order to function so that he seemed just like any other “normal” person. He worked at it all the time, every moment of every day. His grasp over the darkness was not a mastery, instead he only held it at bay, but hold it he did. So far he was doing okay, but he knew it always loomed over him, always threatened to take him over if he let his guard down for even just a moment. His control and strength were the reasons he was so proud even if no one else ever really understood his struggle.

Niou had learned to handle it, and after much practice he could even to do it with such seeming ease that no one ever knew. He would appear relaxed and confident instead of constantly at battle with his unseen enemy all while trying to act as “normal” as possible. It was his unseen enemy and yet, there were times when being in a state of awareness, even a slight amount was a huge advantage over other “normal” people.

Now almost like everyone else, Niou had to reach to achieve any state of awareness and when he did, his struggle wasn't to achieve it like everyone else, but instead to just hold on to a little manageable portion. He would just take in a very small, controlled sip instead of what felt like being helplessly drowned by the rushing tides of all the water in the world all at once.

So it was rare and scary that Niou would become aware with no effort, but what was even more incredible was that he woke up in this state.

It was unheard of. Unprecedented. It did not bode well.

Something was not right.

Niou sat up. He felt like he was running on a strange combination of instinct and training--like a soldier trained for battle roused from a sound sleep seconds before a bomb went off. Niou was awake and he felt like he had to do something....

But what?

Okay. Breathe. Hold yourself together. He first had to figure out what was wrong. Niou felt out in the darkness to his surroundings and wrestled to stay in control of himself, his fears, and the awareness. He couldn't shake the feeling that something very bad was going to happen and also, maybe importantly, Niou sensed he was close.

In his still dark room, Niou softly called out his name. It felt like he was so nearby. Niou licked dry lips, said his name slightly louder, and waited for an answer. It really felt like he was right there beside Niou and yet as always, he was so far away. There was, of course, no reply. He wasn't there. He would never be.

All that answered back to Niou was the constant lingering ache of heartbreak like an echo....

And Niou had to put his heartache aside because something else out there was terribly dreadfully, horrifically, wrong. It prickled and annoyed. It made Niou squirm in his skin. It crawled along the back of Niou's neck in a million sharp sparks of pure adrenaline.

Move.

Niou glanced at his alarm clock as he threw off his towelket. He was wide awake, wide aware, and even if it was unbearably early, there was no way feeling this stressed he would fall back asleep.

As was his habit every morning, no matter that he'd barely slept or was fighting off the adrenaline coursing through his system, Niou clicked on his light and opened up his latest book of folktales. The world outside might be falling apart, but he learned that if he kept all his little habits in check, his habits would hold him together and keep him from flying apart into a million shards.

Trying to live in a million splinters while awareness automatically engulfs you was like trying to persist in a waking nightmare. Niou had to keep himself together no matter what.

As a result, Niou was very superstitious. His habits and their meanings were so serious, so vial to his being that they became nearly a religion. A religion created out of fear with daily rituals to hold back the darkness that was always menacing.

Niou's superstitions and rituals were things most people who were not close to him really ever knew or understood. Most people generally thought he was a flighty, quirky guy who sailed through life without any cares or concerns. They were wrong.

Habits were vitally important. Rituals mattered. Focusing on the world around him and being centered in the now was urgent--and above all, to win the fight every day, you had to keep order.

Even more than all the years of intensive behavioral therapy, Niou learned from Sanada that keeping order could enable anyone to see their way out of chaos.

So despite Niou wanting to crawl out of his own skin to escape the wrong things he was feeling, and even though he felt so close, Niou forced himself to sit and read his story for the day. It was important. The tone of the story he read each morning on some trickster or another would usually determine the kind of day Niou would have. It set the tone and gave him a direction. He used to do the I Ching, but Niou discovered over time, that it was not as personal or as reliable as his daily tale.

He wished he didn't have to read the story halfway through, but he knew he had to finish it. Each word made Niou feel more anxious. More unsettled. The story today was so shocking, so terrible it confirmed Niou's worst suspicions.

Something bad was going to happen today.

Niou believed it with his entire being. All signs confirmed it. Now, knowing that, there was a chance Niou could stop or influence or change it.

After several long talks with their Captain, Niou knew what he was now. Niou was a catalyst or an enzyme. Exactly which one he was, he wasn't sure (he hadn't decided if he himself was changeable or not yet) but what Niou did know for certain was that he made things change.

Sometimes his simply being present in a situation would alter the entire outcome. Niou reasoned out that he basically shouldn't be walking and talking and living his life, but he was, so now the universe just had to find ways to deal with him. When you looked at the big picture, Niou really was not supposed to be around at all, but because he was, his mere presence caused the universe to open alternative realities to cope which made him the variable that changed all previous equations.

It made Niou quite a wild card before he even acted or reacted to any situation. When you add in Niou's actions and reactions to an event plus his capricious nature, you ended up with multiple possible universes of unprecedented and unpredictable possibilities. He was the ultimate trickster. He had learned to be present in life and this is what Niou's presence caused. Or made happen. Or altered.

He changed things. Niou guessed it was sort of why he was born and why he was born the way he was--if such things could ever be completely explained.

And today, Niou felt strongly he needed to change whatever this bad thing was. Whatever this wrongness, this disturbance that Niou felt was, no matter what it might be, Niou knew he needed to be out there in the middle of it.

Without even considering the early hour, Niou reached for his cellphone before he put his book down in its proper place. He hit redial before even putting his thoughts in order. A rare thing for him, because usually Niou practiced several times before he spoke to anyone. Especially before a phone call where he couldn't read the other person's expressions or reactions to know if he'd gone too far or not far enough.

Niou especially always needed to have some joke, or story, or opening line ready when he talked to someone. And he worked even harder to be completely prepared with these things in place most of all with the people he respected and cared most about.

Not today. Today he felt like he was somewhere between bouncing off the walls with his need to be out there in the middle of things and having a full-on panic attack at not knowing where the middle of things were. Luckily for him, this person knew him. This person saw him. This person alone understood him, what he could do, who he was, and how he worked like no one else ever had.

“Niou-kun.” Just the gentle voice sent a shiver of calm running through Niou's jittery brain. It was like a warm hand easing away the worst of the panicked chills shivering down his spine.

That placid voice. Those perfect tones. So certain. So sure. Even though it was barely 4 in the morning.....Niou realized the time and mentally cursed himself. He should not have called this early.

Then Niou realized that he was still on the phone, not saying anything, and the person on the other end probably thought he was a daft idiot or that he'd hit redial in his sleep. Niou struggled for something sensible and silly to say. Something wry and brilliant and as bright as this person's light....

“Niou-kun?” The voice sounded both entertained and ever-patient. Consistent and steady, but still amused.

Oh great. Now he was being laughed at. Say something, you big stupid....”Good...good morning.” Niou tried to sound cool and as collected as the person he'd called. Tried and failed. He sounded to himself as worried and alone and as stressed out as he was feeling.

“What's wrong?” Pure concern and unwavering attention came from the other end. Niou thought it truly was beautiful how he never had to go out of his way for this person to see him. If only the rest of the world could be as aware and centered and sure.

“I....” He tried to focus and put all he was feeling into words, but he couldn't, “I don't know. I woke up and it felt like he was close. Like he was here. Right here. Next to me. And it...it feels like something is wrong. All wrong. Like something bad is going to happen...or is just about to and I need to be there. And then I....I don't know. I don't know what I'm supposed to do.” Niou's heart was hammering in his chest. He swallowed and tried to take a deep breath to stay centered. To stay himself and not get lost. He felt near tears in his frustration and his throat was as parched as when he ran a lot and forgot to drink enough before.

Niou worried suddenly about why this person was awake so early and realized even if the answer scared him, this person always liked when he was bold enough to ask, “How are you?”

The others were often too afraid to ask. Or to talk about it. But he alone was brave because this person always saw him. Always understood him. Even if the others thought he was being too callous, or too brash asking such delicate things, Niou knew Yukimura was always pleased when he asked.

“I'm well. I feel good today. Strong.” He heard the smile return to that centered voice, “What was the story today?”

Yukimura knew his habits and rituals better than anyone else ever. Generally, they weren't the kinds of thing Niou talked about with other people, and still, Niou was slow to trust even the others he was close to with the keys to unlock his true self. He liked being an enigma that had to be slowly unraveled. Niou even enjoyed it most when he was able to show people a peek of what was inside him without ever actually revealing anything concrete at all. If anything, when he revealed little glimpses into himself, it just threw even those he was close to off his trail. In the end, even with showing a little bit here and there like a peep show to the others, really only Yukimura and one other person were able to put most of it together.

And in the end, it didn't matter because that other person closer to him than even Yukimura for a moment, was in the span of a heartbeat forever gone. It was Niou's fault.

Niou had several nightmarish dreams about it. He would dream he was on stage performing a burlesque stripping dance while wearing a mask and feathered costume. One by one he removed each feather until he was standing naked on the stage. The only person watching him was that person. That person got closer and closer until sitting right in front of Niou.

The music stopped and since Niou had nothing left to remove, he untied his mask and let it fall to the ground. Before it even clattered to the stage floor and shattered into shards, that person stood up, gave him a long look of disgust, and walked out leaving Niou standing there. He still felt naked, ashamed, and bitterly hurt whenever he thought about the dream, even though Niou knew this person walking away from him was really Niou's own fault. Truly it was, but even if he had done everything right and taken off his mask first, he can't help but wonder if that person would have even stayed around long enough to watch him remove all his feathers. He figured he would never know.

His morning story ritual though was no longer a secret. Nothing was a secret once you told Bunta. Curious to see what would happen, Niou shared his story ritual with Bunta the first time he'd slept over Bunta's house. At first Niou was nervous to say anything, but he quickly realized that unless he carried his book with him to the toilet, his gregarious friend wasn't going to give him a moment's space to read in peace. So Niou confessed and waited to see what would happen.

Bunta shrugged and seemed to think it was just another mysterious thing Niou did. Later Bunta seemed to come to the conclusion that Niou read these books for daily inspiration or as if it was some weird way to pray to the prankster gods that would lead to an eventual escapade. And that's what Bunta told everyone, that it was some kinda prayer/inspirational thing. Bunta was wrong, but Niou was pleased to allow him to spread his incorrect Niou theories.

When Bunta told everyone important in the locker room the next day, Niou waited to see how each individual responded. He tried to be his own fly on a wall and note each person's reactions.

Jackal shrugged and smiled at Niou before walking out to practice first. It was his way of telling Niou that he accepted Niou's beliefs even if he didn't share them. Religion was something that was intensely personal to Jackal and not something he ever debated or discussed.

Yanagi furrowed his brow and intensely listened while Bunta talked. After a few moments, Yanagi muttered that it was “fascinating” before turning to his electric data pad and typing it in for posterity. It was more satisfying than Bunta finding it just something quirky.

Certainly Yanagi's response was more interesting than Sanada's barely audible chuffing sound of dismissal and derision at yet another stupid thing Niou did.

Sanada was always more satisfied with one swift and powerful blow slicing through all the mire at once than solving riddles. After many long conversations with Yukimura and even occasionally the others trying to figure out why Sanada seemed to hate him so much, Niou lately believed that he was more than just a thorn in Sanada's side.

Yukimura believed and pointed out to Niou that most likely he reminded Sanada of a time when their vice-Captain was not in control. When he was weak and helpless and that what Yukimura called Niou's special gift really represented many things that Sanada most feared. Niou's presence and his condition brought out the worst in Sanada on many levels. It happened with some people. Niou was usually okay with it because he understood people not accepting him really had nothing to do with him as a person. Again, he was an enzyme making things react and change—even Sanada.

While Bunta told the story ritual, Yukimura looked intrigued. Soon after he took Niou aside and asked questions. Their Captain's famous intense inquisitiveness was aroused in a most delicious way. When Yukimura concentrated so completely on you, you felt like the only person in the universe. Yukimura, Niou decided right then and there, was the most cat-like human Niou had ever met.

Niou explained his story ritual in exhaustive details, feeling delighted to really get to tell the heart of what his ritual really meant and why it was important. At the end of their conversation, there was no judgment or any feeling of embarrassment, instead the Captain thanked Niou and now Yukimura only mentioned it when appropriate. Out of respect. Complete acceptance. So perfect.

But Yagyuu? Now Yagyuu was truly special. Yagyuu was utterly unlike Yanagi, or Yukimura, or Sanada—utterly unlike anyone Niou had ever known. Yagyuu had no fear of Niou or what Niou might do. Instead Yagyuu seemed to really enjoy nothing more than working out the mystery of Niou. He seemed to take pleasure in taking the time to untie the Gordian knots of little hints Niou casually dropped behind his wake. Niou was thrilled to leave a trail of breadcrumbs behind him for Yagyuu to puzzle over like a path of clues in a forest.

Yagyuu apparently was moved when he found out about Niou's story habit, and at some point it inspired him to purchase a rare book of stories from overseas. Then to top it off, Yagyuu personally translated the whole thing, typeset his translations, and had the book bound. Even though Yagyuu was not speaking to Niou anymore, Yagyuu took the time to personally present it to Niou for his birthday. It was still the most incredibly amazing thing even if when given it, Yagyuu simply stated he had no use for it and Niou could either throw it away, burn it, or do whatever he wanted with it.

Oh, how that had hurt worse than the most perfectly penetrating slice of Sanada's blade through tissue and bone cleaving Niou in two. It was such a brilliant gift and given with such a casually dismissive delivery, it was beautiful. Beautifully brutal.

It still could bring Niou to his knees just thinking about it. The expense, the countless hours of work, and then that presentation heartlessly offered in front of everyone just to twist the knife. As if Yagyuu was Niou's second all too ready with his own blade when Niou hesitated at his own seppuku.

Yagyuu devastated him. And Niou had only himself to blame.

The trickster was tricked and fell into a trap of his own making. Niou didn't know what was worse, the pain he was feeling from being heartbroken, or the fact that he knew he brought all this upon himself.

Niou treasured the book as it promised by it's very existence everything in the universe Niou had ever wanted. It was a stunning vestige of everything that almost was, but never would be.

He heard Yukimura on the other end stir slightly. Patiently waiting for Niou to fixate on the now. Because of the ever-looming awareness, Niou's hold on the present was different from other “normal” people. If he lost focus for even just a moment he easily could see and be distracted by the past as well as potential futures along with his present all at once as if there were ten thousand televisions playing with sound blasting away right in front of him. It was often overwhelming to concentrate on just one. Especially when he was as aware and as stressed as he was now.

Niou took a breath in and slowly released it. He knew without listening too hard that Yukimura probably would be matching his breathing on the other end. It calmed him. Centered him. Yukimura's bright light anchored him even in his current state of flux.

“I'm sorry.” Niou said feeling calmer. He tried to explain, “I woke up aware today, and the story? It was bad.”

He heard nothing from Yukimura's end. His Captain would patiently wait for him to proceed no matter how long it took. Yukimura did not ask twice. Ever.

“The book right now is Native American folk tales.” Niou paused because even thinking of this book hurt. It always did. Niou knew Yukimura would know which book he meant and would understand the significance of it. Yukimura would understand the importance.

After his overly dramatic pause, Niou continued, “Their trickster is a coyote instead of a badger or a fox, but the stories are often similar to others from around the world. The coyote is often jealous of the wolf. The wolf in this one was beloved by the people and coyote was jealous. The wolf was bringing everyone back from the dead by shooting an arrow into the ground below them. No one ever died. Coyote tried to trick wolf by telling him if he kept letting everyone live, the world would become overpopulated. After many days and nights of coyote trying to convince wolf thinking it would make the people not like wolf anymore, wolf finally agreed.”

Niou took another slow breath to calm himself, “Coyote came to wolf the next day in tears. His young son was bit by a poisonous snake and dying. He begged wolf to save his son. To bring him back from the dead. He begged and pleaded, but wolf held fast. He did not help coyote or his child, and....”

“And?” Yukimura encouraged softly.

Anger felt good after being nearly smothered by so much anxiety. Niou tried to keep his voice quiet in the still, early morning, but he was sure his rage was still coming through. Sounds were important though. Making them into coherent speech was not easy, but it was worth it. Especially with this person. Niou heard himself make a small noise that started as a growl but ended in a whine, “And the people respected and revered wolf all the more because he held fast and was not persuaded.”

Niou couldn't dwell in his emotions or they would swallow him. He paced around feeling like a caged wild animal himself. He needed to move and be out there where he would change things. “I miss you. Can I come see you? Please?”

Yukimura made a small noise of negation and Niou felt his spirits sinking even lower. The darkness was seeping into his pores, his bones, his marrow. It would hold him in its grip and not let go. Yukimura said, “Not this morning. They're running some tests. And you have some serious things you need to do, but everyone will come here after practice this afternoon.”

“Okay.” Niou wasn't happy about being denied, but Yukimura would tell him what to do. Yukimura always knew what he needed. What they all needed. At the word, the command word, he snapped back to focus and attention and awareness and bound them together by his will. "I'll be serious."

“Excellent. First, you are to dress. I want you to wear all white this morning. I want you to be seen and white is good for being noticed. I want you to start dosing immediately while you dress and I want you to run to the field. Aware. Take the longest way. Keep running aware until the others meet you. Sanada will be there soon to further instruct you. Do not let me down, and I'll see you and everyone else this afternoon.”

“Thank you.” Niou breathed a sigh of relief. He was already starting to move. He put the book Yagyuu gave him back in it's proper place and folded his towelket into a perfect rectangle before putting it back to where it went. He was glad to have a destination now. He slept naked except for his wrist and ankle weights, so it was nothing to slip on white running shorts while sucking down one of the hydrogel packs. They tasted disgusting, but they worked to keep his energy and hydration up and Niou liked how they were always cold even on hot days. It was a delicate balance. Everything was.

He was sliding his white tank top on when he realized he was still holding the phone in one hand to his ear. Yukimura was still on the phone with him and hadn't said anything. It was as if the Captain was waiting for something.

Niou had no idea what. Stalling for time, he struggled to find something to ask while throwing his things and the extra weights they all carried to improve their running into his tennis backpack, “Are your tests bad today?”

Sounding powerful and brave Yukimura said dismissively, “Nothing I can't handle.”

Niou was on his third gel pack out of his morning ten when he felt that sensation wash over him again. He made a sound and decided he should explain in words, “Oh. I... Oh... It...it feels like he is so close.”

Now Yukimura sounded delighted, “He is close. If you hurry, you may run with him.”

Oh. Oh. How in the hell did Yukimura do that? Just know everything? On so many levels? And keep it all together? How in the seven hells was he able to be so aware of everything without drowning or getting smothered by the weight and the noise of the whole universe?

Niou often felt he would never be able to reach those levels. Not even when Yukimura insisted that he, out of everyone on their team was naturally so very close. Yukimura said Niou was "advantaged" where everyone else had to work so hard for it. He didn't understand, but Niou could appreciate Yukimura's skills on levels others would never know or see or comprehend. Yukimura floored him. Awed him. Humbled him. And most of all, unconditionally accepted him.

Thinking all that kind of did make up for Niou's morning starting off so bad. Especially when Niou realized he would be able to be alone, running with him, really it made everything almost bearable, “Thank you. Thank you. I....thanks. I...I'll bring you something good when I see you.”

“Niou?” Yukimura sounded amused and then didn't. “Hurry and go.”

“Okay. I....” He had no idea how Yukimura did half the things he did and they called Niou the trickster? Just because it would make Yukimura smile, even if it meant Niou would be punished later, Niou said as he locked his door, “Okay, Mother. Give them hell with those tests. Love you. Bye.”

Niou hung up the phone before he could hear Yukimura's response. Smiling he bounded downstairs, and as he turned around, he went to throw his keys and phone into one of the side pockets on his backpack before starting to run. At that exact moment, Yagyuu Hiroshi ran past him.

For a long moment, Niou stood there in stunned silence wondering anew at Yukimura before taking off after Yagyuu.

It is never easy to run aware. Chi running is not a skill anyone can just master overnight and Niou, even with his "advantage" still found it difficult for the first twenty or so steps. Trying to start chi running while at the same time attempting to catch up with Yagyuu and stare at him was nearly impossible. Nearly. About half a block later, Niou managed to run beside Yagyuu and their steps automatically synced from so many hours of running together.

It was another level of awareness, but it was not perfect.

The flaw for once was not with Niou.

He glanced over at Yagyuu and the guy's mouth was drawn tight in that annoyed way he had whenever Niou was near. But Niou was not disheartened. Yagyuu had made space for him on the sidewalk and must have slowed his steps enough for Niou to catch up. Niou chose to take that as a good sign and not believe it was just Yagyuu being his usual kind and generous self. Niou alone knew that Yagyuu was not nearly as kind or generous as everyone thought.

He could be quite savagely cold-hearted.

Especially when it came to Niou.

Niou sighed and might have made a small sound of hurt. But it was very small. Only someone paying the closest attention to him would pick it up.

“I'm serious.” Yagyuu hissed, sounding completely annoyed and as if he was directing all his anger towards Niou. As if Niou did something wrong. Or newly wrong.

Niou didn't do anything and couldn't change the situation. Eventually he knew Yagyuu would begin to run aware again, and his anger at Niou would not matter any more. It wouldn't go away, but when you were in a state of awareness on even the lower level level Yagyuu was at, in the grand scheme of everything in the universe and your being in that moment, anger and any other feelings would just not mean anything. At least not until Yagyuu stopped running.

Not sure what to do or say, Niou grunted in agreement meaning he was aware and serious and without dropping their pace or faltering, they continued running the long way. They ran up and down every block and time passed. After a few blocks or maybe it was twenty, Niou let in more awareness. Just a touch of everything in the universe around them, but it still felt like the two of them were silent and cut off from each other. It was like running next to a blind spot. Or a black hole.

Especially appropriate because Yagyuu was wearing all black. Niou wondered if his hair under the hooded sweatshirt he was wearing was still that nightmarish purple color from the shower accident last week. It was totally intended as a joking payback for Bunta sticking Niou with the check the night before when they went out for burgers, but Yagyuu walked right into the trap as if it was supposed to happen to him.

Niou offered to fix it. He didn't even laugh that much and he offered to make it better. Hell, he offered anything to make it better—even at one point telling Yagyuu he could shave Niou's hair off if that would make him feel better, but it didn't. Yagyuu said all Niou could do to make things better was to leave Yagyuu the hell alone. Forever.

Yagyuu couldn't run aware and hold on to his emotions, but Niou could. He was at a different level. He wondered if Yagyuu knew about that. Or even cared.

Feeling like he was slipping under into deep sorrow and grief, Niou closed his eyes as they ran. He let go.

He had to. He felt the energy of the earth rising up to meet his feet when they touched the ground. He stopped trying to reach out desperately to the black hole of Yagyuu and just tried to be. They ran and ran. They could be anyone. They could be anywhere. They could be anywhen. They were timeless and spaceless. They were everywhere and nowhere all at once.

Niou kept his eyes closed and let the sounds of Yagyuu's feet and his breath guide Niou's steps. He trusted, let go even more, and continued running along, listening to the waking world moving all around them. He was just being in the moment even if Yagyuu was closed off to him. Niou completely opened himself even more than he normally ever dared. He opened himself up even if he couldn't shake the annoying feeling that something was wrong. Even if Yagyuu never forgave him and this was all he would ever have, Niou let his mind and soul be completely free and his heart wide open and he ran and lived in this moment.

And in the next, Niou tackled Yagyuu and tumbled them both down into some bushes.

A/N: Thank you SO much to everyone for your support! Your continued reading of this little story (*g*) and your comments are all greatly appreciated and I truly treasure each and every one.

More soon. I promise! (Like tomorrow, k?)

I've been really busy irl, and sickly, and sidetracked writing originals, but I have a lot of chapters here to get up too. I miss y'all and can't wait to get back on track here.

*Huuuuuuuuuuuuuugs*

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Learning to Play by Suteishichic. Chapter Five ~ Taki

2009-08-19T07:29:00Z

Learning to Play by Suteishichic. Chapter Five ~ Taki

Warnings: Yaoi, Love, Angst, Fluff, and Lots of Sex. Some kink. You've been warned ;)

Disclaimer: Nope not mine. Still in my dreams. ;)

The first time Taki woke up, everything hurt so bad, he moaned and pulled his blanket up over his head. Shutting his eyes against the daylight, he fought off a major headache and cursed several times before rolling over. He tried to nestle down in the warmth between his sheets in an effort to forget everything and sleep it off.

Taki was not very good at forgetting though. Not even in his dreams was he able to slip away unscathed.

His dream started off normal enough; he was playing tennis. Playing tennis was always good, but when he looked across the net, to his shock, Taki saw he was playing against Ogawa....

Ogawa Naoyuki broke Taki's heart. Oh sure, other people had hurt Taki's feelings and of course there had been failed little school crushes here and there, but no one had ever been as close to Taki as Ogawa. Never had anyone won Taki's total trust, stolen his heart, and been such an important person to Taki--before walking completely away.

Seeing Ogawa again, even if only in a dream, echoed through Taki with an ache worse than any physical pain. Even a dream image of Ogawa brought back a flood of emotions.

Despite how much it hurt and regardless of how much time passed, Taki knew he could never forget Ogawa. Their time together mattered, and Taki still mourned the loss every day. Ogawa was still the first person Taki wanted to talk to when he woke up each morning, just like they used to. Ogawa was still the first person Taki automatically reached to call every time something good or bad happened, and any time Taki needed someone to talk to. And most significant of all, thinking about Ogawa or just missing him always was the last thoughts Taki had before falling asleep.

Sometimes it felt like Ogawa was haunting him, but Taki knew that even that was wishful thinking on his part. Ogawa was gone and he wasn't coming back. It felt to Taki as if Ogawa died and took a huge chunk of Taki's heart with him when he went. Ogawa was gone. And to rub salt in Taki's wounds, Ogawa moved on with his life without even so much as a backwards glance. Ogawa was gone and the only one walking around feeling half-dead was Taki.

Ogawa was apparently functioning fine. Taki was the only one left holding the pieces and mourning over what was. There was no grave to visit, no corpse to burn incense and pray over, and what felt worst of all, there wasn't even a trace that anything ever happened between them. But there had been. And it had been good, and wonderful, and the stuff of dreams.

It happened. Even if Taki was the only one in the universe left to remember.

There was nothing Taki could do that was going to change it either so he accepted it now. He had no choice but to accept it, but Ogawa remained a major part of Taki's history. No matter how much he tried to set his feelings for Ogawa aside, it just wasn't possible. Taki acted like it didn't matter to everyone he knew. But it did. Deep down Ogawa hurt to think about, so Taki tried to avoid it whenever possible. No one knew he walked around hurting all the time and thinking of Ogawa constantly.

The only person Taki would have every confessed any of this to was Ogawa, so no one knew. Not a soul. He didn't want his friends to know how hurt he was. He didn't want to let his enemies know he was so vulnerable. Taki wouldn't even talk about it in therapy. He didn't think he could stand to hear his therapist dismiss Ogawa as a first love, or worse an infatuation or a curiosity. He didn't think he could stand to listen to his therapist say it was merely youthful lust or normal experimentation as she usually did--especially if he talked about liking or dating or being interested in another guy.

Taki had therapy down by this point. Go once a week, talk about trivial, meaningless gossip, the tennis team, classes, or how Gakuto was a jerk, and Taki wouldn't be forced to go daily. It was nice to have the therapist there in case he wanted to talk about his medications or depression in general, but he was smarter now than he had been in the beginning. He knew anything in his life that was real, serious, and especially even remotely homosexual would get him nothing but a lecture and a series of annoying, endless appointments. Worse still, he worried his therapist would report anything "gay" back to his school or his parents.

So fine, Ogawa was gone, Taki was still in mourning, probably always would be, and according to the rest of the world, everything they shared never happened. He could pretend with the best of them even if he couldn't forget.

In Taki's dream to suddenly see Ogawa standing there waiting...looking so vibrant and happy...it was enough of a surprise to be almost horrific. It was so unfair. Especially since Ogawa....

Taki growled and burrowed down in his blankets more. He forced himself to think about something else--anything else. Clearing his mind wasn't working so maybe if he thought about happier times he would just drift off. Maybe if he just remembered back to when he first met Ogawa--back when everything still made sense....

They started off the most unlikely of friends. A random pairing that no one would throw together--not even Atobe in one of his far-flung, almost magical schemes. They seemed too different. No one would suspect they would ever find common ground, but they did. A random series of events sparked a friendship. Unpredictably, their friendship took off, but you had to go back even further to see why it was such an impossible pairing.

A few years ago in grade school, there was a time when Taki was picked on by some of the older kids at school. It started out as just being teased and taunted once in a while by a few older kids, but it quickly progressed to the point where every day Taki would be bullied. And the bullying quickly escalated into more than just verbal threats and harsh words. Soon enough it became physical. Daily, he would be kicked, tripped, slapped, punched, and hurt in some way.

Taki began to fear going to school because the one thing he was sure of was that every day, until another student or a teacher stepped in, he was going to be assaulted. There was no rhyme or reason for it. He tried everything he could think to do to stop it. He tried talking and bribery and fighting back, but it just wouldn't stop. Taki wasn't any different from his classmates. He wasn't any shorter or smaller or weaker. He wasn't poor. He wasn't ugly. He wasn't weak. If anything it was the opposite--he was attractive, strong, and from a good home with a good family name. Yet somehow, maybe because of all the things he had, Taki became the number one target for abuse.

Once the violence started, it grew quickly out of control like a raging fire. Most of his former friends and classmates were afraid to hang out near him as if they would be contaminated by proximity. Many kids he used to be friends with joined in, verbally attacking him or worse--just to be popular with the bullies. Taki's teachers turned at best a blind eye because they were afraid of being put in the middle of wealthy kids squabbling, or maybe they just didn't care. Some teachers who did nothing after the violence really took off, Taki guessed by how they acted towards him even resented that he was from a wealthy family. He suspected some of the worst teachers probably enjoyed seeing a spoiled little brat bloodied and crying.

Getting a teacher involved seemed to make it worse, so Taki stopped trying to get them to help. Soon enough though, the day came when Taki was beaten badly. He was 'found' by a teacher unconscious and bleeding on the floor of a bathroom stall. When the nurse couldn't rouse him, he was rushed to a nearby hospital. He was told he was lucky. Nothing was broken but the wrist of his non-dominant hand and he had a concussion. He had to stay overnight in the hospital, which meant his parents were finally notified about "the situation"--which was what the adults were all calling it.

His parents being dragged into "the situation" turned out to be little help. Taki's parents seemed to think the incidents at school all were something that would go away on their own. It was just boys being boys and kids being kids--nothing to worry about.

Yet in private, his parents kept asking Taki what he did to cause this. They were quite angry when Taki insisted he did nothing wrong. Suddenly just about everyone seemed to hate his very existence and he had no idea why. The school offered to assist Taki in being relocated temporarily to another one of their campuses in another country. The administrators at Hyoutei explained to Taki and his parents this is what they usually did when other "situations" like this happened. The school told his parents that usually relocation for a year or so remedied the problem as the bullies find another target to pick on. Taki didn't want to leave, but at that point he would have agreed because he was terrified to go back to school.

His parents would have no part of this. They insisted that Taki needed to deal with this himself to build his character. His father in particular was embarrassed and quietly told Taki to "man up" and respond with more violence. Taki's father said he simply needed to be stronger. If the other kids hurt him, then he should hurt them back worse because that would make the problem go away.

He was wrong.

Taki had no place to go and no one to turn to. Every day was a nightmare. Taki was so stressed out over going to school he gave himself an ulcer. Now on top of being picked on, beat up, and his fears, he spent most of his mornings violently throwing up blood. Still his parents forced him to go to school. They insisted he not show weakness and never break down in front of anyone or shame the family. It didn't matter that he was just a kid or that their suggestions to fight back, try harder to be everyone's friend, or not take these things personally were just not working.

He tried. You can't fight back against an angry mob who cheers louder the more you bleed. And no matter how Taki tried to get along with everyone else, it was not getting better. It was getting worse. Much worse, and there was no way to predict where or when the next attack would happen. Taki somehow became the punching bag for other students. He was spit on, laughed at, screamed at, shoved, and that was just what happened before they really beat him up. Any of his personal items, shoes, gym clothes, tennis rackets, desk, books--everything was fair game for whatever evil someone was able to think up to do with them.

With no options in sight, Taki decided to stop taking his ulcer meds because he figured even if he ended up back in the hospital or dead, it couldn't be worse than going to school. Not even the funny new kid, Gakuto was able to use his jokes anymore to turn the vicious mob into a laughing crowd. Taki's few remaining friends weren't able to stop the daily abuse. They couldn't be everywhere to protect him, and even they were starting to be beat up regularly. It seemed as if Taki was destined to remain everyone's whipping boy, and Taki wasn't sure he would survive through the end of the year. Every day the crowd that gathered to pick on Taki grew larger and more violent like a Shinkansen, one of the super fast bullet trains, racing out of control.

But then a series of amazing things happened right when it seemed everything was at its worst.

Taki discovered along with the rest of the world that his mom was not his mother.

Out of the blue, one of the days he was at his very lowest, a paparazzi reporter walked up to Taki. The man was excited and started snapping pictures of him while babbling about having found her son after searching so long.

There were a lot of famous students at Hyoutei, and a lot of sons and daughters of even more famous celebrities, politicians, athletes, and public figures. The children of aging pop idols and popular actors knew how to deal with the annoying paps always looking for a quick photo to turn an easy profit, but Taki never experienced this for himself.

In fact, when Taki was first approached, he was sure the paparazzi was some crazy guy or that he must have the wrong student. Taki was so busy trying to hide from the camera the mismatched clothes his few remaining friends had thrown together after he was beaten and left naked after gym class, that Taki didn't really hear what the man was saying the first time around. The only reason he was on the street was the school nurse sent him home early after treating his wounds so that he could have a new uniform, proper shoes, and supplies for school the next day.

When he finally understood what the guy was saying, Taki didn't believe him. Taki thought this reporter person was a fake and it was all just another trick or joke some bastard at school planned so they could all make more fun of him somehow.

But it turns out, the whole story was true.

Taki's real mother died shortly after giving birth to him, and she had been an actress. A very famous one. Made even more famous for the way she died so early and tragically. One of the movies she was in long before she even met Taki's father was now regarded as a classic piece of cinema. The critics and the public all said it was his mom's beauty and performance that made the film so outstanding and beloved. The movie was due to be re-released world-wide for it's anniversary. Since the bright and beautiful young starlet from the film was dead, this one paparazzi somehow found out about Taki being in Hyoutei and hunted him down.

The man kept a camera on Taki as he spoke. He said he wanted to capture Taki's reactions to her film being re-released. He said he wanted to "get" Taki's emotions on losing his mother so tragically in this horrible accident when Taki was just a newborn baby.

Apparently, Taki looked a lot like his real mom.

The pictures of him looking hurt, scared, upset, and confused as the paparazzi told him about his mom were broadcast over and over again. First, it made the city news, then the national headlines, and then it went global.

The whole world for a while went crazy.

Taki had no clue about any of this, and when he found out it was true, he was understandably angry. He felt cheated and betrayed by his parents--especially after they ordered him to "man up" when they never told him the truth.

It turns out his father married the woman Taki always thought of as his mom only nine weeks after meeting her. Seven weeks after his real mother died. Twelve weeks after Taki was born. His dad explained how when his first wife died suddenly in an accident leaving him with a newborn, he was devastated. His father said he couldn't get over the loss of his wife and it was made even worse because his father was the one who discovered his mother's body. His father said the woman Taki always thought of as his mother helped heal his father's wounds and cared for Taki as an infant.

Taki's parents said they always planned on telling him, but it never seemed to be the right time. His father told him that as time went on, the whole situation began to hurt and worry the woman Taki called mom. She explained she feared Taki would reject her. She found out shortly after marrying his father that she couldn't have children of her own, so Taki became even more special to her.

At first everything regarding his family seemed a muddled, confusing mess, but his parents ended up giving Taki tons of time and attention like they never had before. His mom in particular smothered him with affection and went out of her way to let Taki know she couldn't love him more if he was biologically hers. For the first time in his life, Taki had the ideal family he always dreamed of.

Even better was how his life at school changed. Almost overnight Taki went from being the lowest and most picked on to being the hottest kid to befriend. He became a celebrity. Paparazzi hung around the entrance of the school, all hungry for a shot of him or better yet, a comment. His photo was everywhere. Everyone wanted to be close to him, to know him, to be seen with him, and to be a part of his story.

For Taki, it was the best thing that ever happened to him. He went from being a loser to being the hot guy at school. Suddenly he had tons of friends, girls confessed to him, reporters followed him around, and he even was offered a career should he ever decide to act or model.

People who used to pick on him now told reporters and anyone who would listen how they were his best friends. Teachers that used to pay no attention to Taki being bullied, now made sure to spend extra time with him. Everyone wanted to say Taki was their friend, or he was their student, or he was close to them. Everyone wanted a personal angle and a piece of him.

While he basked in the attention, many of the other kid's parents were outraged. Many complained how Hyoutei was supposed to be a "safe" place for the children of the elite and famous to go to school, yet somehow one lone paparazzi was able to approach a grade school student for a story. Others worried not only over the safety issues, but they were concerned how the intense media presence might disturb the classes and students.

It set off storm after storm of controversy. Some parents accused other parents that they were even jealous of Taki's newfound fame because their children weren't more famous or more important. Then when that story died down, the media went after their own. They attacked the "bad" paparazzi who hunted down a young boy and dumped out this information to film the child's reaction.

All the issues and controversies plus the big movie re-release kept Taki in the news long after his fifteen minutes of fame should have been over.

Taki's wealth and good looks went so well with his story of the poor child not knowing about his beautiful mother's tragic death, that even when the story stopped making headlines, Taki continued to ride a wave of popularity. For a kid who grew up feeling starved for attention and affection even before being bullied, all of this was actually pretty cool. Taki soaked up as much as he could and decided to ride this miracle for as long as possible.

He realized quickly, knowing how things were at Hyoutei, and because he'd seen things like this happen to other kids before, he was going to have to be smart about his fame.

Taki accepted all the attention graciously. He forgave the bullies who now wanted to be his friends as if it never bothered him. He never said a word against his bad "friends" who never stood by him or the ones who turned on him. He never let on that he was well aware of the duplicity of many of the people who now tried to befriend him. He'd learned with his house servants and teachers that people weren't as welcoming or warm as they might seem--and everyone was usually working their own angle.

Instead of getting fooled, Taki surrounded himself with his entourage of friends who always did support him. The few who were true happened to be the guys who'd always defended him and never turned away or against him. Gakuto, Atobe, Jiroh, Shishido, Kashiwa, Chikabayashi, and Kaida had always been there for him. They weren't always the closest people to him, but they were the people Taki knew he could really rely on and trust.

Well, to a certain extent. This was Hyoutei after all and you never knew when someone might make their move. Atobe most of all taught Taki that.

Back even before Taki was bullied, Atobe was easily forgotten. Atobe Keigo was the pudgy, gawky kid you struggled to remember the name of when you saw him in a group photograph. He was always lost in the crowd. He was the guy you felt sorry for--right after you remembered you sort of forgot to invite him to your birthday party. He was the quietest of Taki's friends up until their last year in grade school when Atobe made his move--and basically stole everything from Taki.

Taki helped Atobe in so many ways. Before Taki was bullied, he made sure that Atobe was always invited to everyone's birthday parties--and not just because Atobe always gave such huge, extravagant gifts. Atobe always was a loyal friend. Even when Taki was bullied, Atobe was one of the few who courageously stood by his side every time. It couldn't have been easy for Atobe either. Besides the violence, the taunts were just plain cruel. Whenever Atobe stood by Taki, it was normal for Atobe to be called, at best, ugly. Considering aho in Japanese means stupid, it was easy to morph his family name into Ahobe. Or often they would combine aho with busu which in slang means very ugly. The names and descriptions of Atobe's looks and personality generally went downhill from there.

Atobe to his credit, bore the abuse gracefully. He never showed signs of it bothering him and unattractive or not, to Taki and their friends, it didn't matter. At Hyoutei loyalty and courage were rare things, and you could always be yourself around Atobe. Who was he going to tell if you weren't perfect?

After Taki became famous, he kept Atobe around and made sure he was included when everyone got together. Taki protected Atobe as much as he could. He let it be known that anyone making fun of Atobe when Taki was around was not allowed. He brought Atobe to the right parties, made certain he shopped at the right stores, knew all the right people, and since he couldn't protect Atobe 24 hours a day, he even talked Atobe into getting a total makeover.

Surgery or some sort of work had been suggested before. Some people were more blunt about it than others, but it had been mentioned. Taki's popularity at school couldn't shield Atobe from the rest of the world commenting. The students might not say it to Atobe's face or around Taki, but they still talked about it. Even teachers and parents would sometimes suck their teeth and mutter softly how unfortunate that such beautiful parents as the Atobes were have such an unattractive child as Keigo-kun.

Of course, being Hyoutei, no one ever spoke quietly enough that everyone--including Atobe, didn't hear.

Taki always told Atobe to not worry about it. He tried to reassure Atobe that he would grow into his looks. Sometimes Atobe would joke with a shrug about how he was gifted with all his parents faults and none of their features, but the jokes soon dried up. As they got older, it was clear Atobe wasn't getting any more attractive, just larger.

Meanwhile many of their classmates, in an effort to be fashionable, pretty, and popular were working on themselves--or having work done. It was not just the girls either. Since grade school many students were using plastic braces on their teeth, getting facials, hair extensions, unsightly hair lasered off, and more and more, quite a few were quietly slipping away every school break for surgery.

They were young, so the work being done was small. A deviated septum was repaired in some students supposedly to improve breathing. Others added a small chin or cheek implant to better the shape of their face or the look of their eyes. Even severe acne treatments like skin resurfacing were done so routinely that having something done seemed to become a right of passage. No one wore glasses--everyone had their eyes lasered to perfect vision, and even with perfect sight, colored contacts were so common they could almost be considered part of the Hyoutei school uniform.

Taki was the one to persuade Atobe into actually doing it. Taki literally talked Atobe into taking advantage of one of the finest medical-spas in the world by telling Atobe no matter what happened, even a small improvement would mean Atobe's life would change. Taki swore he would always stand by Atobe no matter what he decided, but he wore Atobe down by having him just imagine the possibility of being attractive.

After weeks of talks, a tearful Atobe said he was moved by how much Taki believed in him. Atobe decided he would do it if Taki would go with him to talk to his father. It was one of the few times Taki ever saw Atobe cry.

Atobe's dad wanted his son to wait until he was older. He almost insisted until Atobe broke down and bowing low, he begged through barely held in tears, "Please, you don't know what it's like to look like this. Every day I look like this and the person I like, the beautiful person I love so much will barely even talk to me, and they won't....they won't even look at me! You've always been beautiful father, so you don't know...everyone...everyone but Taki calls me ugly!"

Taki's heart twisted to see his friend in such pain, but before he could support his friend by saying anything, Atobe's father moved to throw his arms around his sobbing son. Atobe's dad held his son on the floor and started openly crying. He told Atobe how much he loved him. How to him, Atobe could never be anything less than beautiful and perfect. How he would do anything for him. How he would stand by him and help him if this was what Atobe really wanted.

As Atobe's father cradled his sobbing son in his arms, he kissed Atobe's face over and over. Atobe's father continued to cry loudly, and Taki stood there for a moment in shock. He'd never seen parents act this way with their children and he felt embarrassed. He had a feeling he was witnessing something private he should not see. Taki decided he should murmur an excuse and back out of the room. Before he could though, Atobe's father, apparently unashamed about crying or showing such affection, thanked Taki for always being a good friend to his son.

"He's..." Taki's throat felt tight with unshed tears. He felt sorry for Atobe, but at the same time he couldn't help but wonder what it felt like for a parent to love you that much. Sure, Taki's parents loved him and cared for him, but it was nothing like this. Clearing his throat, Taki tried again, "He's always been a good friend to me. Always."

"Should my son have this surgery?" Atobe's father looked at Taki seriously. Respectfully, as if Taki was an adult and his opinion mattered. From the safety of his father's arms, Atobe stared at Taki as if silently pleading for him to answer this the right way. All Taki could see of Atobe wrapped in his massive father's arms was his fuzzy hair, his sprawled chubby legs, a hand clutching his father's robes, and his tearful eyes peering out--practically burning with feverish begging.

Taki's heart was moved, but before he could really consider, his answer whispered out just before a few of his own tears fell, "Yes...."

Atobe cried a little more loudly, right along with his father. All the while, his father kissed his forehead, stroked his face as if it was beautiful, and told him again and again how much he loved him. His father reassured him that everything possible would be done. As almost an afterthought, Atobe's father thanked Taki in a sincere way, but it was a dismissal.

Taki excused himself, but walked away in awe of what he saw. He would later wonder if he would give the same answer if he knew all Atobe would do. Atobe really always took things too far, but it was years before Taki truly realized this was as much a personality trait of Atobe Keigo as was his generosity and loyalty.

The big transformation took place just before the birthday party Taki offered to throw for Atobe that year. Officially, Taki, Atobe, and Atobe's father went on a pre-birthday Hawaiian vacation, but really they went straight to the best medspa in the USA. All told it took about thirty hours of surgery, ten experts, the latest technological advances, tons of money, and a week or so recovery after multiple surgeries to transform the unnoticed geek to perfection chic.

Atobe's nose and chin were "redone" in a stronger, noble style more like his handsome father. It was the latest secret Hollywood trend, especially done on the elite's not-so-perfect children. Borrowing a page out of facial reconstruction after horrific accidents, the surgeons would file bones down or use bone from other areas, in this case a piece of one of Atobe's own ribs to enhance bone growth in other areas. Wires were used in some areas, and graphs in others to hold it together until it was permanent. His cheekbones were accentuated, and his brow line improved more like his beautiful mother. Atobe's acne-prone skin from head to toe was lasered clean, flawless, and resurfaced before later being sprayed the silkiest tan to accentuate his newly-defined, liposuction perfected musculature. And that was just the surgical changes.

While recovering from surgery his eyesight was corrected and the hottest new contacts added to give his eyes that flash of sparkle. His hair was retextured, clipped, colored, and refined. Atobe's once slightly crooked teeth were all filed down to nubs and veneered to dazzling, snowy symmetry. There was not a millimeter of Atobe's body that was not in some way planned, polished, accentuated, refinished, or refined--save one. At Taki's almost insistence, Atobe decided to keep the small mole, the one Atobe's father always called his beauty mark, under his right eye. Taki joked with a smile that if he didn't, Taki might not recognize Atobe otherwise.

It wasn't such a joke. Taki was stunned when he saw all Atobe planned to do. Without a single hesitation, even when his father tried to talk Atobe into doing things slowly, Atobe quietly insisted on doing everything his way and everything at once. After a short time of what was horrific, horrible, painful recovery, Atobe's total transformation turned out to be a stunning success.

And one thing Atobe would deny ever happened for the rest of his life.

Taki helped Atobe through all that and shortly later, Atobe basically helped himself to Taki's life. Interestingly enough, if anyone remembered their grade school days, all but one of the people closest to Taki back then ended up being a sub-regular in Atobe's little pack. The people now called Atobe's friends used to be called Taki's. Taki now knew during all those years Atobe must have watched closely. He learned how to be popular and successful from witnessing Taki do it first.

As Taki and his friends moved from grade school to junior high, Atobe plotted and made his careful moves. Atobe was decent about it, because he went to Taki directly and confessed his plans. After being initially shocked and upset, Taki realized he was going to have to succumb to Atobe's will if he wanted to hang on to anything. In the end, Atobe outplayed and dominated Taki when Taki and everyone else really wasn't looking.

After being furious at first, Taki came to realize he was happy to let Atobe take over. Being the most popular guy in a school like Hyoutei was occasionally fun, but most of the time it was an exhausting and thankless job. The joke at Hyoutei was you can have a life or a social life--but not both. It was very true.

Atobe went from being the guy you forgot was in the room to the most powerful guy around, but what few understood was Atobe maintained his power by carefully considering the opinions and ideas of everyone he surrounded himself with. Taki and Atobe often talked over things. What few people not a member of Atobe's friends ever realized was how often Atobe would ask Taki's advice. Taki and his opinions were important to Atobe because being popular was important to Atobe.

Being popular was important to everyone at Hyoutei. Well, almost everyone.

Ogawa was always the exception.

Ogawa arrived new to Hyoutei a year after Taki's media frenzy. His father was a popular news anchor and his mother had been a beloved drama actress in several very popular television serials before retiring when she married his father. Several years passed and Ogawa's parents divorced in a very messy, public way the media ate up because both his parents were rumored to be having affairs.

Ogawa's father was supposedly having an affair with a much younger woman married to a wealthy television executive. Meanwhile, his mother started living with a former teenage pop superstar who was now working as a popular seiyuu, or voice actress. A woman. And reportedly, the two beautiful women were dating each other. The press went insane. The public couldn't get enough. Though both women denied the wild rumors saying they were just friends, their agents were not stupid. Ogawa's mother started working as a seiyuu in many of the same animes and drama CDs as her supposed girlfriend.

During the years of this real-life drama, Ogawa, his older brother, and his younger sister lived with their maternal grandparents in Hawaii. They attended school there and were just average, everyday kids. At least they were until the divorce was finalized and Ogawa's father demanded that his children return to Japan to live with him. It became a custody case that dragged on for the better part of a year until somehow their parents worked out the details.

What no one took into account is how the years in the US affected the three siblings. None of them spoke very much Japanese. Ogawa knew a small amount from his martial arts classes, but his siblings were lost. The language and culture was overwhelming to them. Tokyo was a loud, confusing maze. In their new school, they were hopelessly behind their peers in many subjects. In Japanese language, calligraphy, Japanese history, and other areas of their education they had no knowledge at all.

Ogawa's brother went to Hyoutei for two weeks and it was decided best if he returned to Hawaii. His sister lasted a month. Only Ogawa stayed.

He chose to stay not because he wanted to be close to either of his estranged parents, but because of martial arts. Ogawa had always been fascinated with Japanese culture. He wanted to stay to train and learn as much as he could. Hyoutei was the perfect place not just because of their strong martial arts clubs and instructors, but also their school was unique because it was used to handling a variety of students from a variety of other countries. No where else could Ogawa get caught up in all the areas he was lacking while still progressing ahead with other students his age. Ogawa always had strong math and science skills so even though he was just a few months older than Taki, Ogawa tested high enough to be placed in the next grade up.

Basically, if he hadn't been so popular, Taki might have never met Ogawa. The older boy was the tall, silent type who when he wasn't studying, was most likely to be off training. Despite the scandals of his parents, Ogawa's serious nature and crowd avoidance meant he was not popular. He quickly slipped into obscurity as just another student. It wasn't likely that Taki and Ogawa from different classes, different grades, and in different clubs were going to run into each other, but somehow fate conspired for them to meet.

Fate came in the form of Hyoutei. Hyoutei often assigned "exemplary" students to assist new students coming in from foreign countries. The more famous or elite the new student (or that student's parents), the higher up the student assigned to help during their "transition to the Hyoutei lifestyle."

Taki was his grade school student council President. Normally, new foreign students were assigned to the Vice-President--who happened to be Atobe. The Vice-President was picked by the President after an election. Atobe ran for President in the regular election as Taki's only competition, but Taki won in a landslide. Ironically, Taki didn't even want to run, but his peers and friends sort of insisted--much to Atobe's dismay. Atobe was not only Taki's only competition in running, but Atobe was the only person who ever nominated themselves to run. Even more ironic, after the election Atobe ended up doing most of the actual work because the President in grade school was largely a figure-head who posed for pictures and presided over meetings. Atobe never seemed to mind though. He was always eager to help and seemed thrilled when Taki asked him if he wanted to be Vice-President. Taki only did because Atobe seemed so down about losing the election. Later on Taki would count his blessings that he was always good to Atobe, but at the time, he just thought his quiet friend had nothing better to do.

It was rare that Taki would be asked to do anything more than be photographed with the new students, but Ogawa's father was an alumni and still a news anchor (although now for a local television station). Ogawa's mother was a seiyuu and the school seemed to think Ogawa needed to also learn how to possibly handle ignoring the press as Taki knew how to do. Taki was to help Ogawa in any subjects he was weak in, introduce him to friends, and show the new kid Hyoutei.

It was an annoyance that might have not ended up in a friendship, except the school assigned a new interpreter to Ogawa. The interpreter was a young American woman recently married to a Hyoutei alum. Although she have been able to get by in Japanese and now lived in Japan, she needed more lessons than Ogawa did. She was textbook fluent in Japanese, but she not only was not conversationally fluent, but she had zero knowledge of common, everyday slang. This often caused major problems and confusion.

Taki would explain something or ask Ogawa a question and wait for her to interpret it, but her eyes would grow huge and she would blush. Stammering, she would translate something, but apparently completely wrong, to Ogawa. Then she would listen to Ogawa's answers and even with his limited school taught knowledge of English, Taki knew she was answering completely different things than Ogawa was saying. It was frustrating. Ogawa was also growing annoyed. At one point Taki asked Ogawa how many siblings he had and she answered, "Three years."

This went on for the better part of the first week until she went to the headmaster of the school thoroughly annoyed and complaining about how dirty-minded Taki was. She was fired when they realized what she thought was Taki being perverted was simple questions and normal conversation.

The school scrambled to find another permanent translator able to bridge the gap between the boys in both languages. They tried to keep someone around to assist Ogawa whenever possible, and in the meantime Taki continued to meet up with Ogawa. He and Ogawa hung out after school and even though no translator around to help out was sometimes a problem, the two boys began to find ways to communicate. They soon discovered when there was no adult watching over them, they had a much better time together.

Ogawa was so different from Taki's other friends. He didn't care for popularity or social status. He was very American in his casual attitude and lack of embarrassment when he made any mistakes, but at the same time he was very eager to learn proper Japanese customs and traditions. Taki taught him how to play tennis and order in a restaurant and he taught Taki how to surf. As Ogawa's Japanese improved (and Taki's English from hanging around with him), they started to talk more and more. Ogawa was easy to be with and he was one of the few people Taki felt he could really be himself around.

As a joke, Ogawa had a nickname for Taki based on one of the bad translations their first interpreter made. The first afternoon they met Taki said he had to go home and get some sleep because he had a quiz the next day. The interpreter told Ogawa something along the lines of Taki had to take a test in order to be a fox. It thoroughly confused Ogawa back then and they laughed about it all the time. It still made Taki smile remembering Ogawa calling him Foxy.

They were close friends for a long time even though people probably thought they were only acquaintances. Ogawa never became popular at school, but he did well. He excelled from his huge size and fast reflexes in their school's kendo club, and although he was busy, Ogawa always made time for Taki. Especially when he moved into the dorms his freshman year, a year before Taki.

Ogawa is the one who calmed Taki down after Atobe confessed his master plans to take over. He not only calmed Taki down, but he pointed out how Taki would be in a better place of higher status without having to sacrifice any more time and effort than it took him to play tennis--something Taki dearly loved.

Gakuto might have thought that his friendship and thwarted romance with Azukizawa Daishi was the reason he and Taki were safe, but Gakuto and many others never realized how Ogawa always had Taki's back. Ogawa made sure someone from the kendo team always had an eye out for Taki. And Taki looked out for Ogawa back. Taki insisted that he and Ogawa keep their friendship sort of secret simply because Taki didn't want to make trouble for Ogawa should anything happen.

But something did happen.

Taki still isn't sure when it happened, because everything when he began junior high was such a rushing jumble. In the bootcamp Atobe ran, Taki, his closest friends, and many others tried out and trained the hardest they ever worked for anything. Then they were moving into the dorms together and training more before school even started. Then they were being picked on between training and the beginning of the year parties. And on the same day, Gakuto was crying to Taki about his broken heart, some kid died, and Taki's off and on girlfriend for the last several years wanted to break up. Everything was a mess.

When Taki went over to Ogawa's to try to talk all this over, Ogawa laid even more at Taki's feet. Ogawa informed Taki he quit the kendo club but wouldn't say why. When Taki tried to ask, Ogawa said they shouldn't be friends anymore.

Confused and furious, Taki suddenly found himself pushed outside Ogawa's door. He pounded on the door until Ogawa finally opened it and pulled him back inside. Suddenly Ogawa held him up against the door and Taki wasn't sure if Ogawa was going to hit him or hug him. It was that weird the way Ogawa was looking at him.

"Why? Why can't we be friends anymore? Tell me right now!" Taki demanded. He was too angry and upset to feel any fear and this was his friend, his very best friend truth be told, even if only he and Ogawa knew that.

Ogawa's face twisted in anger, "What do you even care? You don't even want anyone to know we're friends!"

Days of battling player after player on the tennis courts and all the strangeness was getting to Taki. He normally seemed pretty cool and collected, but this was Ogawa after all. Ogawa had seen him at his best and his worst. Taki lost his temper completely and spat back, "Because I'm a loser freshman and I don't want you to get hurt or lose any status because you're friends with me! I'm trying to protect you, stupid!"

Ogawa shot back just as heated, "I don't need you to protect me! I'm not even in a club anymore so there's nothing for you to worry about. I don't care what people think!"

"Fine." Taki glared at him, "Then we don't have to worry if people know we're friends."

"I told you," Ogawa practically growled, "I'm not your friend. I can't be your friend anymore."

"Why the hell not?" Taki felt hurt. Completely hurt like he hadn't in a long time. Not even when Atobe betrayed him and stole everything away did Taki feel this hurt. Ogawa was serious. Taki stared at him in disbelief. He heard his voice falter on the word that came out, sounding much softer than he meant it to, "Why?"

"Because..." Ogawa looked down and his grip on Taki's t-shirt loosened. Then he looked up again and met Taki's eyes, "Because I'm in love with you. I can't be your friend because I love you and I can't...." Ogawa looked away again and then back as if deciding the hell with it, he would just get it all out, "I love you and I...can't not be with you anymore. That's why."

"Wha...what...?" Taki's mouth was suddenly dry. He wondered if Ogawa wasn't teasing him like the kids used to when he was picked on. Someone would pretend to be his friend and ask him to play but when Taki said yes, they would laugh at him. "You...you don't mean that. You...you can't."

Ogawa kissed Taki's cheek so gently it felt like a brush of Taki's own hair whispering in the wind. He said softly in English, "Goodbye, Haginosuke."

Releasing Taki's shirt, Ogawa went to pull away but Taki grabbed his hands. "Don't do this, please?" Taki's voice sounded as strained as he felt, "Please...?"

Sounding tired, Ogawa said, "I ruined everything, I know. I'm sorry. I'm really, truly sorry, so....let me go. Just let me go."

"I can't...." Taki whispered and felt tears stinging his eyes. It occurred to him how he was sort of aware of Ogawa's feelings for a while, but he kept pushing it away with everything else going on. Ogawa was always there for him. He was always there whenever Taki needed him. He always answered the phone when Taki called. Every night after the intense training sessions at Atobe's, Taki called Ogawa and they talked until one or both of them fell asleep while still talking. Nightly Taki called Ogawa and vented as he had for so long it was more than a habit or a routine for both of them. Every morning, Ogawa was the first person he spoke to and every night Ogawa was the last person Taki talked to before going to sleep. Calling Ogawa every night started way back when he was there for Atobe's surgery, but even before that, they talked all the time.

Taki was also dimly aware his girlfriend said something about wanting to break up with him because she thought Taki was cheating on her anyway. She accused him of spending all his time with someone else. She was nearly right. She just got the part where it was another girl wrong. Taki realized he spent every spare minute he had with or talking to Ogawa. And while he and Ogawa talked every day pretty much since they first met, how much time they spent together over the last few months on top of talking, texting, and emailing constantly, that had been going on for a while. Taki just wasn't sure what it meant.

He wasn't sure what any of it meant, but he knew the answer, whatever it was, didn't mean spending less time with Ogawa or talking to him less. If anything, he wanted more. And that had to mean something, right? Taki wet his dry lips with a quick lick of his tongue and was surprised to see Ogawa respond and react to that little, innocent movement as if it meant something. No one had ever responded to Taki like that and it was a little bit of a thrill.

"Look," Taki said feeling desperate and yet, there was this small burning feeling in his belly. Almost like he was turned on.

Ogawa glanced up at his eyes and looked...unlike Taki'd ever seen him. Ogawa's breathing was a little heavier than it had been. Just slightly as if he'd been walking fast.

Taki continued, "You can't just...." He thought about how to phrase it and without meaning to licked his lips again. Ogawa glanced down at his mouth and then back to his eyes. Taki felt that tingling feeling between his legs start up. Losing Ogawa was out of the question though and he had to make this count, "You can't just tell me how you feel and then shove me out the door forever. At least let me think about it."

Ogawa's face closed in that stern, done-with-you way, "There's nothing to think about. You either love someone, or you don't. And you don't. Love me, that is. You only see me as a friend."

But Ogawa didn't pull away, and that was the important thing. His eyes were still fixated on Taki's face. "Yeah but," Taki felt one side of his mouth quirk up into a bit of a smile. He knew Ogawa so well. Ogawa knew him so well. So well and yet, not enough. It was like finding a secret compartment in your favorite toy that you loved for years but never knew this aspect of it even existed. It was dangerous and exciting and Taki felt like he was winning something huge, bigger than nationals. It was just a few serves away with the ball in his court. "You've had weeks....?"

Ogawa didn't falter. That meant longer.

"Months...?" Oh gods, now Taki was intrigued, "Years?"

Ogawa looked away and looked back, slightly blushing now.

Taki said, "You've had years to think of how you felt about me without telling me. I've only had a couple of minutes here."

"You don't love me." Ogawa looked less closed, but he was so sure of that. Taki wasn't quite so certain, but before he could say anything Ogawa said, "And I wanted to tell you. A thousand times I've tried. I even said it when I heard you fall asleep at night on the phone, but I always made sure you were asleep first."

Now the slight blush Ogawa had grew to almost the color of Gakuto's hair. Taki thought he'd never seen anything quite as cute as his best friend looking this mortified. And he'd never heard anything as adorable as, "You said you loved me after I fell asleep?"

Ogawa hid his face by slipping out of Taki's grip and reaching around to hug Taki gently to him. As if looking at Taki was too much. He was much taller than Taki so he was sort of slumped over with his chin resting against Taki's temple. Taki could feel how fast Ogawa's heart was beating and then he felt something else. Ogawa was trembling. The national kendo champion was trembling because he was holding Taki close, "Yeah. I couldn't tell you because it would ruin everything. Our friendship. Everything. You'd hate me. You wouldn't want to be around someone like...someone like me. You wouldn't want to talk to me. I wouldn't get to see you anymore, but you're dating someone. You're sleeping with her. You don't love me."

"Ogawa? Do you see me pushing you away? Or upset? Or turned off?" Taki's experience with guys was pretty limited, but he wasn't opposed to the idea of fooling around with a guy. His only experiences so far was a few shared kisses, a little bit of petting, and a few guys gave him oral. It was something everyone did at parties and while Taki had never done it to any guys, he'd had it done to him a few times because he was popular. He and Ogawa talked about sex sometimes. Well they talked about Taki's sex life because Ogawa had no experience. A few times girls confessed to Ogawa, but Ogawa always turned them down. He always said he was waiting for the right person and until then he would wait. Ogawa said he wouldn't even kiss someone, even though it was just a kiss! No matter how many times Taki explained that kissing was fun, Ogawa said he would wait until it was right. "You said it, and I don't hate you. And do you think I'm like this with anyone else but you? You're the one I've been sleeping with all this time." Taki meant it as a joke, but it was true. He only realized what it meant as he said the words.

"You don't love me...." Ogawa whispered it into Taki's hair and Taki felt him take a shuddering breath in. As if he was turned on and intensely feeling emotions and trying to smell Taki's hair all at the same time.

Despite how serious Ogawa was being, it was all rather...wonderful. Taki smiled. He found putting his hands up around Ogawa's back felt like the most natural thing in the world even though that was strange since Taki'd never dated or usually kissed anyone taller than him. Or bigger than him. Taki was hard. That was strange since Taki'd never gotten completely hard from just a hug. From a friend. Especially a friend he'd never looked twice at or considered before.

He wondered if Ogawa was hard. He wondered if Ogawa would kiss him. He wondered if Ogawa wanted to. He wondered if he wanted to kiss Ogawa and found it was more than fine with him. He wondered if he would be mad if Ogawa had a girlfriend or went out on a date, and found that almost unthinkable. Ogawa was his. He was always there for Taki and if one day he wasn't, then yeah, Taki would be upset. He wondered if he was the one Ogawa was thinking of all those times Taki said kissing was fun if Ogawa wanted to. With him.

Ogawa hadn't moved so Taki asked, "Naoyuki? Hello, are you there?" They said that when one of them fell asleep at night on the phone. Sometimes Ogawa would wake up and they would talk longer. Other times, Taki would drift asleep with the phone pressed up against his ear, just listening to Ogawa breathe.

"Hi. I'm awake." Ogawa pulled back to meet his eyes. He said it in English just like he did sometimes when he was tired and forgot.

"Hi. Me too." Taki said back mirroring Ogawa's smile. Ogawa's eyes had flecks of green and gold in them. Taki'd never noticed that before, but then again, it was looking like there were a lot of things about Ogawa he'd somehow missed noticing. "You said it, and the world didn't end. You said it and I'm still right here. You said it and I'm awake and I don't hate you. So now what?"

Ogawa smiled back slightly and his hands were trembling as they softly touched Taki's face. His fingertips touched Taki's skin as if he were a blind man trying to memorize the way it felt. He looked at Taki as if he was something precious and rare. Sounding amazed Ogawa said quietly, "Now we....Now I....I've waited so....I've wanted to...Do you want to....?" He met Taki's eyes, and asked in English, "Can I kiss you?"

"Yeah..." Taki answered quickly licking his lips again because suddenly they were so very dry. Neither one of them was smiling anymore. His heart was pounding and Ogawa moved closer. "Yeah, I want you to."

Then in Japanese, Ogawa formally asked, "Taki Haginosuke, I love you with all of my heart and all of my soul. May I kiss you, please?"

Sorry, been really sick (and sick of being sick!). I'm not on hiatus or anything and will post more ASAP.

<3 to all for reading & reviewing!
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Learning to Play by Suteishichic. Chapter Four ~ Mukahi

2008-07-19T05:42:22Z

Learning to Play by Suteishichic. Chapter Four ~ Mukahi

Warnings: Yaoi, Love, Angst, Fluff, and Lots of Sex. Some kink. You've been warned ;)

Disclaimer: Nope not mine. Still in my dreams. ;)

"Yeah?" Pulling back, Gakuto gave Yuushi a long look that ended with his sexiest smile. He heard his voice sound kinda husky with lust and emotions, but he shrugged and tried to act cool, "I just...I want you, Yuushi. I don't care what parts you use or don't use. Make us feel good, okay?"

Enough was enough. On with the good stuff, "Yuushi? I really wanna. Show me, okay?"

Looking suddenly boyishly cute, Yuushi smiled all lovey back at Gakuto. "Okay. Now remember, if you...if you want to stop or if there is something you don't enjoy..."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll tell you. Let's do this. Now how do you want me?" Gakuto asked and then wiggled around a little under Yuushi's weight. When they were kissing his legs kinda wrapped on their own around the tensai's naked torso with his ankles locked together behind Yuushi's lower back. It was kinda sexy, and didn't leave much to the imagination, but it wasn't gonna be easy to hold this pose forever. Yuushi was hard and his erection was in what Gakuto thought of as the hotdog position. Hot and hard and pressed right between Gakuto's buns.

Gakuto smiled at the thought and wondered when they were done if he should tell Yuushi the joke. It was kinda funny but only Yuushi liked dumb jokes and stuff like that.

But not now. No more distractions, because right now felt hot and hard and tempting maybe to even really let go and go all the way. Gakuto wondered how the hell the idiots Yuushi fooled around with thought the tensai was havin sex with them when he was only using his hands and stuff.

Gakuto thought of them being fooled when they were fooling around and decided to save that pun for Yuushi later too. He had to keep them on track so they could have some fun, "You want me on my belly again? Or like this?" To show the tensai an example and drawing it out so Yuushi would like it, Gakuto unhooked his ankles, and slid as much of his skin along the tensai's. Keeping the hotdog in place, he arched his back up like he woulda if Yuushi really was deep inside him.

The tensai made one of those approving humming sounds, and when Yuushi spoke with his accent it almost sounded like a purr, "Hmm...that is nice, but not...just yet..."

Yuushi lifted himself up on his arms and looked down. He focused his gaze directly at Gakuto's body and murmured something about Gakuto being a minx. Whatever that was. Sounded like something his Mom had a soft fur coat of. It sounded kinda sexy and not all lovey so Gakuto let it go insteada askin.

The tensai caressed his fingers up along Gakuto's ribcage. He looked all turned on and even hummed another moan. Gakuto wasn't sure why at first because clearly his cat-like arching move just wasn't doing as much as it shoulda for the tensai--but something was. Insteada focusing on the arch of Gakuto's spine, Yuushi was looking all fixated somewhere between Gakuto's chest and his stomach...and then he saw where Yuushi was looking at.

Oh.

There.

His nipples were hard probably from the kissing and because when Yuushi moved up offa him, their skin wasn't touching everywhere as much, so the temperature felt cooler.

Gakuto hated his nipples. No really, he did. He hated them. When his nips were hard they were kinda long and stuck out. Secretly, if there was some way to change a part of his body, before his height even Gakuto would change his nips. His sister took after their mom too in that area. One time when Gakuto was home he heard his mom and sister fighting. His sister was upset and she swore she was gonna get surgery when she was eighteen. She said she was sick of wearing bandaids under her bra to cover them all the time, but their mom said she would haveta wait until she was grown and on her own. His mom said they were perfect as they were and she didn't need surgery.

After he heard his mom and sister fighting, Gakuto thought about wearing bandaids. He seriously considered it, but with a locker room of guys to change in front of several times a day it was impossible. He would forever be made fun of if anyone caught him. Gakuto even once looked on the internet to see if he could cut his down or something. He found the prices for having his nipples fixed ridiculously high, so Gakuto gave it up. He couldn't take the time off of training so it just wasn't worth it. Especially when he read that he could have no feeling there. Lately with Yuushi, he really liked how they felt when someone sucked or licked on them, but he hated how they jutted out. And it wasn't just when he was turned on or because he got a chill, but the damn things got hard all the time. If he laughed hard, landed hard, yelled, hell, if he sneezed his nips popped up at attention. And they really stood out.

Atobe liked to point out whenever possible that Gakuto's nipples were not "normal" and he said they were especially not normal for a guy. He enjoyed making everyone look by stating Gakuto's nips, "... protruded in a most unseemly and obscene manner for any male of our species." The first time Atobe said it was the first time Gakuto ever dared to punch Atobe and even in the heat of his rage and embarrassment Gakuto didn't dare hit the bastard in the face. He ended up slamming his fist into Atobe's arm. Not the guy's tennis arm. Gakuto really wasn't stupid. Still, Assholebe would comment even knowing he might get punched again. Or worse. Everyone said Gakuto had a bite that might be worse than his bark--and that his bark was damn formidable.

Assholebe didn't seem to care. Even when Gakuto verbally attacked him, the idiot kept doing it. If anyone else called Atobe a homo or pervert they woulda probably been thrown off the sub-regs, but for some weird reason Atobe seemed to like how the nipple jokes made Gakuto furiously fight back. Almost like Atobe was showing everyone how brave he was. Like he had bigger balls for daring to do this or something.

It was so damn annoying, but it happened all the time. And Gakuto couldn't let his guard down. He had to get all riled up and fight back every time because if he didn't in front of the other guys, it woulda left him vulnerable. Gakuto knew the only reason everyone else didn't ride him about his nips or anything else was because they were afraid of what Gakuto would say and do to them if they dared to do any more than glance at his chest. But they glanced. All the time. Like they'd never seen a damn hard nipple before. Idiots.

The only one who never seemed to stare at his nipples, even when Atobe commented, was Yuushi.

But before Gakuto could react or call Yuushi a pervert for staring, the tensai practically pounced and began to cover his chest with kisses.

He kissed and licked and swirled his mouth and tongue over Gakuto's skin everywhere but his nipples like the tensai couldn't get enough of the rest of him. After several minutes of neglect, Gakuto found himself laying on his back practically writhing in pleasure on the bed trying to get Yuushi to lick him there.

Finally Yuushi ran the tip of his tongue softly over each one in turn. But it was light and soft. So light it was almost driving Gakuto crazy, but he waited to see what Yuushi would do next.

And he liked Yuushi like this even if he hated waiting. The tensai was clearly all turned on. Sexy. Having fun. In control. It was hot and it was fun. It was much better than how Yuushi was earlier.

After an eternity with the gentle licks, Yuushi tenderly sucked on his right nipple. Like it was a thing to be cherished instead of just a guy's nipple. The touch was so damn soft that Gakuto moaned wanting more and finally decided he was gonna have to take control. He moved his nipple up and between Yuushi's lips over and over again. Which not only felt good, but was kinda hot. It seemed to be what the tensai wanted him to do. It was like his hard little nip was fucking Yuushi's mouth. Gakuto moaned and smiled at doing this and thought only another guy would understand why this was so hot. For the first time ever, Gakuto wondered if he could orgasm just from this.

It almost seemed possible, but then just as he was thinkin he might be gettin close, the tensai stopped. Yuushi worked his mouth across and started doin the same to his other side. After he was done letting Gakuto's left nip do his mouth, the tensai helped Gakuto turn over onto his belly. Gakuto waited, very curious to see what was going to happen next. He wondered what he was going to feel. He wanted to see how all those idiots thought that other stuff Yuushi did to them felt like sex, but at first all Yuushi did was go back to massaging him. Yuushi rubbed the muscles of his neck, his back, and then his legs before concentrating on his butt muscles. Gakuto was already relaxed though. Relaxed and anxious to get to some more good stuff. His belly was flat on the bed and his hands were resting on each side. It was all he could do to keep from starting to shake his leg or rock his hips just to move.

An eternity later, Yuushi separated his cheeks and licked his entrance lightly. Soft. Like here too was a place to be savored and touched tenderly. And Yuushi hummed a moan. Gakuto could feel it as well as hear it while Yuushi was licking him. Gakuto's erection was between his legs and pointing down towards his feet. He wondered if it curved slightly even then just about the time Yuushi ran what felt like his own erection over Gakuto's tip.

Yuushi's hand moved under him and re-arranged Gakuto's testicles and hard length for more access before Yuushi stroked Gakuto's tip with what musta been his own again. Gakuto arched his hips slightly to give the tensai more room to work with and was rewarded with another stroke of the tensai's tip on his own. Gakuto even felt a drop of wetness from Yuushi's tip slide along his sensitive skin there.

While he was doing that, Yuushi kept running a fingertip around Gakuto's entrance. Massaging that hard area relaxed and making Gakuto want more than a fingertip caressing him outside.

Yuushi slid his hands around Gakuto's cheeks and skin more and Gakuto realized he had stiffened his muscles up. He wanted more. His erection twitched as Yuushi rubbed his hands near it, but not on it. Stroking his cheeks with long, sure caresses, Yuushi pulled them apart and his tongue licked up from Gakuto's testicles to that soft skin between. Yuushi went back to licking around Gakuto's entrance with these tongue flips and swirls that had Gakuto sighing in want.

Gakuto needed something to do. He tried to reach his hands around to touch Yuushi too while the tensai was doing all this, but he couldn't feel him. Yuushi sounded like he was smiling when he asked, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah..." Gakuto heard his voice was kinda short of breath. He was into what Yuushi was doing and wanted more. Needed more. "Wanna touch you too, Yuushi."

Dismissively the tensai said, "I'm fine, lover. Lift your hips up again so I can reach more of you, or just get on your knees."

More. Damn. That sounded good and now he could finally move. Gakuto did as he was asked by going on all fours. He arched his back to give the tensai full access.

Yuushi hummed a moan and said, "You're so beautiful, do you know that?"

Gakuto stifled a giggle. He knew he had a nice ass and that this was an area most people didn't like to show of themselves, but beautiful? Stupid tensai. The thing was, Yuushi sounded all turned on and like he meant it. Gakuto smiled more thinking about it. He was still thinking and smiling when Yuushi went from stroking with his hands to sucking on one of Gakuto's testicles. The tensai sucked it softly up into his warm, wet mouth and then licked wetly up to his entrance.

Gakuto whimpered as he felt Yuushi's hand close around his erection. The tensai's other hand must have been outside Gakuto's entrance. He felt something there. It had to be a finger, right? Yuushi said make love but he also said they weren't ready for sex. Gakuto felt something pressing into him, slowly sliding into him.

Where or when Yuushi got lube Gakuto didn't know but it felt wet and so damn good he mostly didn't care. He told himself to just shut up and enjoy it. It felt like there was more than one person touching him and pleasuring him. Multiple Yuushis. Giving multiple orgasms. The joke made him smile and Gakuto whimpered at the hot ideas as Yuushi's finger or fingers or whatever the hell it was moved inside him. Gently softening him up there and stretching him.

It must have been more than one finger because Yuushi was doing that so good tensai scissoring thing. Twisting, swirling and then Gakuto felt what had to be a tongue wet and hot on his entrance along with Yuushi's fingers still moving inside him. Gakuto moaned as the fingers and tongue moved in and out. He was up on his knees and bucking his hips in time with the rhythm.

Gakuto's forehead went down on a pillow to hold himself up so his hands were free. One of his hands moved to his erection and the other moved quickly to one of his hard nipples. He wasn't even aware that he had replaced Yuushi's hand on his erection with his own and was stroking himself fast.

He groaned in disappointment as the fingers or whatever it was inside him withdrew. Even Yuushi's mouth was gone and Gakuto could feel Yuushi moving on the bed behind him.

Gakuto drew in a sharp breath when he felt something else pressed up against his entrance. It was hard and hot and soft at the same time. It could only be one thing and suddenly he felt more wetness there. The cool kind. Like lube poured on him. Yuushi waited posed like that almost like he was hesitating or maybe the tensai was asking for permission.

He knew he would give permission to the tensai but all Gakuto felt besides really turned on was disappointment. It flooded through him and surprised him how much it hurt with an pang in the middle of his chest. He nodded into the pillow and felt bitter disappointment and an angry feeling of almost resentment wash through him. He was sickened at how much his body wanted this, seemed to almost crave the joining and the release, but his heart didn't want this. Not at all. It was too soon. It felt wrong. He wanted it to be different with Yuushi.

Okay, that was stupid. That was so stupid. He wasn't some damn girl losing his virginity here, but he wondered why the hell did it always have to be like this?

Gakuto fought back sudden hot, angry tears as he wondered why he could never get this right with anyone. He shut his eyes hard to fight against the tears that if his face wasn't shoved into a pillow woulda spilled out. He swallowed them down tasting salt and bitterness. Gakuto hoped this wasn't gonna hurt. He felt a fresh rush of fear that mixed in a dizzying way with his desire. He hated himself for being such a slut. If this was what Yuushi wanted and needed--if this is what the tensai thought should happen, well he wasn't gonna stop him. He did want Yuushi. At least his body did. He fought off his stupid, lovey, useless feelings and said just like he always had, "Yeah. Go ahead. Do it. Do me. Fuck me."

A tiny ray of hope pierced his heart. Gakuto actually felt the sting of it bloom in his chest and tug at him like a net cranked too tight. Maybe this wouldn't happen. Maybe because Gakuto couldn't see, maybe just like all the other idiots who thought Yuushi had sex with them, maybe he was wrong. Maybe he was wrong and it was okay. Maybe this just felt like the real thing but was really some kinda smart tensai trick.

Hope hurt and once it started, the want of this not being real wouldn't stop. Almost like the hopeful feelings were painfully lodged and stuck in the back of his throat like when you swallow something wrong. And even though Gakuto knew holding on to hope would probably only disappoint him, the feeling wouldn't go away. He considered what was pressed up against him and tried to shake off the hope, but at the same time in case this was real, he kinda felt like he had to find something else to hold on to.

Gakuto had a thought that maybe what he should do this time was to hold on to Yuushi. Maybe right now wasn't perfect timing for him, but he still could make it good for Yuushi. It was gonna be the tensai's first time after all. Wasn't it? That was what Yuushi said and the tensai wouldn't lie to him. Even though Yuushi kinda lied about this, but maybe after all this time of holding back, Yuushi just couldn't resist the temptation anymore.

He tried to quickly re-assess the situation like how their coach always told them. Don't let your emotions cloud your motions. He was spread eagle and buck naked like there was gonna be a Gakuto buffet tonight. They had been kissing and touching all night. Yuushi might be a genius, but he was still an idiot about things. It was very possible the tensai missed the signals Gakuto was throwing out there that he really did wanna wait. It wasn't like tennis where he was using clear signal play to tell the tensai exactly what he wanted.

Yuushi might not wanna disappoint him. The stupid tensai might be doing this outta love just to show Gakuto how okay Yuushi was willing to be. Gakuto realized that the problem with being a slut or at least someone who really loved sex was sometimes people thought if they didn't keep up, he would dump them. That was the problem with being a slut and with people thinkin you were a slut. People thought you wanted it all the time. Gettin into the moment made people think you wanted to go all the way all the time. It'd happened with girls before. They would wanna go to the sex right away. Kinda to claim him and kinda to keep him. Like his lab partner. She thought that if she could just make Gakuto sleep with her, she would be his.

He believed with all of his heart Yuushi wouldn't hurt him, well at least not physically. But he was sure, very sure Yuushi wouldn't mean to hurt him. Yuushi probably didn't have a clue that while all the foolin around was great, Gakuto really did wanna wait and that his feelings were kinda hurt.

And if Gakuto said it now, well it might be worse for Yuushi next time. Yuushi might think he was doin something wrong and that was why Gakuto wanted to stop.

Yuushi wouldn't do this if he knew it was hurting Gakuto. Even if it was hurting just his stupid feelings the tensai woulda stopped, and that had to count for something, right? Maybe Yuushi really did love him or at least had real feelings for him. And anyone who really knew Yuushi knew the tensai just sucked at reading people. Maybe their next time would be better. Maybe Yuushi would still want Gakuto to be his first as seme. Maybe everything would be okay. Gakuto relaxed and waited for the feeling of Yuushi entering him. He would have to relax a lot because Yuushi was probably the biggest he"d been with. Gakuto exhaled a breath he didn't know he was holding in and prayed he was ready so it didn't hurt too bad.

Once he relaxed, something did enter him, but it didn't feel at all like Yuushi's erection. Or any erection. It was soft and very wet and moved more like a tongue, but it didn't feel like that. It was too big to be a tongue. It wasn't bad, but it wasn't like anything he ever felt before. Gakuto wondered what the hell and wanted to look back to see what was going on. He didn't feel Yuushi move on the bed in any kind of a thrust and nothing was going on but that...whatever it was...kept moving inside him. Weird.

Gakuto tried to roll up more on the top of his head to look down between his legs but only saw a little corner of flickering firelight glowing off lots of skin. No specific details. The tongue thing didn't feel bad, just not what he expected, and then when he thought it couldn't get any weirder, he felt something he had never felt before. It was like a...suction kinda feeling. Not bad, just really strange. And then he felt pressure like something was entering him again, but whatever it was had no...shape. It was hot and wet but it was like a ghost was doing him. It was kinda good. Then that strange sucking feeling again soon followed by more pressure of whatever it was going back into him. Gakuto moaned but didn't know he did it until he heard himself.

At his moan, everything stopped for a few seconds as if Yuushi was pausing to make sure he was okay, and then it started up again. Vacuum suck out and then ghost push in with that formless, warm, wet...thing. He felt Yuushi's hands touching him again. On his hips like Yuushi was behind him, doing him, but Gakuto knew it wasn't real sex. But if Yuushi hadn't told him, he mighta not known. He wanted Yuushi to know he was liking it, kinda, so Gakuto moved one of Yuushi's hands off his hips and put it on his erection to show he was hard again. Yuushi's other hand moved to play with his testicles and the tensai rolled them and softly pulled down on them in a good way. Gakuto whimpered.

And Yuushi did that humming moan in response. It was only the vibration that let Gakuto finally know Yuushi was doing this, whatever the hell this was, with his mouth.

Okay, what the hell was Yuushi doin? Gakuto's mind raced to figure out what it was. The only thing he could come up with was how Yuushi let him do his mouth with his nipple. It was kinda the opposite of that. He musta been using his saliva in and out of Gakuto. Jealously, Gakuto wondered how many other people Yuushi had done something so intimate and strange with. Gakuto knew he was clean, hell they had just taken a bath, but Yuushi really did this to girls and other guys? It felt way too personal and private to share with lots of other people.

Okay, the thinking of Yuushi doing this with other people. That had to stop. That was giving him the opposite of a hard on. What the hell did you call that? A soft on?

Yuushi's hand on his waning erection stopped and he felt something solid and warm, maybe fingers, enter him too. Yuushi never stopped the sucking and pressure stuff, but his fingers now moved in exactly the opposite way. It kinda felt like Gakuto imagined two guys in him would feel. Each would have their own pace and rhythm. Their own speed and style of moving. Gakuto moaned as he realized what Yuushi was doing. Like really doing. Damn tensai. One was slow and the other very fast and each speed and rhythm were the exact ones Gakuto liked. Gakuto couldn't help it and moaned, "Ohhh...feels good, Yuushi. Want you...make it good...make it so good..."

But then it all stopped.

Before he could turn around to ask what the hell, he felt Yuushi move behind him again. Oh. Damn. Him and his big stupid mouth. This time though there was no doubt as the tensai's knees moved in an unmistakable push to spread Gakuto's legs further apart. Yuushi musta been lining himself up to enter him for sex. One hand was spreading Gakuto to hold him open. Fingers slid inside him as if to hold him as wide as possible for the first thrust inside and when he felt movement beside him on the bed and looked, the tensai's other hand was crawling around like a crab.

No. Like it was searching for something.

What the hell?

But if it was gonna be sex, it kinda made sense to Gakuto. Yuushi's other hand, the crab-like one still moving around the bed musta been searching for a condom.

But it was weird too. It was like Yuushi was not there. There were no condoms on the bed. Not unless Yuushi secretly brought one back with him with the strawberry stuff.

This didn't feel right. It felt more right and intimate before when Yuushi started doing that sucking whatever thing. And it didn't even feel like Yuushi was behind him. It felt like it could just be any guy. And like Gakuto was just a hole, insteada the person the tensai loved or had feelings for. Like the tensai was paying Gakuto or they'd hooked up at a party. It wasn't personal. There were no feelings behind doing this. Gakuto had no idea what the hell Yuushi was feeling or thinking because there was no passion in this. It was gonna be like gettin fucked by a robot instead of Yuushi and that was all wrong.

This wasn't about making Yuushi's first time good because it didn't feel like Yuushi was even there. It coulda been anyone behind Gakuto getting ready to fuck him. Hell, it coulda been Sato behind Gakuto and even that woulda felt more personal and had more feelings behind it. This felt like...nothing. It was cold. It was impersonal. It was wrong.

It was like Yuushi checked out mentally and was no longer in the room. Yakkity Yuushi had left the building or at least for once gone silent. Gakuto was worried about him. This wasn't normal. Not even for weird Yuushi.

Gakuto felt kinda afraid. He licked his lips which had suddenly gone dry, "Hey...?" His voice sounded small even to himself. Gakuto cleared his throat, "I...uh...hey...?"

He couldn't see the tensai to see what was going on. He couldn't smell Yuushi or taste him or touch him. He couldn't kiss him. That had to change. This wasn't right. The moving hand gave up it's search when he said hey the second time, and the moving hand grabbed him at the hip as if to line them up.

"Yu...Yuushi? No...wait...stop! STOP!"

Yuushi instantly froze, but he sounded all weird when he asked, "What's wrong?" The tensai's arm which had been clamped around Gakuto's hip holding him firmly for the first thrust now let go. "Oh. Oh, Gakuto...was I...was I hurting you? Gakuto...I...I'm sorry...I..."

He felt Yuushi move and something in the tensai's voice alarmed him even more, "I..."

Gakuto turned to look at him.

Yuushi's hands were covered his mouth as if in horror. His eyes met Gakuto's and it looked like Yuushi was going to cry or scream or something. His muffled voice sounded like he was the one shaking now, "Gakuto...I..."

Gakuto wasn't sure what to do but he did want to close the space between them. With one hand he grabbed both of Yuushi's and gently pulled them down to uncover his mouth. Gakuto didn't let go of the tensai's hands. "Yuushi...? Hey...uh..."

"I'm sorry," Yuushi sounded like he was going to shatter. His hands suddenly grasped onto Gakuto's, "Did I hurt you? Please, please my beloved, please tell me I didn't hurt you..."

"Yuushi, look at me." He didn't think the tensai could see him through the tears filling his eyes. Yuushi was looking at him but not seeing him. It was like the tensai was looking right through him and seeing something else.

Gakuto scooted closer to sit almost in his lap. He kept holding onto Yuushi's hands. Softer he said, "Hey, look at me. I'm fine. You didn't hurt me. You would never hurt me. And I wanted to. I really did want to, but I kinda didn't cause we said we were gonna wait and all so I was gonna let you but then you were kinda being strange so..."

"Gakuto, I don't even remember...when I..." One of Yuushi's hands moved to cup his chin and his voice stretched out tight like a tennis string just before it snaps. "I might hurt you even though I would not mean to. I might still hurt you. Gakuto, I love you. I love you so much. I truly do love you, but I don't know if you should be with me because I...I meant it when I said I was fucked up. I could hurt you and I might not even realize it when it happens...and I would not even remember it after. In fact, when I tell you this, I think I am probably going to hurt you and I never meant to lie to you...I swear, I swear on my worthless life I didn't mean to, but you need to know this because I...I think I...I don't remember it but I think maybe I...I think maybe I really have had sex before, Gakuto..." The tensai's face twisted into an ugly, painful mask, "I'm sorry. I don't remember. I really don't, and I never wanted to hurt you..."

"And...you didn't. So, shut up." Gakuto didn't wanna hear anymore. He wanted to make it stop. He felt like he was gonna be sick. He moved closer to the tensai to now sit in his naked lap. He reached up and even though Yuushi's face was still all ugly, Gakuto kissed him because if he didn't, he felt like he was gonna lose Yuushi. He kissed him over and over again and worried when Yuushi didn't kiss him back. He kept letting Gakuto kiss him though.

The last thing in the world Gakuto wanted was for Yuushi to be hurt or even worse to break up with him. His mind raced desperately to put together what the tensai was saying. Like a messed up computer he was stripping it all down to it's basic parts and trying to put it back together in a way that could make it work again. "You didn't hurt me, Yuushi." Okay the tensai did a little but, "You didn't lie to me because you didn't really remember. You don't really remember if you had sex before, right?"

"No..." More scary, ugly, twisted face Yuushi, "No, but obviously I must have at some point..." Yuushi gestured to their former positions to show what must have happened if at all. "But I don't know..." the tensai's voice cracked on the last word. "I don't remember even just before with you when I, but I almost..."

"Wait, stop." He had to think. "Well first of all," Gakuto reached up and put his arms around the tensai. Yuushi sat there almost unmoving and it really worried Gakuto when the tensai didn't slide his arms around him. Gakuto was seriously afraid Yuushi would say it was over and then what the hell was he gonna do? "First of all don't leave me. You know what our coach always says, right?"

The tensai was silent a long moment and with that ugly twisted face said bitterly, "Love is pain?"

Gakuto gave a little snort because he knew this was a sarcastic response which was a first, small good sign. "Yeah, that but also we're stronger when we stand together than we ever would if we were apart. You and I are like that. We're gonna figure this out. First of all it doesn't count if you did it with anyone else before because you weren't with me, remember? I mean it Yuushi. You can't even remember if you did or didn't so it damn sure doesn't count. But it does now. From now on it counts. If we're at some party and you wanna go off with some other guy or even some girl, insteada looking for a condom you better come find me. We do him or her together or something," Ouch that kinda hurt. Yuushi wantin someone else hurt like hell. Gakuto shook his head to shake the feeling off, "Well, I don't know, we can figure it out when it happens, but I mean it, Yuushi." Gakuto pulled back to look at the tensai. It hurt to think of Yuushi having sex with someone else but then when he thought of Yuushi being a robot like that, well that was just weird. And heartbreaking. And scary.

Yuushi said through tears, "I don't want anyone else but you." He looked and sounded miserable and like a little kid who was pouting. "I wanted to make you mine tonight...but I didn't want to hurt you."

Gakuto kissed him on the lips, "Yeah, well I don't want anyone else but you either, but just in case it ever happens from now on we're gonna come find each other. And I don't think we're gonna have to worry about who is making who theirs since we're not gonna be with anyone else, okay?"

Nodding the tensai quietly said, "Yes." He quickly followed it up with another, "Gakuto, I'm sorry..."

"Well stop. Don't be. Although you gave me hell of a lot of work to do. I'm gonna have to go back over everyone who you supposedly slept with and find out what happened. What really happened. Then we'll know, okay?"

"Gakuto, you don't have to..."

"Ha! Are you insane? Yuushi, you know me. You know I'm gonna haveta do this or it's gonna bug the hell outta me! But you can help. Together we can go over your journals and emails and letters and stuff and see if there are any clues. Plus you can tell me what you do remember about things that happened and things that you felt after. Like if you were sore or anything hurt like your muscles or back or your ass the next day after a date or a party. You use muscles you don't normally use when you have sex. And you know what else?"

The tensai shook his head no still looking miserable.

Gakuto's brain was chugging along now at his usual fast rate and his mouth struggled to keep pace, "I bet when you're like that and don't remember it's probably kinda like when coach or Atobe yells at you for being a robot on the tennis courts. You know when you say you're bored or tired or something? How you play then. Remember when you played that Izu-whatever guy before this season at Atobe's? After the first serve you went into that robot thing, remember? I asked you after what happened and you said something about it...what the hell did you say?"

Seeming calmer now the tensai said, "I said the last thing I remembered was you laughing at how bad the guy's hair was, how furious Fukawa was at you, and then next thing I knew I won and the match was over. I really don't remember playing him. It...it happens sometimes, you know? I mean, it's never happened when I'm with you until earlier, but you might have heard about it from someone else. Girls often say it happens with them on a date, and then sometimes when I'm taking a test that I find very simple and dull, the next thing I know it's over. It's really never happened when I'm with you or around you before. Perhaps because you never bore me and I find you to be an intriguing, exciting, and captivating mystery, or perhaps it's because I always try to be at my best when you're near. I've never discussed this with anyone before. If a person in the past said that I was acting that robotic kind of way, I just tell them they're dreadfully dull or make a joke but the truth is...the truth is that sometimes I...I lose time."

Seeming to not realize it, Yuushi when talking started playing with Gakuto's part. He seemed to hold Gakuto more firmly in his arms at the same time which made Gakuto feel better.

Gakuto ignored the annoying hairplay. Anything to have Yuushi back and feeling better and not wanting to break up. Maybe he should keep Yuushi talking plus what the tensai said didn't make any sense. "What do you mean, lose time? When you act like a robot?"

The tensai shrugged, "I mean just that. It's sort of like amnesia where I won't know or remember what happened. I'll sit down to take a test or go play a match and next thing I know, hours have passed by but I can't remember doing anything. It happened during tennis occasionally. Sometimes before you ere my roommate I would go to take a walk and not come back for hours. When I come back I'll be dirty or tired but I won't remember anything. A few times I would I think to myself that I should eat dinner, and only then do I realize that I'm full. I must have stopped somewhere and ate but I can't remember where or what I ate. That's why at parties I don't drink alcohol in case I forget things, and that's why I started keeping a journal years ago."

Yuushi frowned. "When I was overseas at school people would come up to me and I wouldn't know them. They'd say hello like we were good friends and I wouldn't remember who they were. Next thing I know I would be unlocking my door at home and hours had passed. I would only know if we'd gone out to eat because I had a receipt in my pocket or leftovers in a bag I was carrying in my hand. I had friends that I didn't know. And more than once, when bullies or someone tried to beat me up, I wouldn't remember what happened, but I would suddenly be home washing blood off my clothes. Their blood. Later I would find out that I fought back and beat them up, but I wouldn't remember being there or anything that happened. If I try to remember things from times when I can't I end up giving myself a headache so I try to not remember, but I will help you however I can." The tensai had made the front of Gakuto's hair into that "V" shape again, but now he smoothed it back in a way Gakuto hated even more because the scar on his forehead would be visible.

Frowning with a crease in the center of his forehead Yuushi hesitated as if picking his words carefully. He started to trace the outline of the scar with his fingertips as if touching something precious and valuable, "This is why I worry about hurting you." The tensai closed his eyes as if they hurt or he had a headache, "Please don't ever let me hurt you...I really didn't mean to..."

Gakuto reached up and put his hands around the back of the tensai's neck, "I won't and...you didn't. You stopped when I said stop. What's the last thing before that you remember?"

Yuushi smiled, "You were looking gorgeous and you said you wanted to. You asked me what position I wanted you in...and then next thing I knew you were yelling at me to stop." The tensai seemed to bury his head in the space between Gakuto's neck and his shoulder. "I'm too weird, aren't I?"

It was asked in a joking manner, but Gakuto knew Yuushi was serious. The tensai was giving him an out almost like he was unable to break up with Gakuto either. Which was a good thing even if it did kinda piss Gakuto off. If he didn't want Yuushi, Gakuto wouldn't have been there. And stupid Yuushi knew that. Didn't he? He had to.

It was even more upsetting though because all that time Gakuto had no idea Yuushi was in that weird robot mode. He said Gakuto was a minx or whatever and the kissing was hot, but he also called Gakuto lover in a way that looking back now, Gakuto didn't like then. It was impersonal kinda, but at the time it happened Gakuto blew it off because he was anxious to get to the good stuff, but he shoulda been listening.

Not that there was anything wrong with being called lover, even if it did feel dorky, but it was wrong how Yuushi said it. Which was hard to explain to anyone else, but Gakuto kinda thought Yuushi was more likely to call him something lovey and goofy like, "my love" or "my beloved" than lover. Even during sex. Especially before their first time. And there was something about the way Yuushi said it that just felt wrong, but Gakuto couldn't quite put his finger on what was so bad and off about it.

Gakuto ran his fingers up through Yuushi's now crazy hair. Stupid tensai. He was gonna have to keep a close eye on him. "You're not too weird Yuushi, just weird enough for me. Now come here and lay down. We're gonna take this slower and you owe me huge. Don't even think of going robot on me either, but if you think you're gonna go that way at any time, then say something, if you can."

"Gakuto...you...you still want to be with me?" Yuushi seemed perplexed.

Stupid, moronic, idiotic tensai. "Duh. What was your first clue? Move. On your back. We're gonna do this my way."

"I should get tested..." Yuushi still moved to lay on his back, "I don't know where I've been or what I've done or who I may have been with. I don't want to hurt you, my beloved."

See? Gakuto rolled his eyes and climbed on top of the tensai pushing Yuushi down with his hand in the center of the tensai's chest. "We get tested every month for everything. Including the DNA test for AIDS which is like 99.999 percent accurate. You're fine. I'm fine. We're not gonna go all the way right now anyway. We're safe. It's okay. You're not gonna hurt me. You won't hurt me. You wanna stop and just go to sleep, then you say so at any time. I'm not gonna be mad. I promise. And I promise from now on I'm not gonna let you hurt me or go all robot on me, okay? Look, it's kinda like tennis and we're new partners. We're gonna have to work out some signals and we will. But that comes with time. So turn off your big dumb brain and let's play. I wanna come and I wanna come with you." Gakuto bit his bottom lip and said what he was thinking out loud, "I kinda...I kinda needta now, Yuushi, okay? I want you to come with me and not like a robot. I want you to remember. I want us to feel good and be together."

Yuushi's brain though was still working. The tensai looked like he was trying to figure out new things to get worked up over or new problems to worry about.

Gakuto got a little mad and raised his hand to tick off his points as he made them up, "Look, it's very simple, but I'm gonna explain it to you anyway so there's nothin to be confused about. You have feelins for me and I have feelins for you. We both had a shitty day today. We've both had fucked up things happen to us in our past. On top of our shitty day today we both..." Gakuto tried to find a word that fit. Something that the tensai would like and finally did, "We both dredged up shit from our pasts and shared like we never shared with anyone ever before. It was big and horrible and we cried and stuff but the most important thing of all is even with all those shitty things that happened and all the shitty things we talked about..." Gakuto for some stupid reason had a tight knot in his throat like he was gonna cry.

Again. Damn it, he wasn't gonna let that happen. He swallowed to get it down and when he talked around it Gakuto heard his voice sound tight and hoarse, "The most important thing is we're still here. Together. There isn't anywhere else I wanna be and there isn't anyone else I wanna be with and I think you feel the same. In fact, except for the shitty parts and things, all of the other times today and tonight I've spent with you are some of the best I've ever had. The only thing that's changed as far as how I feel about you is I think I feel closer to you now more than ever. Even with what just happened, even that is okay and gonna be okay and you know that's a big deal for me, but I'm fine. I can handle it and I wanna help you just like if it was something for me you'd help me, right?"

"Yes..." Yuushi said it quietly, but Gakuto could tell he was there and listening and not in robot mode.

Before the tensai could say anything else, Gakuto went on, "So what I want now, maybe what I need now, I guess is for us to go back to what's normal for us. I don't wanna think about stuff all tonight. I'm too tired to think of new problems. I'd rather deal with the ones we have tomorrow, but now I want our normal. And normal for us is we come together..."

Yuushi looked concerned and like he was going to interrupt.

Gakuto shrugged, "You'll try. If you can't then we'll try again tomorrow. But either way normal for us is gonna be we come together and then we go to sleep together like we're in our bed together back at Hyoutei. Because if we..." Gakuto swallowed down that lump again, "If we can do that then we can get through anythin. And that...that's what I really, really wanna do. With you. Okay, now say somethin because...because now I'm worried since you're not sayin anything..."

"Come here," the tensai gently pulled Gakuto beside him and rolled to his side.

Gakuto worried that Yuushi was going to say something else bad or maybe that he didn't want that or maybe he just didn't want them to be together.

Maybe he was too scared of hurting Gakuto to try, but then the tensai said, "I love you. I love you more than life itself..."

Thanks for being patient everyone!

I'm working on more including some originals which I hope to get up over this weekend.

I'll cross post them here and make a new journal for original stuff.

I also want to get suteishichic.com back up, but I have writing to catch up on and post first *grin*

Learning to Play by Suteishichic. Chapter Three ~ Fuji Yuuta

2008-04-05T06:14:44Z

Learning to Play by Suteishichic. Chapter Three ~ Fuji Yuuta

Warnings: Yaoi, Love, Angst, Fluff, and Lots of Sex. Some kink. You've been warned ;)

Disclaimer: Nope not mine. Still in my dreams. ;)

Yuuta's heart nearly stopped when he realized what he just stupidly said. He wasn't sure how his roommate would respond. Would he be annoyed? Think Yuuta was pushing too much? Would Atsushi want to take another break?

Atsushi shrugged and said before sighing, "Yeah, it really is different with a girl." Yawning and stretching Atsushi casually asked, "Do you know if it's supposed to rain tomorrow?"

"I..." Yuuta realized he could breathe again and had to keep from sighing in relief, "Uh...I don't know. My ani...my brother always knows what the weather will be like, but I don't."

"Huh?" Atsushi looked confused, "Your brother always knows what the weather will be...how does he know? Does he watch that lame channel our mom watches all the time or something?"

Yuuta tried to explain, "No it's just, my Aniki, he somehow always knows what the weather is going to be. I don't know how, he just...knows. It is sort of weird, I guess, but he's always been able to do it and not just at home. Even when we travel to different places my Aniki always knows what the weather will be like. It's just something he can do. You know, like a gift or something. It's probably because he's really smart. It's not like a big deal or anything. My Aniki says that some people are like that where they just know certain things. Some people just know science things. Some just always know the time without having to look at a clock. My brother's thing is he always knows the weather, even if he doesn't care about it."

Atsushi was looking at him strange. It was a look that pretty much meant he either didn't believe what Yuuta was saying or he thought the whole thing was totally lame. Clearly Atsushi was wondering to himself if he should bother trying to understand this or if he should just let it go so they could go to sleep.

Yuuta felt like he had to say something more in his own defense, "It's not like my Aniki wants to know what the weather will be or anything, he just does."

Atsushi shrugged as if deciding he would be better off just dismissing the whole thing.

Feeling frustrated Yuuta sighed, "I don't know. He's weird."

Atsushi sort of pounced on that, "He sounds totally weird. Who'd want to be able to do something like that? It would be so much cooler to know how to always win at tennis. That would be cool. If you're going to have a gift, then it should be something useful, you know?"

That night had been the more aggressive side of Atsushi. They kissed, fooled around until they both had come, and now Atsushi was done. The older boy in this sort of mood would be argumentative for a while before falling asleep. If Yuuta kept talking when he was ready to sleep, Atsushi in this contrary kind of mood would become more and more crabby and sarcastic.

At first this used to bother the hell out of Yuuta, but now he was sort of used to it. There were even times when Atsushi like this was kind of cute despite all of his grumpiness. When they first moved in together, before Yuuta understood Atsushi was like this, Yuuta would get annoyed and go to sleep in his own bed. They ended up arguing that night and each of them went to bed mad.

Yuuta woke up a few hours later to find Atsushi sitting on his bed looking down at him. Atsushi had been crying and when Yuuta reached to comfort him, he found Atsushi's skin icy cold and his hair sopping wet. It certainly woke Yuuta up the moment he put his arms around his roommate.

As Yuuta tucked Atsushi into bed with him and tried to warm him up, the freezing junior in that almost nonsensical baby-talk way explained. Or tried to because between the chattering teeth and the strange twinspeak it was hard for Yuuta to make out over half of what Atsushi was saying. From what he could put together, Atsushi was so upset by their argument and Yuuta going back to his own bed that he went up to the roof.

It was a strange place to go and one that sort of worried Yuuta even though he put those worries to the back of his mind almost immediately. Some twenty years ago much of what was now St. Rudolph's had been an all girls preparatory school. They were now living in what was once a girl's dormitory. Over the years several girls tragically jumped to their deaths off that roof. St. Rudolph's decided the roof would be closed to students except for in emergency fire situations until Mizuki-san arrived.

Last year, Mizuki-san petitioned St. Rudolph's to allow him and some of the other tennis club members to build a rooftop garden. The school finally relented after his constant requests and after Mizuki-san's family agreed to pay for a better perimeter fence along with the gardening equipment.

The results were lovely. The garden was beautiful, but it was still not a place Yuuta would have gone to at night. Not with it's horrible history. Not when it was so likely to be haunted. He and Atsushi even discussed it and agreed that it was a nice during the day place, but creepy at night.

Yet Atsushi went there. It was strange.

From the feel of his cold skin, Atsushi had been outside for hours even though the wind that night was cold with a coming storm. His soaking wet hair meant he even stayed outside through the beginning of the rainstorm.

In that baby-talk language through tears and still shivering with cold he begged Yuuta to forgive him and to be friends with him. Atsushi said something about having low blood sugar when he was tired and something else about always sounding contrary and argumentative when he was falling asleep. That was where Yuuta learned the word contrary. He made Atsushi repeat it in non-twinspeak so he could later find out what it meant. Their first big fight ended in another hot round of playing, this time in Yuuta's bed with Yuuta in the lead.

After that Yuuta never let Atsushi's night grumpiness when he had been in the lead bother him again. In fact, while Yuuta was trying to explain about his Aniki's talent, Atsushi already was starting to untangle their limbs and separate before he would turn himself away to fall sleep. They would share Atsushi's bed, but not sleep all cuddled up together like they did when Atsushi was his more subdued self the nights they spent in Yuuta's bed.

Yuuta wanted to explain a little more, but he could tell Atsushi was tired. His senpai was pretty much done with talking and looking to sleep. He was cute like a little kid when he was tired like this. It was a side of him Yuuta was pretty sure only he ever saw.

The conversation was ended by his senpai about a minute later. Before falling asleep Atsushi dismissed Yuuta's brother's weather skills as, "Weird." A moment later, it was followed by a sleepy-sounding, baby talk, "Niy-nee, Yuuya."

Atsushi was like that and it really wasn't anything personal, so Yuuta didn't mind. His senpai was moody, but once you knew his moods and how to handle them, he was a lot of fun.

Yuuta really liked his roommate--both sides of him.

Unlike his moody roommate, St. Rudolph's was almost boringly consistent and designed to be that way. Within a matter of weeks and without needing to discuss it, Yuuta and Atsushi had fallen into an easy, amicable pattern. They woke up together nearly every day and had to go to breakfast together.

Mizuki-san insisted the team eat something before morning practice. Mizuki-san also insisted the entire team eat together at all meals so everyone did at almost every meal, every single day. After breakfast the team headed to morning practice together.

Every day, Yuuta and Atsushi met up after morning classes during lunch at the huge school food court. They sat together with the rest of the tennis team. They went off in opposite directions to their afternoon classes after deciding on a different diversion to explore for that night. They went to afternoon practice and to dinner together.

After dinner they went back to their room. They studied together most nights until around twilight and when studying was done, sometimes with their new friends from the tennis club, they hit the local places. Sometimes they ran into even more tennis club team members while out, and a big group of everyone shared laughs, watched girls, and had fun.

It was easy and Yuuta always had a good time, but the after parts, the secrets only he and Atsushi shared, those were the best parts of Yuuta's days and nights.

Every night they left to go back to their room early. Everyone understood their excuse that it was because they both had so much schoolwork to catch up on since they started school late.

In the beginning this was true, but by now they were finished with catching up. They helped each other those first weeks after they arrived go through the mountains of homework the school insisted they do to be caught up with their classmates. They got through it together and with Atsushi's help, Yuuta's grades were the best they had been in a long, long time, but they weren't leaving early for school or tennis.

At night, they really left early because they had other plans together.

Before their real fun could start though, there was always one thing Yuuta had to do for Atsushi first.

As soon as they got in their room, they locked the door and Yuuta would get out his cell phone. Dialing one of several different phone numbers that depended on a complex system Atsushi worked out with Saeki, Yuuta would call the right number for that day. As soon as Yuuta was certain it was Atsushi's twin Ryou on the phone, he would hand his phone to Atsushi who always grabbed it gratefully.

Yuuta would go down the hall to shower to give the twins a little time to catch up with each other. At first he used to stick around, but now he left the room because he felt awkward being around listening in. It wasn't just what was being said, but more how Atsushi was saying it that was irritating. Atsushi's entire voice and demeanor changed when he was on the phone with his twin. He talked in that baby-talk, nonsensical way that Yuuta didn't think he would ever completely understand, but worse were the times when almost instantly Atsushi would start crying on the phone.

One moment it would seem like everything was fine and the next Yuuta's senpai would be in tears sobbing about how much he missed his twin. Yuuta wasn't sure what he was supposed to do those times when Atsushi sat talking his baby talk and openly weeping.

Yuuta guessed it was just that Atsushi felt keenly homesick, but it was painful to hear. Especially painful while Yuuta had to pretend he wasn't sitting there, listening in, and waiting for Atsushi's call to be done so they could play.

Now Yuuta excused himself and went down the hall to bathe. It wasn't just painful and awkward, but this was the strange thing, because lately, Yuuta started to feel jealous.

Feeling jealous of someone's twin was, well Yuuta knew if he asked his Aniki about it, Syusuke would find it...interesting. Which meant Syusuke when would call something or someone psychologically interesting, anyone else would probably say it or they were crazy.

Syusuke would like it though. He would examine Yuuta's feelings of irrational jealousy as if his Aniki were studying a new and fascinating species of plant. Yuuta knew by now what Syusuke would find interesting and that the things he found interesting usually were interesting because they were strange, warped, crazy, and wrong.

It was not right to be jealous of someone's brother and to be jealous of their twin brother, well that seemed even more weird. It wasn't right. It wasn't good.

It was only natural and healthy that Atsushi was close to his twin, and it was totally normal. It would be strange if Atsushi was not close to him, and for Yuuta to feel jealous of his twin instead of his boyfriend, well that just showed how Yuuta was messed up in the head.

Yuuta resolved to never tell Atsushi about his weird feelings. Instead he decided it would be best if he left the room during the daily call.

It seemed like the right choice too. Nightly when Atsushi was done talking with his twin, he would shower and then join Yuuta in the bath. Their school on each floor had a deep, huge communal bathtub where after showering first, many of the guys in the tennis club would hang out and soak. Especially after a really hard practice.

The first time Yuuta saw the common bath, he was sure he would never use such a thing. Yes, they were in Japan and all, but his family never bathed together. They weren't that way even if they were totally messed up. Yuuta couldn't remember the last time he had taken a bath with his Aniki. Heck, his family never even saved their bathwater to re-use.

Maybe it was because Yuuta's father went to college in Europe, but his family tended to do things much more western-styled. When they first arrived at school, Yuuta told Atsushi how he'd never been to a community bathhouse type of thing and he didn't think he was up to it. He told Atsushi that he thought it was strange or something.

Atsushi laughed at him and told him not to be so shy. He explained his family for many years lived in a small apartment building with one small bathroom shared by everyone in the household. For him and his twin, a large bath was an extravagant pleasure. Their small bath at home was too small for the both of them to fit in at the same time. Their family made a monthly trip to a community bathhouse as a luxury.

The first Sunday afternoon between practice sessions, Atsushi took Yuuta to an off-campus bathhouse. The older boy explained he hadn't known that there would be such a great big bath at school so his twin looked up the local bathhouse for him to visit knowing how much they both enjoyed it. It was a place far off-campus that Yuuta was sure no one from their school ever visited. Yuuta felt nervous and exposed, but Atsushi that day was in a very up mood and quickly put him at ease.

One thing Yuuta discovered soon after arriving at school was even with all the money their school brought the surrounding neighborhood, many of the locals resented the St. Rudolph's students. Yuuta wasn't sure of the reason for this when it seemed the community existed because of the school, but the bad feelings were there.

It was only when he thought about it from Atsushi's point of view that Yuuta could begin to understand why. When they talked it over, Atsushi explained that probably to the locals the students seemed loud and snobbish when really, they were just kids. Sure, there were some guys in their school that were snobbish, but more of them were sort of misunderstood and just having fun, guys like Mizuki-san.

Through Atsushi's eyes, Yuuta could see how Mizuki's honest comments and silly jokes could seem like condescending, sarcastic remarks. He could see how the local kids who were going to local public high schools and the nearby public junior-high probably had a bit of envy and jealousy regarding the beautiful campus and excellent teachers.

Atsushi explained patiently to Yuuta why many local parents said they did not want their sons or daughters to date or befriend anyone from St. Rudolph's was because they probably felt that what they had to offer their kids didn't measure up. You didn't want your kid to see things they might never have, and yet, the few coveted local scholarships to St. Rudolph's high school were always fiercely fought for.

The local kids were drawn to St. Rudolph's like moths to a flame. You always want what you can't have. Because their tennis team and a few other St. Rudolph's clubs were so successful, it was one of the few things the community stood behind. In things like sports, the neighborhood people treated the players like local celebrities. They knew them by name. They went to the matches and cheered.

Atsushi was smart enough and worldly enough to know things like that. He understood things sometimes when Yuuta really didn't. The nice thing was he would patiently explain things like this to Yuuta in a way he could easily understand.

Yuuta even worried when they walked into the public bathhouse that there might be problems, but there wasn't. In a short amount of time with Atsushi paving the way, they were both well-liked and accepted. They ended up talking tennis the whole time and it was a lot of fun. Even the locals seemed to enjoy their company, and when they left they sincerely invited the boys to come back any time.

That was another nice thing about Atsushi. He was really down to earth and he was really easy to be with. Atsushi was able to talk to anyone and make them feel comfortable. It was probably one of the reasons why he was able to get along with Yuuta so well to begin with. You just felt you could trust Atsushi and talk to him about anything.

Yuuta never experienced anything like St. Rudolph's before. Seigaku had fans, but they tended to be current students, alumni, or boys in local grade schools who wanted to attend Seigaku when they were old enough. Many times, the fans usually only watched and cheered at the regional and national matches.

Atsushi was used to this though. He explained that in his old school, it had been very similar to St. Rudolph's except his old school was a very poor one. Atsushi's parents were older and while his father had a decent job, because of his age, he was forced to take cuts in pay and a lesser job at the bank where he worked just to stay working. The bank where he worked was bought up by bigger and bigger banks and each turnover meant less and less for the older employees. Atsushi and his family had enough, but nothing left over.

He and his old teammates were the outsiders always looking enviously in at the rich kids. But those kids had something most poor areas didn't. They might be poor and their school might be shabby, but their tennis team was excellent. They did not attract tensais or well-known players, yet they consistently were able to rank evenly with other, better schools, even on a national level due to sheer hard work and hours of practice. For them tennis was not just a club or a hobby. It was a way to break out and achieve a dream. The team players were treated like celebrities or pop stars by the local kids and community. The respect of the local people who supported their team meant the world to them.

In fact, Atsushi worried what his old school's tennis club fans must think about his leaving. About him. Atsushi said Saeki and his twin would tell people that Atsushi left because he needed to work on his own so that he wasn't under his twin brother's shadow, but Atsushi actually worried if people--fans he barely knew would accept it. Poor Atsushi still sometimes received letters and emails from local kids from his hometown. Most were supportive and wished him well, but a few said he betrayed them.

The letters made him cry. Both the good and the bad ones.

Atsushi was terribly homesick even with all the fun things they did together. Yuuta wore himself out trying to constantly think of exciting, new things because Atsushi seemed to do better when he was kept busy and distracted from what he left behind.

Yuuta did his best. They had gotten very close and while it felt good, whenever Yuuta thought about how homesick Atsushi still was, Yuuta felt a little upset.

Atsushi missed his old life. In addition to his twin, there was his family, his friends, his boyfriend, and his coach that he bitterly missed. Atsushi was particularly close to his coach and it seemed from the little Yuuta overheard when Atsushi was talking to his twin on the phone, Yuuta got an impression that everyone was close to "the old man" who everyone called simply, Ojii.

It took a while for Yuuta to even figure out that the old man wasn't Atsushi's grandfather or something, but just his old school's possibly unofficial tennis coach. Atsushi talked about this old man who lived where the tennis courts were like he was some kind of demi-god or hero or something.

At first Yuuta suspected the guy was some crazy old pervert who liked to teach little boys how to play tennis so he could watch them, but understandably Yuuta was rather cynical when it came to adults. Especially adult men.

Atsushi told Yuuta how Ojii first built his old team their tennis courts on his own land before there were even kids who wanted to play. He built these courts not only with his own money, but according to Atsushi he built them with his own hands. Atsushi's old school was too poor to afford anything like that and this crazy old guy decided there should be tennis courts so he built them.

Then Atsushi said Ojii decided for the younger children he needed to build a playground. He used whatever was left over from when he built the tennis courts. He used whatever he could get his hands on. Even trash from the local dump. Apparently it was an ongoing process and was still being built, but from how Atsushi described it, it sounded like the guy handbuilt Disneyland or something.

Atsushi said the old man in his workshop also built Atsushi's tennis racket. The guy made all his student's first tennis rackets, and after he gave them a racket, he taught each one how to play.

The local children would play in this homemade playground and this crazy old guy would see one with potential and give the boy a handmade tennis racket. The boy would miraculously become interested in tennis and somehow learn to play. From that day on the boy would become a star of this little raggedy tennis club.

It all sounded bizarre to Yuuta, even though Atsushi proudly showed Yuuta his old tennis racket. He kept it covered in a place of honor over his desk. When he went to show it to Yuuta Atsushi held it in his hands as if it was the most precious thing anyone ever owned.

When he held it, Yuuta doubted an old man made it by hand even if it was wood. It was well-made, a little longer than an average kid's racket with a smaller head than normal and had a strange honeycomb-like shape. It had a bizarre double strung wide-spaced open string honeycomb gut that Yuuta had never seen before. He wasn't sure if it was even legal or what the gut was made out of. Yuuta wondered if his Aniki had seen anything like it.

Since this first racket, Atsushi said he and his twin weren't given new ones. Their rackets were each different and each made supposedly especially for each twin. This Ojii guy gave one racket to each twin at seven years old and he was supposedly the first person to know which twin he was talking to. Even their parents could not tell them apart, but Atsushi said Ojii always could. The old man even knew instantly if the twins were each using their own racket or had switched to try to trick him.

Atsushi proudly said the rackets were the first thing the twins ever owned that were made for them each individually and not bought together as a set.

Atsushi said sometimes the old man would give the guys new rackets custom made for them and these homemade things would supposedly be perfect for improving a guy's game. If no new racket came and the old childhood one was too small or worn out, the guys on the team would buy used rackets like Atsushi's racket was now.

Until Ojii gave them a new one, every person would hope and work to deserve it.

Yuuta supposed that was why Atsushi had two completely different rackets. Everyone had a backup, but no one had two completely different ones. One he used some days when he was more aggressive later that night, and the other he used when he was more quiet.

It was strange, but Yuuta could always tell which mood Atsushi was in by the racket he picked up and the completely different style of playing he had that day.

Yuuta sometimes wondered if he was the only one who noticed. Mizuki-san also often watched Atsushi play.

Like a hawk Mizuki-san stared at Atsushi while he played. Half the time, when Atsushi was in his quieter mood Mizuki-san would mutter to himself constantly while twirling his hair and shaking his head as if perplexed or aggravated. The other half of the time when Atsushi was in his more aggressive mood, Mizuki-san seemed so pleased that he would even buy them dinner some nights.

Yuuta understood the feelings of frustration Mizuki-san must have felt because he felt them sometimes too.

Once in a while, he wondered if Atsushi was really moody or if he had some sort of mental health problem. Yuuta researched on his laptop depression when Atsushi had several down days in a row and came upon the answer. He decided that Atsushi might even be bipolar. It made sense. Even to Yuuta there were many times when it seemed like Atsushi was two completely different people. There were times when Atsushi seemed better able to deal with things and other people. There were other times when he seemed down and unable to cope.

Yuuta even surmised the mood swings were how he was dealing with being away from his twin, home, and boyfriend. There were days when Atsushi seemed shy and Yuuta had to draw him out. He seemed deeply sad and depressed and Yuuta figured he was just homesick. When he was in one of those moods his tennis game was very weak. He would seem to almost be in a daze and would forget things Yuuta had just told him the day before or things they just did a few days ago. As soon as Yuuta reminded him Atsushi seemed better, but it was annoying to have to remind him so often about so many things.

When Atsushi was in that down mood, Yuuta found it best if he took charge of the things they did. It wasn't that Yuuta didn't like Atsushi's more subdued self, it was more that the changes would seemingly come without warning. Yuuta would just be getting used to Atsushi one way, and then suddenly he would completely change. After a few days he would notice Atsushi sort of relax more and not be as down. Soon after, sometimes the same day, Atsushi would return to his other, more aggressive self.

When Atsushi was in one of those quiet and down moods, he preferred to be alone with Yuuta or in a smaller crowd. He liked to go to movies and out to eat to new and different kinds of places. He liked to try different foods and beverages even if they sounded strange.

Atsushi in a down mood was very touchy-feely sometimes even if they were in a crowd. He stood a bit close when he talked. Not so you were uncomfortable, but it made Yuuta remember things they had done in their room alone even if there were other people around. It made Yuuta think of kissing him. Sometimes when Yuuta really wanted to, he could see how Atsushi wouldn't mind. It was sort of a strange turn on especially if there were other people they knew around. Yuuta never would, but it was still hot to think about.

They went to the movies often when Atsushi was more quiet and while Atsushi didn't hold Yuuta's hand like his Aniki sometimes did when it was scary, Atsushi sat so they were shoulder to shoulder. Atsushi in the more down mood was very polite and a good listener. He would patiently wait for Yuuta to continue a story without interrupting even if Yuuta got distracted to tell a funny part that happened first before finishing his point. In that regard, when he was in that pensive, darker mood, Atsushi was much like Yuuta's Aniki.

When he was in that mood, Atsushi would smile more than laugh out loud. If too many girls tried to talk to them or asked him too many questions at once, Yuuta found he would instinctively move to protect Atsushi because the older boy would suddenly seem overwhelmed. Sometimes in that mood, Atsushi would also give different answers to things. He would say he loved barbecued chicken one day, and the next day in his other mood he would say he liked fried chicken best. If he said he liked the color green one day, the next day he would say he liked red best.

At night alone, the more down Atsushi would climb into Yuuta's bed on the inside and expect Yuuta to join him. He always waited for Yuuta to take control, and while Yuuta sometimes liked it better when Atsushi was in his more aggressive mood, at the same time how enthusiastically the down Atsushi responded was very nice.

It was totally different from Syusuke because even when Yuuta took control like this, Atsushi was eager and willing to touch and be touched. He loved to be kissed and held close. He loved to be pleasured and waited for Yuuta to show him what he had so far learned. In this mood, Atsushi didn't explain as many things or show Yuuta what he liked or what to do, but instead he let Yuuta figure it out. Yuuta had to choose what was best by Atsushi's responses. He learned a lot when Atsushi was feeling this way.

But he learned just as much when Atsushi was in his other mood. Then Atsushi was fun and very funny. He was louder and somehow more confident. He was still horribly sad, but the only one who ever saw it was Yuuta and that was only when he was on the phone with his twin. That Atsushi went right to his own bed and kissing Yuuta, he would push Yuuta down. He slept on the opposite side and always took control. He was aggressive and playful. He laughed loudly at everything. He liked to touch first, kiss first, and gave specific instructions to Yuuta on how to please him best.

That Atsushi like to talk and he told stories about his and his twin's childhood. He told Yuuta funny stories and talked more than he listened. When that Atsushi did ask questions, it was as if he had forgotten that he had asked the same thing the day or a few days before. It was kind of like his brain got excited in the talking and forgot things. When Yuuta reminded him, he laughed at the mistakes.

There were times when Atsushi seemed more at ease with himself in that more up mood. He was much more talkative and made suggestions on things he wanted to try or do again. He would specifically request things to do sometimes just a day after they had done them together. Once after they went to karaoke and Atsushi didn't want to sing a few days later he said he wanted to go. When Yuuta reminded him they were just there with everyone and he didn't want to sing he seemed surprised. He wanted to go back. The next night they went back to the same place and Atsushi hogged the microphone. He sang as often as he could and was so funny about it that everyone had a great time.

One of the most interesting things Yuuta learned when Atsushi was up and seemed happy was he tended to have a short fuse. Anything could set off his temper and when they were alone it seemed like only then was the older boy able to relax and let his feelings show. And once his feelings bubbled to the surface whether they were his temper or his tears, it was hard for Yuuta to get him out of his bad mood.

When Atsushi was more down and subdued the nice thing was he was more even-tempered. Other than when he talked to his twin or when he was in their room moping, down Atsushi was more pleasant to be around. It was almost as if he didn't try as hard to be upbeat all the time and that made it nicer.

Down Atsushi was more sweet and affectionate which was better too because he was almost needy. He would kiss and touch Yuuta almost to the time they fell asleep. Even in sleep, down Atsushi would curl up like a kitten around Yuuta. If Yuuta moved away in sleep or even as a test, Atsushi when he was down became like a heat-seeking missile. His hands, arms, legs, and body sought out all the warm spots on Yuuta's body until a heavy petting session started all over again. They would end up writhing on Yuuta's bed together completely absorbed in their lust until they both came again.

The problem was becoming Yuuta couldn't decide which mood, the up or the down, was the one he liked better. There were advantages to both. He liked both. He liked both a great deal and he was starting to worry about it. If Atsushi noticed and cut him physically off again, this time Yuuta didn't think he would make the three days without any contact.

Watching Atsushi and working with his moods was almost more interesting and more absorbing than tennis for Yuuta. He was fascinated and before he knew it, he realized that what Atsushi when he was cut off said was right. Yuuta was more into Atsushi than a casual, for fun thing.

And what Yuuta couldn't figure out and thought about often was if Atsushi was so sad without his boyfriend, why was he not calling him?

If he was so in love with his boyfriend that he couldn't be with Yuuta, then where was this boyfriend? Why was he only talking to his twin every day?

Yuuta didn't understand, but he wanted to know more. He needed answers.

He decided to wait until Atsushi was in his next up mood where he would be chatty just after they kissed around. He could start asking questions, but Yuuta had no idea how long off that might be. It could be an hour or it could take a week.

But then he got an idea. A good one. Atsushi wanted and could really use his old laptop, right? Up until now he'd just been sharing Yuuta's because Yuuta's stupid sister said she was too busy with her new boyfriend to drop it off. Which was fine, but what if Yuuta went home and picked up his old one?

And while he was getting his old one for Atsushi, well his Aniki had an old laptop too. Yuuta was sure of it because they'd both gotten their new ones around the same time right before their father left on his trip. What if Atsushi's twin was given his Aniki's old laptop? The laptops both had built in cameras.

Then the twins could not only talk, but they would be able to see each other.

And Yuuta would be able to see what was going on, not just hear one side of the twinspeak conversation.

If Atsushi's boyfriend was still in the picture, Yuuta would see that too soon enough.

And if he wasn't, then there wasn't much keeping Yuuta and Atsushi apart, was there?

This might work. He would go home tomorrow. First thing.

Yuuta felt excited as he began to plan.

He fell asleep smiling, but Yuuta had no idea tomorrow was going to be one of the worst days of his entire life.

More soon, k? Even other couples.

Thanks for reading! I'll try to be faster with posting. I've had some health problems (and taken a billion tests for everything from leukemia to lupus...ugh) but hopefully I'll be on the mend soon. I'm also traveling to Scottsdale and then Portland to visit family from the 15th for over a week. But I usually write more when I travel. (Nearly all the end of L2F was written in Hawaii) XD

Um, I may have to change an older chapter in L2L. I don't really want to, but it bothers me. In the middle of my computer problems (and with my old laptop being stolen last year) I noticed some things were left out by accident. I'm trying to figure out a simple fix but the simplest/fastest might just be to do it and move on.

Thanks again! ^_^

More soon! :)

Learning to Play by Suteishichic. Chapter Two~ Fuji Yuuta

2008-03-03T03:10:32Z

Learning to Play by Suteishichic. Chapter Two~ Fuji Yuuta

Warnings: Yaoi, Love, Angst, Fluff, and Lots of Sex. Some kink. You've been warned ;)

Disclaimer: Nope not mine. Still in my dreams. ;)

Over the next several weeks, Yuuta made many wondrous discoveries at his new school. He walked around feeling almost giddy with his new safety and freedom. He figured he deserved it because he could appreciate it so much more than the average person going away to school for the first time. He certainly reveled in it way more than his homesick roommate, Atsushi.

Even if the guy was homesick a lot, Yuuta really liked his roommate.

Atsushi was moody. He was really down sometimes. Some days Atsushi seemed like he was on the verge of crying and as fragile as an eggshell, but Yuuta by now knew from long practice with his Aniki how to cheer anyone up. And if nothing else worked, Atsushi was always up for playing a match any time of day or night.

The older boy was funny in the way he observed things and funny just in how he was. Atsushi had a lot of sides and moods and while it seemed strange at first, over time Yuuta began to really like Atsushi's different sides. He ran either hot or cold. One day Atsushi would be quiet and pensive and the next he might be all smiles and mischief.

One morning Atsushi would wake up loud, energetic, and be hilarious and the next morning he could be solemn, wistful, and almost shy. You never knew how he would be and he would change completely from one extreme to the next sometimes from day to day. Every time Yuuta thought he had Atsushi figured out, the next time he saw his roommate the guy would be completely different. At first it was frustrating, but after a while Yuuta just accepted that was how Atsushi was. At least the guy was never boring.

It took time getting to know someone new, but almost from the moment they met Yuuta felt he could trust Atsushi. In a very short time, Yuuta grew quite close to him.

He guessed it was the same for his roommate. Yuuta didn't see Atsushi during classes because they were a grade apart, but as soon as class was over, Atsushi appeared like magic by his side. The older boy tended to stick close to Yuuta most of the time. People joked that they were inseparable which was annoying, but other than the jokes, Atsushi always being around worked out well.

It was nice that someone was always glad to see him. Atsushi always made sure Yuuta was invited and included in everything even if Yuuta was younger than the other guys. He was always looking out for the freshman and he always saved Yuuta a seat.

The school campus was huge and Yuuta had to admit it was more fun to have someone to go exploring with. Especially someone else who found everything at St. Rudolph's new and just as strange.

St. Rudolph's was unique and was designed to be that way. It was set up to give a distinct advantage to their students.

The old Japanese system was simple. Approximately 95 percent of all junior high school students in Japan attended public schools and then fought to go on to the few, select, better private high schools. The better the high school, the more opportunities a student would have to get into a better university. The better the university, the better job opportunities a graduate would have.

The competition to be accepted to one of the elite private high schools was fierce. High school acceptance was largely based on a student's test results and students focused completely on their tests by their third year of junior high. Most would even take extra classes at special schools designed specifically for test preparation and still go on to hire additional tutors. The same would happen again when a high school student applied to different universities. It wasn't fair, especially if you didn't tend to take tests well, but 95 percent of everyone did exactly as they were expected.

Unless you were one of the five percent who had the money and the tenacity to find a shortcut. St. Rudolph's was designed by a Western businessman specifically to buck the old system. It was a large, private school that was spread out and felt more like a college campus than a junior high and adjoining high school. Unlike other area schools, St. Rudolph's did not have a grade school or any facilities for younger children. The school spanned from junior high to high school and was an escalator school. Simply put, everyone attending the junior high was already accepted into their high school. With the emphasis off the testing system until a student was preparing for university, it was felt the students could better focus on actually learning instead of simply on test-taking.

With that goal in mind, the school was run more like a university with separate buildings and teachers specialized for each subject. Unlike most Japanese schools where the students sat in one classroom all day with one or two different teachers, the St. Rudolph's students after homeroom set off to attend their different classes in different buildings. The system was set up fairly ingeniously to ease the new freshman students into a completely foreign university-like environment.

The freshman junior high students who were new to this way of living and studying were grouped by their homeroom classes. The first years moved with their entire small class of no more than twenty students to each different class throughout the day. This way the students maintained the feel of a stable class of peers and the only thing that changed was the classroom and instructors for each period.

It kept the students feeling attached to their classmates and at the same time introduced the new system slowly until it became familiar for them. The classes were closely regulated and the instructors were in constant contact in order to give individualized attention and should they need to keep any student struggling with the new system caught up with their classmates. The first years were assigned homework nightly and reports weekly in different classes on a strict schedule that forced the students to learn effective studying methods. The moment any student seemed to be falling behind, a counselor was called in to work with the student, the instructors, the class, and the schedule. This kept the entire class on schedule.

By a student's second year, some students from each class would begin to break off for more specialized classes and some students from other classes would join. The number of pupils in any class never exceeded twenty until their third year when the students were introduced to large lecture halls. The system was very structured and worked very well. The students graduating from St. Rudolph's held several advantages over others taught in the more traditional methods. When the St. Rudolph's graduates went on to universities they were used to an independent lifestyle and had solid studying skills that lead them to success in the world.

That at least was the big picture. On a smaller scale the first thing a first year junior high school student noticed was how enormous and almost overwhelmingly new everything was.

Yuuta was no exception.

When he first transfered, Yuuta didn't realize just how huge the campus was or how many students attended the school. There were tons of students, and as he discovered most of the wealthy school's students lived on campus in the dorms. There were very few who commuted. This too was part of the system's design.

Things were set up this way so that dorm life became a central focus and a student's friendships became a major focus of their experience at St. Rudolph's. A student's friends, or in the case of a large, strong club like the tennis club, their teammates became who they worked, lived, and played with. Living, working, and eating close together made everyone form intense bonds in a family-feeling atmosphere.

All of this was an unusual change for Yuuta who grew up spending most of his time alone. Yuuta didn't even realize how isolated he was before until after school started.

A year ago, he would have insisted he was fine had anyone asked him, but now seeing how it felt to have close friends that you shared everything with, Yuuta was surprised to find he used to be lonely. He was alone so much he didn't know that he used to be lonely.

But no more.

He decided this way of living was much better. It felt great to be surrounded by friends and Yuuta felt happy for the first time in a long time.

One night, about two weeks after he transferred all this occurred to Yuuta. It had been an amazing fourteen days where everything he knew was changed and replaced with all new things. It was fourteen days of waking up with someone by his side who cared about him. Forty two meals and eight snacks eaten with his friends. Twenty six practices and two matches played with his teammates where he felt a part of their family. Fourteen nights going to sleep exhausted but next to someone he felt comfortable and safe with. After just fourteen days he realized his life was changed.

He also realized before he fell asleep that night how happy he was.

Sure, when he first got to St. Rudolph's he missed Syusuke and his sister. He even missed his mom sometimes. And although Yuuta knew he had some unfinished feelings when it came to his Aniki, for now he was too busy and happy to even think about it. Yuuta decided to deal with his old life later so he could focus on this new one.

Their campus was huge and just as the St. Rudolph's system was designed, Yuuta suddenly became swamped with responsibilities and activities. He had little time to be alone or even think between his classes, the tennis club, and his new friends. His new school encouraged and even insisted that everyone have an active life. To make it easier, everything you wanted or needed was provided or accessible.

If you ever had down time, there were a zillion planned events from cultural excursions, to museum tours, to even movie nights for the students to get to know more new groups of people. It took a almost a week for Yuuta and Atsushi to learn it was common practice for a student to live on campus in the dorms even during high school until their senior year. It was only in the last year of high school that many of the St. Rudolph's high school seniors would move off-campus to live in the surrounding neighborhood.

Atsushi and Yuuta wondered between themselves just how big the area around the school was. Together they began to explore that too.

Yuuta was even more astounded when they discovered that for as big as the school was, the surrounding neighborhood was even more packed with places to go and things to do. The huge off-campus area that surrounded the school catered to the students. The local businesses and merchants tried to fill their every need and whim. It was an entire new undiscovered world.

Whatever the school didn't have readily available, the streets around it did. They were filled with music stores, book shops, coffee houses, tea dens, movie theaters, arcades, and more. There were many things to do, many new things to try, and always new places to go. St. Rudolph's felt like a new planet to Yuuta. Everything was so big and new and just waiting to be discovered.

He was very glad for Atsushi's company during their excursions because on his own, Yuuta really didn't think he would have been as brave or seen as much. Sure he might have gone and done a few things with the guys or run some errands that he needed to, but not like this. Every day he and Atsushi saw something new and did something different together. They picked new one thing or place they wanted to see and they went together. It was more fun to go with someone else and Yuuta appreciated the comfort of a companion in such a huge place.

It made him feel free and at the same time, not like a little boy alone and lost in a large crowd.

And without Atsushi around, it would have been easy to get lost.

Though his family life at home was a screwed-up nightmare, Yuuta always obeyed his parent's rules. He ate when and what they told him to, he studied when they told him to, and he went to sleep and woke up when he was told. Because of early tennis practices during the week when he lived at home, Yuuta was in bed by nine most nights. On weekends, he was usually in bed by ten unless there was something special going on or a cultural event his family attended. Even on those rare evenings they were usually home by eleven and he was in bed by midnight.

Yuuta liked his sleep, but a few times at home he forgot to go to bed. If his mom forgot to tell him to go to sleep, Yuuta would get into reading a manga, playing a game, or talking to someone online and before he knew it, the sun would be coming up on a school day. He would be surprised to see the sun flooding his room with light when he hadn't been to bed yet.

On those mornings when his mom would find him still awake, Yuuta was always punished and worse still were the times she got his father involved in his punishment. Like many young kids who lived at home, Yuuta was used to his mom waking him every day for school or tennis practice. She always made sure he was up and had the little things, like some money in his pocket, his lunch, and that he had any supplies he might need. His mom even checked to make sure he had his homework done.

It was an adjustment for Yuuta to do all of this for himself and to remember to take care of all those little things he previously took for granted. But Yuuta was learning because being away at school meant he was safe and free. He could make his own choices and decisions. He was the one who now got to decide what and when he ate. He chose what to do and how late he wanted to stay up. Yuuta went from a very structured environment to one that seemed filled with almost too many choices and possibilities.

Yuuta had a feeling though that if he had truly been on his own, he probably would be struggling by now. He wouldn't have stuck to a strict bedtime. He probably would have skipped meals or forgot things he needed or slept through a few morning practices. Yuuta soon found he also had bad habits of not studying left over from when he was trying to be the worst around his perfect brother.

He probably would have fallen behind without Atsushi keeping the both of them on a consistent schedule of when to sleep, work, and play. It was nice and Yuuta felt comfortable because Atsushi never pushed or ordered him around. He suggested and gave Yuuta choices of things for them to do together.

Best was that Atsushi seemed to value Yuuta's company and his opinions. They had long talks for hours on a variety of subjects. One day they might debate if there were any gods and the next they might be hashing out capital punishment or something else one of them learned in their classes. Atsushi liked to debate things. He liked to take the opposite side of whatever it was Yuuta was arguing. Atsushi in doing this often showed Yuuta new things and new ways of thinking just because he was so contrary. It was very cool.

Sometimes other guys from the tennis club joined in their discussions and debates, and no one was ever made to feel like they were stupid. If someone had a different idea or opinion, instead of being made fun of, the new ideas you or someone else brought up seemed to only enhance the talk. It was all very interesting and fun.

In fact, Yuuta couldn't remember feeling this free or being this happy. Not since he opened his Aniki's bedroom door to discover what their bastard father was doing on that fateful night--but that was all in the past. Now, he was free.

Just the decision of what to do each night for fun was filled with limitless possibilities. There were so many places to go and new things to do. The school expected the students to be mature and worldly and so there really were very few rules.

Basically there was a nightly curfew for tennis club members. It used to be midnight during the week and one in the morning on Saturday nights, but for some reason, the hours were changed right when Yuuta arrived to ten in the evening during the week and midnight on Saturday nights. There was a new informal rule too that the tennis club members were always supposed to stick together. When they went anywhere they had to go in groups or at least in pairs. You got in trouble if you walked back even from the school library late by yourself.

Mizuki-san stressed that they were never to go out alone or to walk around alone at night. He constantly said even though they were guys, they were to stick together. Mizuki-san made Atsushi and him promise like they were little kids or something.

True, Mizuki-san said it was for club solidarity and it did bring everyone together, but Yuuta wondered if it wasn't something else.

When he made a little joke with some of the tennis club members about it, no one except Atsushi really laughed. When Atsushi asked the others the reason for them sticking together, no one gave him a straight answer either. Instead, the conversation became strained and tense all of a sudden.

To prevent that, he and his roommate made a decision. Whatever the reasons were, they were willing to leave it alone so that tense silence stopped happening. Yuuta stopped making jokes and Atsushi stopped asking. They were part of the team and so they followed the rules. They stuck together.

According to the student handbooks Mizuki-san handed him and Atsushi the first day they arrived, there was another rule. An even more weird one. St. Rudolph's students were literally not allowed to date. It said so right in the handbook. No student shall date another student.

Mizuki-san strangely stressed that the rule was an ancient one and several times he pointed out this really applied to them not being allowed to date female St. Rudolph's students. He again emphasized again they were not supposed to date members of the oppositesex, and as tennis club members now, he expected them to uphold the rules as an example to the rest of the student body.

At the time Yuuta and Atsushi looked at each other and shrugged. They both thought it was weird. If not a girl then who else would you date?

Yuuta's head when Mizuki-san was going over all this was so bent on thinking about and missing his Aniki that he didn't think he would have to worry about dating anyways. He had never asked out a girl before or been on a date so for Yuuta, it was no problem. He didn't even have any female friends outside of the few people he met in the private tennis club he practiced in when he refused to join Seigaku's tennis club.

To him it really was stupid to even consider dating. They didn't even know anyone at school. Atsushi must have been feeling the same because when Mizuki-san asked them if they understood they both immediately agreed that they did.

But really, who had time to date? Yuuta had way too much catching up to do. Most nights by the time he finished school, the hours of practice, the piles of homework, and hung out with Atsushi and the guys for a while, Yuuta considered himself lucky if he ended up with six or seven hours of sleep a night.

After a few days of talking to the other guys though it became clear to Yuuta that what the handbook said and what actually went on at school were two entirely different things. The school did what they could to discourage couples from openly dating, but they planned group dates and things like cultural events and dances for girls and guys to meet.

All of it seemed so strange to Yuuta. There were designated areas on campus for girls and boys to meet up if they wanted to study or do things together. There were lounges in both the girls and boy's dorms for that purpose and they could meet up at the library, computer science room, and the food court. And then if that wasn't enough, there was all of off-campus when you could meet up with a girl.

But the rule was that boys and girls were not allowed in each other's rooms. You couldn't even hang out during the day with a member of the opposite sex and if you got caught in a girl's room or had a girl in your room, you got in severe trouble.

Mizuki-san stressed how this was an important rule to obey. When Mizuki-san wasn't around though, from listening to the other guys talk, Yuuta was sure that the rule was frequently broken.

The main purpose for going off campus seemed to be to meet girls and have fun. Yuuta quickly learned having fun almost always included girls in some way, though the tennis club guys didn't really hang out with girls or plan to meet up with them. Instead, having fun revolved around the tennis club guys going to look at girls, talking about the girls they were looking at, or talking to girls who "happened" to be off campus at the same time and at the same place. Every night. The girls seemed to be doing the same exact thing. It was very strange, but Yuuta had to admit, it was fun.

Yuuta soon found out that off campus guys and girls could meet up for real dates, and often did. Especially if a guy was into a girl who didn't go to St. Rudolph's. Always then they met up in town. Yuuta found this out from other guys in the tennis club like Nomura who was in Atsushi's class.

Nomura had been dating the same local girl since his freshman year. He said she went to an all-girls school nearby but lived at home with her family. Nomura explained the real rules and how the students worked around them to Yuuta and Atsushi.

Basically he said you could do whatever you wanted as long as you didn't get caught, but the other guys later told them Nomura wasn't dating a student. He was secretly dating an English teacher who taught at a nearby girl's school! She was so old she was almost thirty!

Two or three times Atsushi and Yuuta followed Nomura to see if he was meeting this older woman off-campus. They were terribly curious and it was fun as an adventure to see what would happen, but all they got for their troubles was lost. Nomura seemed to know exactly where he was going. With them following him far behind so he wouldn't see them, Nomura easily lost the two of them each time down some winding, narrow side-streets.

But Yuuta and Atsushi weren't really interested in girls--on campus or off. Every night they were already doing what they wanted. Somethings they were pretty sure no one else was doing and somethings that they were fairly certain were not allowed. If anyone knew. Which of course, they wouldn't. Because most importantly, they were pretty sure they wouldn't get caught.

Yuuta was always amazed at how fast things between them could change and how it happened usually depended on the mood Atsushi was in. One moment they were just two normal guys hanging out with their friends and teammates and ten minutes later, in their locked room alone, they would be pressed up against each other hotly kissing and petting.

Yuuta was becoming almost addicted to how Atsushi kissed. Both ways.

Depending on his mood, half the time it was Atsushi pouncing upon Yuuta the moment they got inside their room. Atsushi held him close and sought the freshman's mouth with his own. Those waves of kissing aggressively crashed against Yuuta's lips as Atsushi forcefully licked into Yuuta's mouth. So hot and safe and good that the freshman felt his knees go weak. When Yuuta couldn't stand any more, Atsushi would hold him up and smile as he continued his kissing attack.

The other half of the time, they would walk in the room and Atsushi would look at Yuuta. Just one look. Raw naked want and a silent question posed, please? Yuuta joked to himself it was as if the tide had gone out and he knew that was their signal for him this time to be the aggressive one with the older boy.

Yuuta never disappointed him. He could tell Atsushi in those moments loved when Yuuta pressed him against the wall and kissed him in that good, hot way. He loved making Atsushi whimper as Yuuta's hand reached down into Atsushi's pants. When Atsushi was too turned on to stand up anymore, Yuuta held him up and smiled.

In their room alone one night as they lay sweaty, spent, and cuddled up together they would sometimes finish their earlier debates. One night they agreed not letting anyone date, girls or guys in any combination seemed like a strange rule. Atsushi had been the aggressor that night so Yuuta was curled up on the older boy's right side. When Yuuta was the aggressor, they switched sides.

It wasn't anything they really talked about or agreed upon. It was just a little pattern Yuuta noticed that they had fallen into. It was nice. At first Yuuta had wondered which side and which one being the aggressive one he preferred but the truth was he enjoyed both.

Atsushi might be sort of moody but he seemed to have two main moods. One he was up and the other he was down. Not just happy or sad, but it had more to do with how energetic he was, how aggressive he was, and how fast he reacted to the world around him.

When he was up, he was very up. He was a ball of energy that sometimes for Yuuta was both fun and exhausting. When he was down, he was so mellow that it was hard to believe he was the same person that the day before could not be quiet for more than ten seconds.

Everything about him would change depending on which mood he was in and which mood changed from day to day. Even his playing style in tennis would change. When he was up he switched styles of playing so often you got dizzy. One moment he was an aggressive baseliner and the next he was a fierce counter puncher. When he was down, he was strictly serve and volley but clever at times when you least expected it. He could twist his body and would suddenly turn to return a shot you were sure was out of his reach.

Atsushi was fascinating.

They hadn't had sex yet, but they had done a lot of other things. Fun things. Yuuta enjoyed it all, but he was wary to not be too clingy after they fooled around. When he had been, especially when Atsushi was the aggressor, the older boy would tell Yuuta to stop it. Atsushi would remind Yuuta that this was just for fun because he was in love with someone else. He would tell Yuuta that the freshman really should not get too attached to him.

One time Atsushi had even decided they should stop. To Yuuta's shock, he seemed to be serious about it too. Atsushi said Yuuta seemed to be into him for more than just fun and that was a bad thing. He told Yuuta they would still be friends, but anything more was over.

For three days, they didn't touch each other. Three days, but only two nights. During this time, Atsushi switched into a down mood when he had been very up and aggressive the night when he decided they should stop.

Even though nothing else had changed, when they got into their room, Atsushi never gave Yuuta the look that said he wanted to be kissed. He never pressed Yuuta up against the wall either.

Yuuta kept waiting. Waiting and watching. He couldn't believe they were really going to stop completely.

His waiting and watching paid off finally on the third night. Atsushi's mood changed to up again. They got to their room and to Yuuta's surprise the older boy pressed up against him before the door was locked. Atsushi said Yuuta seemed only horny, not depressed or upset that they were breaking up or any nonsense like that. He told Yuuta he thought it would be fine if they continued. If Yuuta wanted to?

Of course Yuuta did want to continue. And yeah, his feelings had been hurt, but during those days, Atsushi was still around. He seemed as if everything else between them was normal. He was still being Yuuta's friend and stuff so even though it hurt, it didn't feel half as bad as when Yuuta's Aniki completely withdrew from him.

So on the third night, they continued, and things went back to normal for them. Yuuta learned to not cling to Atsushi especially after the older boy was in an up mood.

Just like he learned to do lots of things different depending on which mood Atsushi was in. When Atsushi was up, after they fooled around the older boy was sleepy but liked to talk. Not about anything big, but maybe just friend chatter. Maybe he did it so they didn't feel so much like a couple. Yuuta wasn't sure why, but he did know that when Atsushi was up and talkative, it was better to keep the conversation bouncing back and forth like a match between friends. After a while of talking, Atsushi would almost be too tired to continue. He'd end the conversation, roll over, and soon fall asleep.

They were talking that night about how weird the official no dating policy was. When Atsushi took a pause, Yuuta suggested that it could be it was just an old rule that no one had bothered changing or enforcing. Sort of like how it was illegal for someone to draw people having sex.

Yuuta's Aniki told him this a long time ago. Syusuke read very sexually explicit mangas of men being with men almost like he was suggesting something to Yuuta. He told Yuuta how in many places of the world, pictures of sex, especially of two men having sex were illegal to draw or own. His Aniki held up pictures and Yuuta couldn't help noticing Syusuke seemed to most enjoy mangas with stories of two guys related to each other having sex--usually while Syusuke rebuffed Yuuta's latest attempt to do those things for real.

Atsushi said it was a good point, but he thought the reason for the rule still being around was just in case something happened and a girl student got pregnant.

When he looked at it that way, it sort of made sense to Yuuta. He sort of forgot that things like that could happen when you had sex with a girl.

Thinking out loud and feeling maybe too relaxed Yuuta said, "Sex with a girl is so totally different from sex with a guy." Yuuta almost panicked as he realized what he said out loud. They had not had sex yet and he worried that maybe Atsushi would think he was too pushy or too into him.

For a moment, Yuuta's heart nearly stopped when he realized what he just stupidly said. He wasn't sure how his roommate would respond. Would he be annoyed? Think Yuuta was hinting? Would Atsushi want to take another break?

Been sickly.

More soon(er than expected). ^_^

Learning to Play by Suteishichic. Chapter One ~ Taki

2008-02-11T08:11:48Z

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A/N: Learning to Play is the third volume in a continuing story that began in Learning to Fall (book 1 learning_2_fall) and continued in Learning to Land (book 2 learning_2_land). As the story picks up exactly where Learning to Land left off, you are strongly advised to read them in order.

You can also find the chapters in order at www.suteishichic.com

Learning to Play by Suteishichic. Chapter One ~ Taki

Warnings: Yaoi, Love, Angst, Fluff, and Lots of Sex. Some kink. You've been warned ;)

Disclaimer: Nope not mine. Still in my dreams. ;)

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Since the moment they first met, Taki struggled to get close to Ohtori.

Actually, it was more like Taki was trying to fight his way through and battle his way to reach the freshman's heart.

Taki felt if there was just some way he could find to reach through the wall the freshman had built up around his past--if only there were some way to make Ohtori open up or to trick the freshman into talking--maybe then everything between them would change. Taki tried everything to get Ohtori to talk. He honestly did in every way imaginable.

The problem seemed to be that from the beginning Taki thought reaching Ohtori would be much easier than it was. Taki grossly underestimated how difficult this really was.

He was good with people. Good with drawing them out. And not just drawing them out to be the person they wanted every one else to see. No, what Taki was really good at was drawing someone out and getting to know a person as their true self.

Not everyone was able to do this. Most people ever saw only what another person wants you to see. To be able to get someone to trust you enough and let their walls down enough so you can really see their true self is a rare gift. It was a natural talent Taki had that made him unique. Even stupid slut Gakuto said he had a gift (and after all he would know because idiot Gakuto was the hardest person Taki ever had to work to get close to).

But really, Taki was good at getting close to someone. There was no one Taki couldn't get close to. Even Atobe eventually let Taki in.

And Taki used his gift only for good. It was one of his personal rules that he lived by. He only used his ability for good and he never used it for personal gain. Even if he liked someone or was interested in them, Taki never got close to someone to push himself on to them. He took friendship seriously and put his friendships over everything else. If things didn't work out, he never turned against someone or later used the things he knew to benefit himself or to blackmail anyone. Taki never took that idiot Gakuto up on his offers to get to know anyone to collect gossip and dirt on them (this was of course before they were friends). He never exploited his talent, and instead treated it as a sacred gift.

With an uncanny combination of patience and perseverance Taki was able to unwrap a person as if they were an onion. Slowly, terribly slowly, and with seemingly endless endurance, layer by layer, Taki would peel someone down until only their very core, their very essence was left. Given enough time Taki could uncover anyone for who they truly were. He could pare them down until all that was left in front of him was their authentic self. All pretenses and posturing were stripped away until they were left naked with their true motivations, desires, and fears exposed (and often stinking worse than any onion because after all this was Hyoutei).

For Taki, real, true love was to see someone completely peeled and divested like that and love them anyway (and have them see you the same way and love you back).

So of course he tried at first to get close to Ohtori by using his regular methods. Taki began by building a rapport with the intended target by casually chatting. The first few tentative steps and most people, even Gakuto, turned out to be welcome to someone getting somewhat close to them.

But Ohtori was different. Casual chatting never went beyond casual. Ohtori held everyone at arm's length. When the first steps seemed like they were going nowhere fast, Taki started to suspect that Ohtori's friend's death was the problem. It wasn't like Ohtori was talking about the guy or anything, but it seemed this was a major area where Ohtori shut down the most so Taki started there.

He started by reading books on relationships and how to talk to someone after a death. After a while, Taki was spending so much time in the bookstores that he had to pick several different stores to read this stuff in because the salespeople started to recognize him. He didn't mean to loiter and sure, he could easily afford to buy the books but no way could he buy stuff like that. No way could he risk Ohtori seeing what he was reading or even worse, get caught by Shishido.

Tentatively, he tried the suggestions in the books. Eventually he tried of them. He even looked up other ideas online and tried those. As a last resort he even went to Oshitari for advice on how to get someone to open up and talk for their own good. Nothing Taki tried worked.

Taki was not one to give up though. It was rare enough for him to really, really like someone and stay interested in them long enough to decide there was a chance. Once decided, as Taki showed his freshman year with his first boyfriend Ogawa-senpai, he went above and beyond to try to make things work. Taki was a fighter and he was a romantic. There was nothing more noble to him than fighting your hardest and putting everything on the line for the person you loved.

He'd learned the hard way with Ogawa-senpai that not everything he wanted would work out no matter how much he wanted it to or how much effort one person put in. Bitterly he found out with Ogawa-senpai that sometimes no matter how you fought and sacrificed there were no guarantees in life. All a person could do was do their best, work their hardest, fight with everything they had, and then let go and pray things would succeed.

There seemed to be a lot of luck and timing involved in love, and so far Taki was discovering he didn't have much of either.

What Taki did have though was that enduring patience and quite a bit of optimism. If things with the first person you love don't work out, Taki reasoned that at least you learned. The next time you would be better prepared and stronger. Even after things with Ogawa-senpai crashed and burned so horribly, there was things Taki gained. There was something to be said for wisdom and experience even if it hurt at the time. Much like tennis, a person grew stronger when they lost. Losing would help you to win the next time.

Taki resolved to take the lessons he learned with Ogawa-senpai and use them in his next relationship. He could take heartbreak that almost, but didn't destroy him, and use it to rise from the ashes. Of course, there was the matter of Taki having horrible taste in people. After Ogawa-senpai turned out to be such a poor choice dressed up gorgeously wearing chic nice-guy clothing, Taki realized his ability to screen people was off-kilter. At least that is what he discovered after many, many hours in therapy.

He discovered that and Taki discovered he was bipolar. He was not, as his parents accused, just sometimes depressed or a little down. When his moods were "dark and scary" his parents would say that he was just a little sad. They would tell him to snap out of it. They would tell him things like enjoy life now because things only get harder.

Feeling "a little down" became worse and worse after his breakup with Ogawa-senpai until Taki wondered if he'd ever get back up. Luckily he was at Hyoutei and a part of Atobe's freshmen. The moment Atobe noticed he was not at his best, Taki was whisked away to find out what was wrong with him. He had every medical test in the book (and then some) to try to find answers. Finally, a team of the best doctors diagnosed him with bipolar affective disorder.

Instead of being happy to have some kind of answer, Taki's parents in particular were mortified to receive the news. Taki found it more than a little ironic that his father, the head of one of the largest drug manufacturing companies in Japan, was ashamed of his son who needed his company's own drugs, but it was true. He had a mental illness and his parents were horribly embarrassed. They begged him for "the good of the family" to not let anyone know so he didn't. As far as Taki knew or really wanted anyone to know, the only people at school besides the administrator and medical staff who knew that he was bipolar was Atobe and that slut Gakuto.

His parents did look into alternative therapies and for a time Taki was put on a strict diet to appease them. He was sent to team after team of independent medical professionals, but the original diagnosis turned out to be the correct one. To the dismay of his parents, Taki wasn't going to feel better or be stronger through clean living or hope. It wasn't something he was going to just get over or feel better after a cup of tea or a hot bath or a walk outside.

What worked to keep Taki's mood lifted was a combination of tennis, meditation, a strict schedule, and therapy. Talking to a neutral person in therapy two or more times a week when he was really stressed helped, but not as much as having friends and a team around you everyday.

Still, sometimes it was hard. Some days were harder than others.

Maybe that was why without even knowing Ohtori, Taki instinctively reached out for the shy freshman. Maybe in some way he could relate to someone feeling that down and that sad even if in Taki's case it wasn't over the death of someone close.

But some good came out of meeting the freshman. Before Ohtori in large part due to his diagnosis, Taki had sort of given up on dating. He couldn't tell them what was wrong with him and was lousy at picking out good, honest people anyway.

Maybe being bipolar broke his ability to screen out people's true natures or maybe that ability that so many people naturally have just never really developed. And why not? Taki was the only child of a very wealthy family. He was a pampered prodigy and probably a little spoiled when he was younger by everyone around him. He was a cute kid. He had always been told he was attractive.

In fact, until he went away to Hyoutei, Taki had no idea that the servants in his parents' household might actually not adore him. He had zero clue they might instead jealously envy him enough to secretly dislike him. These were people he had grown up knowing and who he saw as a child everyday. These were people who since he was born always showed an accepting, smiling face to him and to his parents so naturally, Taki believed in their facades.

But after attending Hyoutei, his eyes were open and Taki's first trip home for a weekend from school where he could clearly see for the first time was shocking. It stunned him to his very core and left him reeling for some kind of grounding. The butlers, cooks, maids, and other servants didn't adore or love him. They didn't really care about him or his parents or his happiness. For them, working for Taki's family was not a pleasure as they often made it seem, but a job. Plain and simple. Sure, some of them liked his family and some were fond of him, but the staff was the staff and his family was his family. The two were not the same as he had childishly thought.

It was no wonder Taki was easily taken in by people with pleasant exteriors covering hidden motives. He had been his entire life. In fact, it was through all this that he first developed his gift for getting to know someone out of need. He needed to know the truth about people.

And still, it was so easy for him to be fooled if someone was intent on lying to him. He was lied to first by Ogawa-senpai who was too embarrassed to be dating a guy to let anyone know. One minute Ogawa-senpai adored him and couldn't live without him and the next moment he pretended like he didn't know who Taki was. Then Kahaya-senpai who Taki now strongly suspects was only out for his money and family reputation (she even tried to secretly get pregnant!). Next came his ex-best friend Gakuto, who in therapy Taki was still working on "processing" and progress was slow. He still wasn't quite sure why slut Gakuto had used him, but he was left with the feeling that idiot Gakuto completely had. And last but not least, was Sato. Since Taki hadn't gotten to him yet in therapy, he found it was better to avoid thinking about Sato and the horrible things that bastard had done.

But Ohtori was...different. The first time they met, after Ohtori woke up from passing out and all that, the first time they really talked though, Taki was reminded distinctly of all the good things in Ogawa-senpai. Ogawa-senpai at his best possible self, at his perfect core was Ohtori. He was simple, honest, open, and needing a friend. In fact, if it wasn't for Ohtori's best friend still kind of being in a relationship with Ohtori despite being dead--as if the guy was haunting the freshman--Taki could honestly see him and Ohtori being together. He clearly could picture them happy and in love with each other.

The problem was the moment Taki started to steer any conversation even remotely there to the dead friend, Ohtori shut down. The freshman immediately would change the subject and stubbornly keep it changed. If he couldn't keep it changed he would then try to end the conversation. If that didn't work he would say he was too tired to talk anymore.

It was frustrating. It often felt like Taki kept uselessly smacking his against a solid brick wall the freshman had built up around himself.

However, Taki was not going to give up. He read over and over getting the person to talk was the best way to help them. They needed help. Talking was the first step to helping them deal with their grief. You had to be supportive. You needed to keep the lines of conversation open. But most of all you had to keep presenting the grieving person with opportunities to open up and talk.

In the meantime, until Ohtori came around, Taki actively protected the freshman in ways the naive boy would never even realize. In many ways Ohtori was too good and too pure for a place like Hyoutei. Taki never wanted Ohtori to learn the ugly true face of the place if he could help it.

He let it be known that no one was to target or pick on Ohtori. No one was to challenge Ohtori at tennis or in any other area until the freshman adjusted. No one was to try to take the freshman's place on the sub-regs or they would have Taki to answer to.

And Taki was someone no one wanted for an enemy.

It was the very least he could do. Taki was Ohtori's senpai and roommate (and hoped to be more someday) so he sheltered the shy boy. He helped him, taught him, cared for him, and coddled him. Taki spent almost all of his waking and sleeping moments with the freshman or trying to find some way to reach him, but no matter what Taki tried, Ohtori rejected him and pushed him away. Again and again Ohtori shut down when they were talking or the freshman told Taki he just wanted to be friends.

But Taki knew better. There had been so many long looks and moments when it seemed like Ohtori was interested. Not just curious, but interested.

Ohtori wouldn't talk about his past, but he did ask Taki questions. Lots of them. Most of them were about how guys really dated each other at Hyoutei. How it worked when you had to keep so much of your relationship a secret. Who specifically you had to keep it a secret from, and who you could talk to.

He was very curious and very interested. He wanted to know how your guy friends would treat you when you were part of a couple with another guy. How it had to be a secret especially from the girls and why. How it could affect you if you both played tennis as a sub-regular. Ohtori asked question after question of things like signs you might see if someone the same gender as you might be interested in you. He asked how you let someone the same gender as you know you liked him in a romantic way. Ohtori wanted to know the best ways to confess to someone the same gender as you if they were a year older and in the tennis club.

And he asked things that only someone truly naive and seriously in like with another guy would wonder about. Ohtori asked if two men were dating, which one was supposed to kiss the other one first? Was it okay if the younger one kissed the older one first? When was a good time? Who was supposed to confess first? He asked if holding hands when you were alone was natural for two guys if they were dating. He inquired if one guy was older, who was supposed to ask the other one out on a date? He wanted to know where did two guys at Hyoutei usually go on dates? He asked who paid on a date between two guys if one was older?

The questions were silly, but they were so honest and earnest Taki found them charming. With loving reverence, Taki treated each question seriously. He answered each question patiently and gently to encourage the shy boy while he waited for Ohtori to open up. Over time, the questions themselves became little gifts Taki looked forward to each day.

A few good questions from Ohtori about first kisses and if a kiss or a hug would happen after a first date with two guys would have Taki smiling through the rest of his day. If the questions were really good, Taki found himself sitting in his next class grinning down at his desk like a fool. He sat there not caring that he was practically beaming from ear to ear while he planned his next conversation with Ohtori just to see if the freshman would finally talk (or confess maybe). Thinking that he would smile even more (his face hurt lately and it was wonderful) because each talk lately ended up with more good questions. The inquiries often varied but more and more, they would be slipped in to almost every conversation they shared together.

And while the questions were fun, and the waiting was sweet torture, the reality was Taki understood that even with the questions, the freshman was still grieving his best friend. But Taki knew even that would pass. Someday Ohtori would let go of his past and then he would be able to see Taki faithfully standing right there in front of him. Ohtori would see his senpai waiting for him to be ready and how Taki was trying his heart out to reach him.

So for now, Taki tried to bring up endless conversations of their pasts while Ohtori asked these questions allowing glimpses of their someday future. For hours and hours Taki tried to trade war stories in endless attempts to get confessions or even funny stories to drag things about ex-girlfriends and even ex-boyfriends into the open.

Taki tried this every day. He confessed tale after tale to make the freshman laugh and smile only to be told by Ohtori that the freshman had no exes. Ohtori stubbornly insisted he had no stories of his own. It was hard for Taki to not let on that he knew different and painful to listen to the lies. It was disturbing listening to the freshman still talk about his best friend as if they were only friends--but even more worrying was Ohtori talked about his best friend as if the guy was still alive.

He never even used the past tense when speaking about him. It was beyond creepy to say the least. It couldn't be healthy. In fact, it alarmed Taki so much that he was afraid to talk about it with his therapist because the therapist worked for Hyoutei medical. If the therapist became concerned about it from what Taki told her and decided Ohtori needed an intervention or something, Taki was seriously scared it might eventually make problems for Ohtori.

One night, desperate and determined to make a breakthrough, Taki even went to the trouble of getting Ohtori drunk to get him to open up and talk (and maybe confess). He was surprised the freshman was such a lightweight--and so heavy. A few shots and Ohtori wound up passed out snoring loudly on the couch. Unfortunately, no matter how he hefted and pulled, Taki couldn't budge the big freshman.

And even worse, Taki got no answers from him. All that work with no results was getting to Taki. He went to change for bed totally annoyed and completely disheartened.

Once in their room though, he missed the shy freshman almost painfully. Taki missed his warmth, his smell, his smile, his laugh...hell, he even missed the freshman's snoring. Taki wondered if he would even be able to sleep without the sound of the freshman sawing away near him. He wondered if he should try to fit on the couch cuddled up with Ohtori because at least then he could be close to him. Then at least for a little while Taki could feel how it would be to have Ohtori's arms wrapped warm and strong around him.

But what if Ohtori woke up? Or even worse, what if Shishido caught them together? Debating what to do with himself, Taki threw his clothes on the floor and changed into his pajamas muttering to himself. He wondered yet again when this was going to end and at least some positive change would happen.

Okay, he decided to not give up. One more try. He was never a quitter. When he was dressed, Taki walked determined over to the couch, covered Ohtori with a blanket, and...completely chickened out.

His heart was pounding so hard, he almost gave himself a panic attack. Taki walked back to their room so if the freshman did wake up, he wouldn't see Taki freaking out and looking stupid.

Completely disappointed, Taki went to their room and threw himself onto his bed. Some days, he just wanted a hug. Taki already resigned himself to taking everything slowly because this was the freshman's first time, but just a hug and maybe a kiss would really help him to hang in there. All he really needed once in a while was for someone to put their arms around him and say it was okay. Once in a while it would be nice if someone really cared for Taki and held him close. It would mean the world to him if someone holding him close would just now and again tell him everything would be all right. He cried a few hot, lonely tears thinking this sort of dark stuff to get it out of his system. That way even if it was the alcohol that made the tears start, any lingering sadness or darkness wouldn't stick around the next few days and bring him down.

Taki learned in therapy to try to let his feelings out instead of ignoring them. If he ignored his feelings or tried to push them aside they would creep up on him with really bad results. If he let things sneak up on him before he knew it, he would be so upset and frustrated and depressed he wouldn't have the energy to get out of bed or the strength to want to play a match. Now that he didn't have idiot Gakuto to rely on for a friend, Taki was trying to take care of himself while taking care of Ohtori full-time. It was exhausting and Taki needed to be cautious because if he fell into that dark pit of sadness or if he lost his spot on the regulars, the results would be unthinkably catastrophic for both of them.

Thinking it was good to at least go to bed early even if his plan to drink didn't get him anywhere, Taki tried to go to sleep without the freshman in their room. And without taking a sleeping pill.

He couldn't sleep.

His mind was too full of worries and possibilities. He tossed and turned, unable to rest.

After a while of rolling around, Taki had to admit to himself he missed the freshman too much to sleep without him near. What if Ohtori started crying in his sleep again and was all alone? What if Ohtori said something important in his sleep this time? Taki's mind filled with new ways to try to get Ohtori to talk and crazy scenarios.

He wondered if he kissed the freshman a little earlier while they were drunk and having fun if the freshman would have kissed back? Or maybe finally confess?

Taki had a wicked thought of helping the freshman back to his bed and stripping them both naked. Maybe in the morning he could tell Ohtori they had sex while they were drunk and see what the freshman did. Then Ohtori would be forced to deal with everything instead of living in this horrible depressing denial he seemed to be stuck in.

On second thought, that might turn out badly even for a fantasy. Taki didn't want the freshman to think he was a slut like Gakuto or to be so freaked out that he shut down.

Sometimes Ohtori did that when you tried to confront him. It was cute, the way Ohtori would become all flustered to where he couldn't even talk. Taki was pretty sure only he (and maybe Atobe) ever noticed. To Taki it was really kind of adorable when Ohtori got all tongue-tied, but for the freshman it was a nightmare. Ohtori became completely stressed out. The freshman would almost go into a panic attack (Taki knew those well because he used to have those horrible things before he got on his meds) and shut down to the point where Ohtori ended up standing there just kind of big and stupid.

Ohtori when he was in that shut down moment sort of looked lost like Oshitari whenever slutty Gakuto would talk graphically about his sexcapades (and when didn't the slut go on and on about sex?) or whenever Gakuto would walk into practice wearing a pair of his infamous too-tight shorts that hugged his ass so close he might as well not be wearing anything. The tensai would just stand there and look uncomfortable and weird as if he was unsure what to say or do (probably because he wanted to throw up in his mouth when the slut bragged just like everyone else).

Oshitari would blush and become all gawky as if he didn't have a clue how to handle someone being overtly sexual. It was as if it somehow fascinated, or tempted him. After a while of standing there, the tensai would first blush more as if he had dirty thoughts, and then look disheveled like he was getting a hard-on in front of everyone and had to cover it up. Eventually Oshitari would make some sort of lame joke or pun no one laughed at but it was like his brain was frantically trying to get him to say anything so he said the first thing that popped into his head. Which was never a good idea for him.

It was a daily disaster and so predictable an occurrence that most of the time no one watched except to see if idiot Gakuto had an unusually funny or usual violent reaction. Oshitari would only look normal again when slut Gakuto verbally or physically bashed him for his lame joke or for interrupting the slut's latest graphic sex tale. Taki would always think thank you tensai for saving the rest of us and the tensai and the slut would end up running their regular punishment laps together.

Although the one time where the tensai and slut Gakuto were going to play doubles together against Jiroh and Kashiwa was funny. Funny enough that people still talked about it. It was while Taki was still dating that bastard Sato and just before he and stupid Gakuto stopped being friends. Idiot Gakuto pranced onto the court like he was hot stuff as usual. He stopped a short distance in front of a very awkward-looking Oshitari.

It was almost like the little bastard knew the tensai was ogling him and why he was staring but didn't care. Or maybe it just turned the slut on to be gaped at. Anyway, slut Gakuto bent into position waiting for Jiroh to serve, and the tensai cleared his throat as if to get stupid Gakuto's attention. Gakuto ignored him and Jiroh was too busy yawning to serve right away. In the interim, Oshitari casually asked slut Gakuto if he was using a very expensive face cream on his tight little ass because it looked to the tensai like he didn't have a single wrinkle...not even around his pucker.

Before Gakuto's jaw closed from shock the little slut hurled himself high into the air, flipped, and came down somehow with his feet smashing into Oshitari's face. Oshitari's glasses shattered spectacularly as Gakuto cast himself off by launching himself back up with his feet pushing off of Oshitari's face. Gakuto soared back into the air and did one more flip before he landed solidly and perfectly just as blood began to gush from the tensai's face. Most of it seemed to be pouring out from one ruined eye and the tensai's racket hit the ground with a clatter that could be heard so clearly because everything around had suddenly gone silent.

As Oshitari bled all over and gawked at Gakuto as if in shock or stupefied wonder out what looked like his only still working eye, Gakuto grinned. First he beamed a huge smile right at the tensai and then he turned towards everyone else frozen there watching.

Seeming very pleased with himself, Gakuto confidently put his hands on his hips. He announced in his too-loud voice that thatwas his new move and he was calling it, The Moon Salute.

People gasped in awe and fear. A few people clapped a few times before falling silent. A few others covered their mouths in horror. Everyone by this point was stunned. Atobe and a few others ran to Oshitari. Some were wondering out loud if the tensai lost an eye or while others were asking each other what in the hell Oshitari stupidly did now to encounter Gakuto's wrath.

As what the tensai said was whispered from person to person like a virus, each person started laughing so hard the entire team ended up all having to run laps--which of course was all stupid, slutty Gakuto's fault.

And Oshitari? The tensai ended up needing several stitches in his eyebrow, scans, tests, and x-rays to make sure nothing was broken, and had a nasty swollen black eye for weeks. The tensai stood there after it happened blood pouring off of him...and he smiled over at Gakuto. Oshitari grinning like a fool with all that blood flowing down his face was decidedly the stuff of nightmares.

And legend.

In the lower ranks of the tennis club, no one ever again dared to challenge Gakuto or Oshitari. They were all too afraid of either of them. The incident was still discussed and talked about. Taki knew this from Ohtori that all the freshmen heard what happened, but no one dared to talk about it. They were especially careful to not mention it around Gakuto--because everyone worried that they could be next, and it was never ever talked about around the tensai--because everyone agreed who knows what the hell the guy was even thinking.

But when Ohtori shut down, it was much worse and not even a swift kick in the head from Gakuto was going to fix it. Right after standing there awkwardly and looking unable to speak, the freshman would act crazy. If Ohtori was going to have a real panic attack or get himself so keyed up, it would happen right after the freshman shut down. Ohtori would work himself into a frenzy about looking stupid to the point where he would almost not be able to catch his breath. He would stutter his words and ask Taki who saw him. Anyone seeing Ohtori shut down or stammer his words could make the freshman more upset, but if Atobe or Shishido in particular saw him, Ohtori would panic.

Taki would try to cover for Ohtori in those shut down moments. He would make a joke or say something to make slut Gakuto yell at him (and now it took no more than Taki looking at the slut to get Gakuto to be a total bastard to Taki) and then as soon as it was over and everyone else had left, Taki would race to be by the freshman's side.

He would try to keep Ohtori calm and reassure him no one noticed or if anyone did that it wasn't a big deal. Even if Shishido and Atobe both saw, Taki always told Ohtori it didn't matter. After all, Atobe knew each person's personality and flaws better than they often did themselves, and as far as Shishido went, Taki told Ohtori time and time again he was completely irrelevant. Taki told Ohtori the honest truth about his big brother. Shishido didn't care at all about Ohtori or what he did, or said, or thought. Really. Shishido only cared about himself (and maybe Atobe but even that was doubtful).

One of the most heartbreaking things while watching the freshman struggle through everything was Taki could see where Ohtori needed to be and how Taki could help the freshman to get there. The freshman's serve even when he was stressed was solid and his playing was consistently good. If Ohtori just had a little inner confidence and security in himself--something Taki as his boyfriend could give him--then the freshman would really shine. But whoever said getting there was half the fun was dead wrong. This was not fun. It was a serious daily grind for Taki to keep both himself and Ohtori upbeat and at their best all the time.

With an annoyed sigh, Taki tossed off his covers. He silently went back into their common area living room with his heart pounding again, and on impulse, put his lips on Ohtori's. This was not how Taki pictured their first kiss but oh, after wanting to touch those lips...oh the feel of them...so warm and soft...it was so nice. It was nice enough and he was tipsy and frustrated enough that Taki considered really kissing him. Maybe even taking it further. He thought about masturbating right then and there to get it out of his system. He thought about his earlier crazy idea of stripping them both down and telling Ohtori in the morning the freshman had his way with him. Then Taki thought about maybe really seeing if Ohtori was up for anything. Maybe he could make Ohtori feel good. He even considered touching Ohtori. Maybe if he could please him even though the freshman was drunk and out of it...

Taki stood up, completely hard and horrified at himself.

He wasn't that kind of person. Not even after drinking as much as he did.

So what in the hell was he doing? What was he thinking? Taki instantly felt guilty even though nothing really happened and suddenly he looked over to Shishido's room. He didn't know why because it wasn't like Shishido would care, but Taki felt as if someone was watching him. Watching them.

He noticed in surprise that Shishido's door was open slightly. Taki could have sworn that it was shut when he came out of his room to see Ohtori. He wondered if Shishido saw anything. He also wondered if he had touched Ohtori if Shishido would have stopped him? Or watched? Or cared?

Probably not, but still. Feeling guilty even though nothing more than a light kiss happened, Taki went back into their room. He stood there with his heart pounding and his erection throbbing and couldn't figure out what the hell to do. He willed himself to not get stressed or panic. Taki closed his eyes and relaxed his entire body. He took sixty deep, calming breaths. Deeply in through his nose and slowly out through his mouth. Expand your diaphragm and then your lungs. He counted each breath and repeated silently to himself, Everything is going to be all right, after every one.

Feeling more calm and balanced, he opened his eyes. Taki decided to go back outside to try help Ohtori into his own bed. The freshman would sleep better there. Taki went to Ohtori, shook him, and whispered to wake up. Taki tried to help him up and as he struggled to pull him up to standing, Ohtori slid his arms around Taki pulling him close. Oh. That was nice.

But then Ohtori murmured softly, in a loving little sigh with his arms around Taki, "Shishido-san...."

Taki almost dropped the freshman in surprise and anger. He even thought of slapping him awake so he saw that Shishido was not here. He was back in his own room where he didn't care at all about Ohtori or anyone else but himself. Instead again, unable to resist, Taki kissed Ohtori possessively pressing his mouth against the freshman's lips.

He nearly howled in frustration when Ohtori drunk and half-passed out pushed him away saying, "No. Don't Taki. Stop it." Without warning, the freshman shoved Taki away so suddenly and so hard he stumbled back. Ohtori must have used all of his strength it seemed and Taki ended up falling smack down to the floor. He landed with a cracking thud knocked halfway across the room sitting on his backside.

Ohtori must have fallen back to the sofa. He half-opened his eyes, looked at Taki almost accusingly before flopping over on the couch and completely turning away. He murmured a quiet but distinct, "Leave me alone."

It hurt. Physically hurt sure, but emotionally it hurt so bad for a moment, Taki wondered if what Ohtori said or the floor was responsible for knocking the air out of him.

After a moment of dark pain, Taki took in a shuddering and painful breath to try to calm himself again, but it came out in a burst of hot tears. The tears continued to fall as Taki struggled to stand. He ached. His backside hurt incredibly bad.

He thanked the gods that no bones seemed to be broken and that all he was in was really bad pain. Pain that was almost worse than after Sato and his bastard friends...but Taki quickly dismissed any thoughts of anything regarding that.

Taki was not going there. He'd once wished Sato would painfully drop dead altogether but now his anger had cooled to just loathing--as long as he didn't think about what that bastard had done or what he had taken from Taki, he could live with it okay enough. He dismissed the thoughts about that bastard hurting him, but not soon enough. Just thinking the name Sato blackened his already bad mood.

Taki decided to take a half of a sleeping pill before he went to bed. Half should be fine this long after drinking because some really bad nights when sober, Taki took two.

Half of one shouldn't hurt, right?

A/N: Thanks as always for reading and reviewing!

Ooh first chapter! And another one you didn't expect, right? XD

More soon!

Honest!

VDay is coming! XDDD

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